No Stranger to Pain
by rangergirl1234
Summary: Morelli turns into a domestic abuser and rapes Stephanie. Very unkind to Morelli and rated for Mature audiences only. Eventual HEA with Ranger and Babe.
1. Chapter 1

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_**WARNING!**__ This is rated M. It has major violence and angst in it. I am not a violent writer, but as JE has had Morelli become more and more demanding of Stephanie in recent books, I wanted to explore the story line of what would happen if he became an abuser. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties._

Stephanie's POV:

I looked around the apartment at all of the boxes and bubble wrap. I certainly had a big mess on my hands. I was boxing up my belongings. I thought back on how many times this apartment had been broken in to. I had actually lost count over the years. I guess it had never really been safe. At least not in my line of work. But it had been my home for many years. And a part of me was going to miss it. As I looked around the apartment, I realized that this really wasn't my true home anymore. Since Ranger and I had been dating, we usually stayed at his apartment over night. Occasionally he would stay here, but starting tonight, my home would be with Ranger at Haywood. He had already asked me to move in with him several times, but I hesitated. I knew that I loved Ranger, but I wanted to make sure that he loved me and that it wasn't just about the sex. And I wanted to take things slow. But over the past several months we had become closer and closer. And last night I finally agreed to move in with him. I'm not sure if marriage is what either of us want right now, but I'm sure that I don't want to live without him.

Morelli and I had been split up for 7 weeks when Ranger finally asked me out. I had found out that Morelli cheated on me with Terry Gillman. He swore it was a onetime thing, but I doubted it. I thought that Morelli was going to turn out different than the rest of the men in his family. But his actions had proved otherwise. The night of our breakup, he turned into a very different person. He was livid when I broke things off. But I just couldn't see myself being with someone that I didn't trust. I still saw him around Trenton from time to time, but there was a cold distance between us. I had hoped we could be friends, but he seemed to have a deep anger after I found out about Terry. I should be the one who was angry. But yet again, Morelli made the situation all about him. He was good at doing that. I had heard through my connections at the police department that Morelli had begun drinking heavily. One more thing to add to the "like father like son" list.

Ranger was a real friend to me during the time that I broke up with Morelli. Our relationship blossomed after that. I let my mind drift back to the day he asked me out on a real date. He seemed almost nervous. And it gave me butterflies to think back on the night of our first date when he brought me back to this apartment and gave me a good night kiss. We were both left wanting more, but I had told him I wanted to take things slow. Eventually things progressed, and now I can't imagine spending one night apart from him. His government work has ended, and he only has to go out of town for the occasional trip to Atlanta or Boston to one of the Rangeman buildings. Things have really been progressing.

I stood up and surveyed the apartment. I crossed the room and went to sit on the couch near the entry way. I smiled as I let myself think back to all of the nights we had spent on this couch. We had watched movies on this couch, kissed here, and made out here. And when we finally made love again, it started here. I would be sad to see it go, but I no longer needed the couch, Ranger's furniture was much nicer than mine. I let myself smile as I thought back to all of the memories that this apartment held. My phone rang and pulled me back to reality.

"Yo!"

"Hey Babe! That's my line! How's the packing going?"

I smiled and sunk back on to the couch. "It's going ok. I only have to pack a few more boxes and then the rest can just be donated."

"Babe, you know that you are welcome to bring anything you'd like to Haywood. We can make room for whatever you want or need."

"I know Ranger, it's just that I don't need some of these things. The furniture at your place is nicer, and a lot of mine was just bought second hand from thrift stores. I never really invested a lot in furnishings since they were regularly being burglarized and set on fire!"

Ranger laughed, "You never disappoint Babe! Do you need me to send one of the guys over to help? I'll be over around 6 to help you load up anything you're ready to take to our apartment tonight."

"Mmmmm. Our apartment. I like the sound of that. But actually, I think I'll just wait on you to get here. Like I said, there's not that much, and I should be finished by the time you get here."

"Ok. See you then Babe."

I flipped my phone closed. I walked back over to the kitchen to finish wrapping the cookie jar in bubble wrap. I removed my gun and handcuffs from it and laid them on the counter. I had already packed most of what was going to make the trip with me. I had already boxed up my clothing, makeup, pictures, movie collection, and a few dishes my grandma had given me. Rex was already at Ranger's…I mean _our…_apartment. The guys in the control room regularly fed him and sometimes I let him stay in the break room on the 5th floor. Rex liked living at Haywood. And I felt sure that I was going to love it there as well.

As I was pulling out paper to wrap the lid in, there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peep hole to see Joe Morelli standing at the door. I really don't want to deal with him right now. But the sooner I talk to him, the sooner I can finish packing. I figure he's going to hear that I've moved out of this apartment eventually. I don't owe him an explanation, but I'd rather he hear it from me. God knows the Burg has its fair share of gossip mills.

I unlocked the door, and opened it halfway. "Hi Joe. What brings you by?"

Joe shifted uneasily. "Hey Cupcake. I was hoping you and I could talk. Is this a bad time?"

I stood there glaring at Joe. I couldn't help but wonder what he hoped to accomplish by coming over here.

"Joe, this really isn't a good time. Why are you here?"

"We need to talk Cupcake. I miss you. Bob misses you. And the boys miss you. Can I come in?"

"Joe, we haven't been together in months. I've moved on. You need to do the same too. And from the smell, you've been drinking, so no, you can't come in."

"Come on Cupcake. I haven't had THAT much to drink. And I need to see you."

I started to close the door but Joe shoved past me. He walked into the entry way, and saw all of the boxes in the floor. He turned to me and put his hands on his hips.

"What's going on here? Why are you packing up your apartment? Where are you going?"

I sighed. This is really not how I wanted to tell him I was moving in with Ranger. I don't owe him an explanation, but at one time I did care deeply for Joe. So I wanted him to hear it from me.

"Joe, I am packing up my apartment because I am moving. "

Joe looked a little angry before closing his eyes and clinching his fists. He staggered slightly. "Where are you moving to? Why are you moving?"

"Joe you are drunk. Let's have this conversation at another time. I think you should probably go."

"Answer me Cupcake," Joe yelled. "Where are you going?"

Fine! If he wanted to know so badly, then I'd tell him. "I'm moving in with Ranger. I've ended the lease on my apartment. I'll be moving in with Ranger tonight."

As I said that Joe had a strange look come over him. It was as if he became a different person right in front of my eyes.

"What do you mean you are moving in with Ranger and getting rid of your apartment? You never ended your lease when you lived with me! Why now? You can't be serious? He's nothing but a thug and you know it. It won't last a month. You need to think about this Stephanie!"

Joe was yelling now. And he was getting louder. I took a step back from him and cleared my throat before starting again. In my best calm voice, I started speaking. "Joe, I am asking you to please leave. I cared for you deeply at one time. But I don't trust you. You cheated on me. And we are over. Now please leave!"

And just like that he snapped. Before I knew what was happening, Joe had locked the deadbolt on the door and had me pinned against the kitchen wall with his hand on my neck. His breath smelled strongly of alcohol and his eyes were glazed over. I no longer knew this person standing in front of me.

"You don't mean that Stephanie. Do you? You can't be serious?"

I gasped for air. His grip was tight and it was starting to hurt. "Joe please! Please stop this. You're drunk and you don't know what you are doing! You are hurting my throat!"

Joe hissed through clenched teeth. "Oh I know what I'm doing Cupcake. I'm going to make you remember me. I'm going to burn an image of me into your brain and every time you close your eyes you will see me. I'll be in your thoughts and in your dreams. I'm going to have my way with you right now. Do you think Ranger will still want you after he's found out you had sex with someone else? I'm going to make you mine. He can't help you now, Stephanie. You're mine and I intend on you staying that way. "

I had never seen him like this before. Sure he had gotten drunk before. He had even slapped me once or twice. But never had he been this angry and volatile.

It was getting harder to breathe as he clamped his hand around my throat. I managed to struggle out the words. "Joe let's sit down and talk about this. I'm not yours. You can't really think I'm going to…"

I gasped as his grip tightened around my neck. He leaned in and bit a place on my neck near his hand. "Yes you are mine. I've been watching you two around. You've become quite close to Ranger. But I never thought you'd move in with him. I just have to remind you of what we had. And yes, you are going to have sex with me. And you're going to like it. And you will not tell me no. Do you understand?"

I stood there looking at Joe. He was serious! I can't believe that he was acting this way. My mind started racing as I looked for a way out of this situation. My gun was on the kitchen counter, although I wasn't sure I could shoot Joe if I had to. I could possibly get out the door, if he'd loosen his grip, but I'd never make it to the stairs before he caught me.

I pleaded, "Please Joe. Turn me loose and let's talk, ok?" Hot tears were forming in my eyes and I was scared. Really scared.

Once again his grip tightened and he backhanded me with his free hand. I grabbed at my face and saw white spots as I closed my eyes. I looked at the clock and it was only 2:20pm. Ranger wouldn't be here for almost 4 hours. And I was regretting my decision of not allowing one of the guys to come and help me. Joe continued to hit me again and again. I fell to the floor and grabbed my head. My thoughts were coming at a thousand miles a minute, and I was unable to process any of them. My only thought was for survival. I tried to scramble up and get to the door, but I was intercepted by Morelli. He caught me and picked me up and threw me onto the table. He continued to smack me and punch me in my face, and I tasted blood. I somehow slid from under his grasp and made it to the bedroom. I had to get to the fire escape. If I could just get to the window, I could get out and go down the stairs. As I was coming near the edge of the bed, I tripped over some boxes and he grabbed me. I turned towards him just in time to see him hit me in my head with the cookie jar. It cut my temple and I fell backwards on to the floor, dazed and confused. Joe had picked up my handcuffs when he got the cookie jar, and he grabbed my wrists. He straddled me on the floor and put one wrist in the cuff. He threaded the cuffs through the iron bed railing near the post of the bed, and then handcuffed my other wrist in the free bracelet. I screamed as I was now at his mercy and I could go nowhere. I yelled and screamed as he kicked me a couple of times before going to the kitchen.

"Joe please! Please don't do this. We can talk about it ok? We can work something out. Please just let me go. Unhook the cuffs and we'll sit and talk!"

Joe started back towards the bedroom, and I saw that he had packing tape in his hands. I immediately began screaming and kicking at him, and he smacked me again and kicked me in my stomach. I pulled my legs up to me from the pain, and as I sobbed, he taped my mouth closed with the packaging tape. My screams were muffled, and hot tears poured from my eyes and I strained against the cuffs. My arms and wrists were above my head and I was on the floor, at Joe's mercy. He jerked my pants off and I closed my eyes as I heard the sound of his zipper being unzipped. He leaned in to me, as he pulled up my shirt. He bit down fiercely on my breast, and brought blood as I screamed. He pulled my head up to meet his by grabbing my hair and pulling. Joe kicked me and continued to beat me for what felt like ages. He pummeled his fists into my face and sides until his own knuckles were busted from the contact. All the while he was telling me in a low voice "You're mine! Do you understand? You will never be his. He will never want you again when I'm done with you! Stephanie, I am going to make you mine and you are going to take it! Do you understand? Ranger will never want you when I'm finished!"

I could do nothing but cry and sob. Who was this evil person in front of me?

"Listen Cupcake. You're gonna lay there and take this. And you're not going to tell your little thug of a boyfriend that I did this. I have evidence locked away that he killed Abruzzi. You and I both know that he did. And while I can't say that I blame him, I'll be all too happy to implicate him in the murder. I'll reopen the investigation quicker than you can say your name. When I finish with you, Ranger is going to think some common criminal came in and raped you, and then he won't want you anymore. You got that? And then you'll be mine."

I continued to cry, and whimper, but I couldn't struggle any longer. I heard a condom wrapper being torn open, and he slid it on. I tried pulling my knees up to my chest to push him off of me, but he shoved me back down.

"I'd just love to spill my seed in you. Maybe even make a kid finally. But then there would be DNA as evidence. Although that won't matter will it? Because you love your precious Ranger too much to see him sent away to prison for life!"

And with that I felt him at my entrance. I struggled against him, but I was no match for his strength. He rammed himself into me and I felt a searing pain. He continued to pound me over and over again. The more I cried, the harder he went. And the more he beat me. All of a sudden, he stopped and flipped me over. I wasn't sure what he was going to do, but now my hands were twisted together and the circulation was being cut off from the tightness of the cuffs against the railing. Before I knew what happened, he had pulled my legs apart and was pummeling into me from behind. I sobbed from the pain, and he continued to beat me with his fists. He pulled my hair back and bit into my neck again, and then pushed my head forward into the iron bed post. Dark spots splashed across my vision, and I fell forward into the floor. Joe's weight was crushing me and it seemed like it would never end. I finally lay there, with him thrusting into me over and over again, and tried to will myself to survive.

Joe raped me for over an hour. When it was over, and the beatings had finally stopped, I was no longer crying. My sobs were quiet, and he stood to remove the condom. He methodically placed it in the open wrapper, and then in his pocket. He bent over me and kissed me lightly on my forehead and I turned away. As I did it he slapped me one last time. I couldn't feel my face any longer, and the taste of blood from my busted face and lip had long ago made me nauseated. He pulled me by my hair and forced me to look into his eyes.

"Remember Cupcake. You're not gonna tell Ranger who did this, are you? "

I made no reply and Joe jerked my head even harder. "Answer me! Are you?"

I whimpered and shook my head no. I knew that he was right. If he had evidence against Ranger, I couldn't tell him about this. Ranger would kill Joe for what he had just done. I wanted to kill him for what he had done. But I couldn't let Ranger go to jail for me.

"Are we clear on this? He's gonna come find you, but you're gonna keep who did it to yourself, right?"

I nodded my head quickly. Joe kissed me once again, as if what had just took place was a normal occurrence, and he stood once more to button his pants. He tucked his shirt into his pants and I closed my eyes.

He laughed an evil laugh. "Go ahead and close your eyes Cupcake. But from now on, when you close your eyes, I'll be the one you see. Remember that I'm watching you. And I'm not above doing this again!"

I opened my eyes to see him unlocking the apartment door, and leaving. I listened as his footsteps fell on the hardwood flooring in the hall, and I could hear the elevator ding as it opened for him to get on it. I saw spots across my eyes and finally gave in to the pain that was searing through my body and passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_**WARNING!**__ This is rated M. It has major violence and angst in it. I am not a violent writer, but as JE has had Morelli become more and more demanding of Stephanie in recent books, I wanted to explore the story line of what would happen if he became an abuser. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. Also, thanks for the reviews. Please keep them coming because it inspires my inner creative muse! _

_Previously…_

_"Remember Cupcake. You're not gonna tell Ranger who did this, are you? "_

_I made no reply and Joe jerked my head even harder. "Answer me! Are you?"_

_I whimpered and shook my head no. I knew that he was right. If he had evidence against Ranger, I couldn't tell him about this. Ranger would kill Joe for what he had just done. I wanted to kill him for what he had done. But I couldn't let Ranger go to jail for me._

_"Are we clear on this? He's gonna come find you, but you're gonna keep who did it to yourself, right?"_

_I nodded my head quickly. Joe kissed me once again, as if what had just took place was a normal occurrence, and he stood once more to button his pants. He tucked his shirt into his pants and I closed my eyes._

_He laughed an evil laugh. "Go ahead and close your eyes Cupcake. But from now on, when you close your eyes, I'll be the one you see. Remember that I'm watching you. And I'm not above doing this again!"_

_I opened my eyes to see him unlocking the apartment door, and leaving. I listened as his footsteps fell on the hardwood flooring in the hall, and I could hear the elevator ding as it opened for him to get on it. I saw spots across my eyes and finally gave in to the pain that was searing through my body and passed out._

Ranger's POV:

As I pulled the cayenne into Steph's parking lot, I thought back over the last few hours. Tank and I had just finished up meeting with a prospective client. It was a big contract, and if we could negotiate the price to their liking, we would be on contract with them for at least 3 years. And they have other contacts in their industry that would likely need our services. Business has really been taking off for Rangeman lately. And since my government contract was mostly up, I have been able to be more involved in the business side of things. My life was finally settling into a cycle that kept me active enough with FTA's to keep it interesting and my skills up, and yet routine enough to finally allow Steph into my life.

Tonight she is going to be moving into our apartment. I smiled as I allowed myself to think of it as our apartment. There were already glimpses of her all over the apartment. Her clothing in the dressing room. Her shampoo in the shower. Pictures of us here and there. Before she came into my life, it was just a place to sleep. But now, it was a home. Although it is bigger than her apartment, I still wanted us to have a real home. A house somewhere away from the business side of Rangeman that we could go to on the weekends. But I didn't want to spring that on her yet. She had resisted moving in with me at first, saying she wanted to take things slow. I couldn't blame her. I had held her at arm's length for so long, that I wasn't sure she really believed that our relationship was real. But _Dios_! I am willing to spend the rest of my life convincing her if that's what it takes.

I couldn't believe the words actually came out of her mouth last night when I asked her to move in again. As I put the car in park and turned the ignition off, I couldn't believe my luck. Steph was actually going to be living in the apartment with me starting tonight. Finally, our life can officially begin.

I jogged up the steps to Steph's second floor apartment and went to knock at the door. Usually I just pick the lock, but I figured Steph was close by the door packing up her things. Hmmmm. That's odd. No answer. I tried the door knob and it was unlocked. My senses immediately went on high alert. Stephanie may protest at having to carry a gun occasionally, but she always locks her doors. Without exception. Something is definitely off here.

I pulled my gun out from the waist of my pants. I gently pushed the door open and stepped inside, with my gun drawn. I only heard silence and the faint hum of the refrigerator. I glanced around the apartment and saw all the boxes packed up and bubble wrap scattered on the floor. Maybe Steph had gone next door to borrow something like tape or old newspapers. I stepped into the doorway of the bedroom with my gun still drawn and my blood ran cold. Lying in front of me on the floor, handcuffed to the bed post, was Stephanie's half dressed body. She was lying on her stomach in a contorted position. All I could see from where I was standing was the back of her head, with her curls lying around her in a tangled mess. I quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one was there and ran to her side.

"Stephanie, _Dios_! Stephanie, what happened?"

She must have been passed out. Her mouth was taped with packaging tape and her eyes were closed as I gently rolled her on to her back. I felt for a pulse and found one, and her breathing was shallow. "Please Steph wake up. Talk to me Babe. Tell me what happened? Who did this?"

As she started to come around her eyes flew open and she started screaming and kicking at me. She still thought she was being attacked! Her cries were muffled by the tape, and I reached to pull it from her mouth. As I did she still had a look of terror and panic in her eyes. I reached to hold her still, which wasn't that hard considering she was still handcuffed to the bed.

"Steph….Babe! It's ok. It's me. It's Ranger….Carlos. I am here. I've got you. You're safe now. " I held her face towards me. "Look at me Steph. Look into my eyes. It's just me. You're safe now. I'm going to pick the lock on these cuffs and get you out of them, but you'll have to hold still ok?"

Realization finally set in and her screams quieted. She whimpered slightly as I moved her arms and it was then that I finally saw the extent of her injuries. My eyes couldn't believe the sight in front of me. Her wrists were bruised and bleeding from the cuffs. She had blue and purple bruising from handprints on her arms, wrists, hips and waist. There was deep bruising on her throat in the shape of a hand print as well. Her face was battered and bruised almost beyond recognition and one of her eyes was swollen shut. There was a long gash in her upper right temple that was still oozing blood. Her lip and nose had been bleeding, and the dried blood had dripped down her face and into her tangled mess of hair. Her legs were bruised, and her pants and underwear were in a crumpled pile behind her. There were some small spots of blood on the carpet underneath her hips and on her upper thighs. Her tank top was stretched over to the side, exposing part of her bra. I could see blood on it. I reached out to see the injury beneath it, and Stephanie jerked away. God! Who would do this to her? How did this happen?

I quickly unlocked the cuffs and removed them from her wrists. I gently laid her hands down to her side, and she made no effort to move. I gently put a finger to her cheek. "Stephanie, Babe. I need you to talk to me and tell me what happened? Who did this to you?"

She turned her head away and a single tear slid down her cheek. She blinked as it escaped her eye, and she tried to sit up. She gasped and let out a long hiss and grabbed her side. She needed medical attention. My anger was growing in me. I have never felt the cold type of anger that I was feeling now. Whoever the bastard was that did this was going to be dead. I was personally going to make sure of it. I tried to calm my thoughts and turn my attention to Babe. I couldn't react out of anger. I had to be gentle with her because she had obviously been through a traumatic ordeal. I didn't want to do anything to make her scared of me, even though I know she knows I would never harm her.

"Steph, honey, you've got to talk to me. We've got to get you to the hospital. Don't move, I'm going to call an ambulance."

"NO! Ranger you can't do that. Please!" Steph shouted at me. Her voice was hoarse and she was trembling. She continued to try to get up, and I reached out to help her to a sitting position. As I reached out to her, she jerked at first. I slowly stroked her bruised arm, and she relaxed slightly. I pulled her to me, and onto my lap. I sat at the foot of her bed, with my back propped up against the wrought iron footboard. I stroked her hair gently and held her. She was still trembling; the tears were flowing like a river now. She had her knees up to her chest and her feet over to the side on the floor. She seemed so small sitting like this. So vulnerable. Someone was going to pay dearly for what they had done to her.

"Stephanie, honey. It's ok. You know I would never hurt you. But someone obviously did. You've got to let me help you. You need to go to the hospital. Can you talk to me and tell me who did this?" I rubbed gentle soothing circles on her back as I waited for her to speak.

"I…..I don't….I don't know. Someone …broke in." She was crying harder now and she could barely breathe. Her words were coming in broken clips between sobs and gasps. "Please don't call the police Ranger….I …..don't want….everyone finding….out. I'll…be….ok, really. Just promise me…..you won't ….please don't….".

The more she tried to talk the harder she cried and her temple was bleeding in earnest now.

"Stephanie, honey, you need medical attention. Your head is bleeding pretty badly. I understand you not wanting anyone to know, but this wasn't your fault. We have to have your head stitched up. I'm going to call Bobby, ok? Can I have him come over and take a look at you? And then we'll talk about the rest. " I continued to rub her back while she seemed to sit and think about that.

I could barely make out her words as she continued to sob. "Bobby can come, but I don't want…." She hiccupped through a cry. "I don't want to go… to the hospital ….here in Trenton."

I wanted to get her help as quickly as possible. But I also knew her reasoning behind her request. The Burg grapevine would know as soon as she walked in the doors of the emergency room. Steph has been severely beaten, and God knows what else. It would be all over the neighborhood before she was released, regardless of what the confidentiality policy of the hospital was.

I pulled out my phone and hit speed dial for Bobby. He answered on the second ring.

"What's up Boss?"

I was still holding Steph. She was quietly crying and was holding on to me for dear life.

"Listen, I need you to get your medical bag and come to Steph's apartment now. Bring Tank with you and hurry. Don't tell anyone else where you are going. Just get here now. Also, have Tank bring an evidence kit and the digital camera. And the fingerprint kit. Get over here now."

"What's happened? Is Bombshell ok?"

"Listen Bobby. Just do as I asked and hurry." I hung up the phone and went back to holding Steph. Her crying had slowed down some but she was still shaking. I pulled the blanket from the bed behind me and wrapped it around her legs.

"Babe, Bobby and Tank will be here in a minute. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was packing boxes and the next thing I know someone broke in. They held me by my throat and beat me. I….I didn't know what to do, Ranger. I was so scared. I remember looking at the clock and it was just after 2pm. He hit me in the head with the cookie jar, and I fell trying to get away. He cuffed me to the bed….and then he…well, he….."

She stopped, slightly shaking her head. As if trying to clear her thoughts and erase what had just happened to her.

"Babe, it's ok. You're safe now. Did he force himself on you? Did he…" I struggled with the words. I already knew the answer. Her pants were off and she was bloody. I was going to make sure someone paid with their life for this horrible act. "Did he rape you?"

The tears began again, and Stephanie looked down, trying to hide her face from me. I lifted her chin so that her eyes were looking directly into mine. "Listen. You DID NOT deserve this. Whatever happened was not your fault. I will find the person and kill them myself. Nothing like this will ever happen again, ok Babe? Did he rape you? "

Her silence spoke volumes and my anger continued to boil inside. All of the special ops and missions I had been on had done nothing to prepare me for this. My blank face was not working and my emotions were at the surface. Finally, she nodded her head. "Yes. He… he….raped me over and over. While beating me. I think I might…. have blacked out…. after I hit my head….on the bed post. He turned me over and…raped me from…."

She couldn't bring herself to say the words. She buried her face in my neck, and held her tightly. I could only imagine what had happened during the past 4 hours. Steph was really good at denial, and I worried that if I didn't get information from her now, she would shut down her emotions later and it would be harder to get enough info to find this creep.

"Steph do you know who it was? Did you get a good look at him? Could you identify him?"

"No …. I don't know ….I couldn't see. He…he wore a mask."

Just then there was a knock at the door, and Stephanie jumped like she had been shot. I continued to rub her back and whispered to her. "Babe that's probably Bobby and Tank. I'm going to lay you back down on the blanket, and I'll be right back, ok?"

The look in her eyes looked frantic. She grabbed at my shirt and locked her arms around my waist. "No, Ranger! Don't leave. Please….what if it's him. What if he's coming….back again. Please don't leave me. "

"It's ok, Babe. I won't leave you. I promise I'm not going anywhere. You're safe. Do you understand? No one will ever harm you again. I promise you."

I pulled out my phone and hit redial. Bobby answered and I told him to come on inside. I pulled the blanket up around Steph, making sure she was covered, and heard the door open in the entry way.

"We're in the bedroom." I called out. I was ssshhhing her and whispering Spanish to her. That always seemed to calm her.

"Listen Babe. I'm going to help you up, and then we're going to help you over to the bed so Bobby can take a look, ok?"

Stephanie nodded and Bobby walked towards us, nervously glancing at me. His eyes met mine, and I looked towards Tank. I could see fury in their eyes like I was feeling in my soul. Bobby reached down to help Steph up and he startled her. She flinched, bringing her hand up to shield her face, and turned her face towards me while burying her face in my shirt. Bobby stepped back, unsure how to proceed. Tank ran his hand over his face and head and turned his back towards us.

"Babe, it's ok. Bobby and Tank are here to help you. They are our friends. No one is going to hurt you again. We're going to make sure of it. I'm going to help you up now, ok?"

Stephanie nodded and I slid her legs over my arm. I held her closely and raised up on one knee, and then up to a standing position, carrying her to the bed. I laid her down and pulled the blanket up around her. I stepped a couple of steps away from the bed and talked low enough to be heard by Bobby and Tank. "I found her here cuffed to the bed. She's been beaten and ….", it took all of my willpower to not fly off and break something right now. I clinched my fists to my side and continued. "She's been raped. She doesn't want to go to the hospital because of the rumor mills. But she's obviously got to have some medical attention. The cut on her head is pretty bad. There was blood on the carpet under her hips, so I feel sure that's she's bleeding. She's shaken up and very nervous. Bobby I need you to look at her injuries and advise me of what to do next. She made me promise not to call the police in right now. You know the police department is worse than the Burg. Tank I want you to start dusting for prints and get some pics of the apartment. I'll take the pictures of Stephanie that we'll need when Bobby is done. I want us to have proof for when we find this bastard. But I'm thinking we won't need it since I'm going to kill him myself."

Bobby nodded. "Boss I can look her over for injuries, but she really needs a rape kit done on her, and I'm not sure she'd be comfortable with me doing that. I have a friend that works at the women's clinic in Newark. She owes me a favor. I can call her and ask her to meet us at Haywood and we can use the exam room in my apartment. With her being a female, Steph may….well she may be more comfortable with her doing the exam."

I nodded and looked over to Steph. She was curled up in a ball on her side, and looked so fragile. Bobby made his way over to Steph and squatted down beside the bed. Tank had stepped out of the room and pulled the door closed.

"Stephanie, I'm here. It's Bobby. Is it ok if I look at your injuries? I am here to help you."

Steph turned to look at me, and I spoke up. "Babe, I can step outside if you'd like. Whatever you're most comfortable with…"

"Ranger you promised not to leave me. I'm scared and…..you promised."

I went to sit beside her on the bed, taking her hand into mine and kissing her fingers. "I'm not going anywhere that you don't want me to go _Quierda_. It's ok. Can Bobby take a look?"

She turned on her back and nodded, holding on to my hand tightly. Bobby pulled the blanket down and inhaled deeply as he did. He took a moment to gather himself. I looked at her waist and hips, now uncovered and bare, and saw that the bruising was getting darker than it was when I first found her. He pressed lightly on her stomach and she hissed.

"Does that hurt Steph?"

"Yeah, it does. A little."

Bobby continued to check her out, noticing the blood on her tank top. He lifted it and we both saw perfect teeth marks on her neck in two places. There was also a bite on her right breast, that had now stopped bleeding, but must have been the cause of the blood on her shirt. We gently rolled her to her side, to see the bruising on her back and found another bite mark on her shoulder area. We helped her back to on to her back, and Bobby proceeded to check her face. One eye was completely swollen shut, her lips were swollen and bruised, and busted in a couple of places. Her temple was still oozing blood. "The cut on your head will have to be stitched up, Steph. I can do it here, but you also need a rape kit done. With all of these bite marks, there's probably some DNA we could find. I have a friend that owes me a favor. She's a female nurse practitioner that works in Newark. I can call her and see if she'll meet us at my apartment. That way, no one would know, and you might be more comfortable…."

Stephanie glanced up towards me. "He …the guy who did this…I think he used a condom. He took it with him, so there's probably no need to do a kit."

I held her face in my hands. "Steph, semen isn't the only thing that holds DNA. We can probably get some swabs from the bite marks. We're gonna make this guy pay dearly for what he's done to you."

She seemed deep in thought, as if waging some sort of internal battle. "Babe, it's up to you. Bobby can do it. Or we can call his friend. I want you to be comfortable.

"Carlos, I just …I just want it all to be over with. I want to get out of here. I…well, I want to leave the apartment. I don't want to ever come back here. Please take me home. I just want to go home to seven. To our home."

I pulled the covers up over her, and kissed her forehead. Bobby and I stood, and I motioned him towards the door.

"Go ahead and call your friend and ask her to meet us in your apartment as soon as possible. I'll gather up her things she'll need tonight and bring her there shortly. When we leave, have Tank come in and process the bedroom. I want it gone through thoroughly."

"Will do Boss. How did something like this happen? Why would someone do this to Steph?"

"I don't know. But I plan on finding out and killing him with my bare hands. "

"Ranger, don't let her shower before she's fully examined. We really need to get some pics but let's wait and let my friend do it. Steph might be more comfortable with that. She can do it while she's examining her. I'll go ahead and stitch up her head. I know she probably wants nothing more than to scrub away all the evidence of what's happened, but don't let her shower yet. We've already disturbed the scene enough. She needs to wear exactly what she has on. Have her put the pants back on that she had on. And Tank and I will box up the evidence from this room. Have her leave the blanket on the bed, in case there are any fibers on it we can pick up from the guy.

I nodded, trying to grasp all the information. Bobby pulled his phone out and started dialing. I walked back over to Steph, gently rubbing her cheek. The tears had stopped now, and she was staring off into space. She must be in shock. Bobby stepped over after calling the nurse practitioner.

"She'll meet us at Haywood in an hour. Steph, I'm going to stitch up your head now, ok?"

Stephanie nodded, but didn't turn towards him. Bobby opened his medical bag, and pulled out some supplies.

"You'll feel a little stick, while I inject the numbing medicine into the skin. Ready Bombshell?"

Stephanie made no effort to move or nod. She just laid there, holding my hand as I gently rubbed her jaw line. I nodded for Bobby to go ahead, and when he stuck her with the needle, she didn't even flinch.

Bobby made quick work of sewing up her temple, and he had it bandaged within a few minutes.

"I'll step into the living room so you can get her ready to head out."

I stood from where I was kneeling beside the bed, and turned Steph's face towards me. "Stephanie, honey, I am going to help you up. Let's put your clothes on and I'll take you to Haywood, ok?"

She nodded and I helped her up and to a sitting position. She grimaced and held her arm to her side and stomach, as if guarding it from the internal pain. I helped her to stand. I could tell from her wary movements that she was in pain, and she grimaced with each step she took. I picked up her pants and underwear from the floor and helped her put them on. The button was gone from her jeans, but I zipped them up.

"Ranger, I want a shower. But not here. I….can't stay here. Not anymore. Not for another minute."

"Babe, we'll get you a shower later. I promise. But for now, it's going to have to wait. Bobby's friend is going to meet us at his apartment, and we'll finish up the exam. We have to make sure you are going to be ok. Does that sound ok?"

She nodded, looking like she was getting weaker by the moment. I slipped her feet into some flip flops that were lying on the floor near her bedroom door. She looked as if she would collapse any minute. I gathered her up into my arms, and she sunk into me.

I opened the bedroom door to find Tank and Bobby standing in the kitchen. Bobby opened the front door for me, while Tank picked up his equipment and moved to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Bobby walked to the elevator with me, and hit the button. Thankfully, none of the tenants in the building were out and about at this time of day, and I carried her to my car without prying eyes. Bobby pushed the seat back as far as it would go and I laid her gently in the passenger seat, and buckled her in. Bobby shut the door and I walked to the back of the vehicle.

"I'll follow you there, Boss. I'll call and have Lester come help Tank finish the apartment and give him a ride back to Rangeman, if that's ok. Stephanie probably has a concussion as well, so if she dozes off to sleep, make sure you wake her every little bit. "

I nodded my approval and understanding, and went to get into the driver's side of the Cayenne. I was thankful for such great employees that were also wonderful friends. My anger was still at the surface, and if I could find the bastard that did this, he'd be dead already. As I slid into the car, I noticed Stephanie was looking out the window. Her face was expressionless as she stared ahead. She was the most important thing in the world to me, and right now that was all that mattered. I swore I would find who did this to her, and make them pay dearly.

As I started the car up, and backed out of the lot Steph turned to me.

"I'm sorry Ranger. I'm sorry that this happened. Tonight was supposed to be special. It was supposed to be the start of forever."

"Babe, we already have forever. Do not for a minute think that this was your fault. You're not getting rid of me _ever_. You got that? You're stuck with me, and I'm here for you. You are going to get through this, and we'll catch whoever did this. I promise you that. I love you Stephanie Michelle Plum. Nothing will ever change that. Do you understand?"

Stephanie took my hand as tears escaped her eyes. "You mean you're not angry with me? About this happening?"

"God yes! I am angry. I am angry as hell that this happened, that you were violated in such a terrible way, and that the sorry bastard is out there somewhere. But there is no way in hell that I'm angry with you Babe! I love you. And I am promising you here and now I will catch this guy. Trust me ok?"

Stephanie nodded and fell silent. As I drove towards Rangeman, my knuckles were white from gripping the wheel. I meant what I had promised Stephanie. I was going to find this guy. And that would be the last that would ever be seen of him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_**WARNING!**__ This is rated M. It has major violence and angst in it. I am not a violent writer, but as JE has had Morelli become more and more demanding of Stephanie in recent books, I wanted to explore the story line of what would happen if he became an abuser. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties._

_Previously:_

_Stephanie took my hand as tears escaped her eyes. "You mean you're not angry with me? About this happening?"_

_"God yes! I am angry. I am angry as hell that this happened, that you were violated in such a terrible way, and that the sorry bastard is out there somewhere. But there is no way in hell that I'm angry with you Babe! I love you. And I am promising you here and now I will catch this guy. Trust me ok?"_

_Stephanie nodded and fell silent. As I drove towards Rangeman, my knuckles were white from gripping the wheel. I meant what I had promised Stephanie. I was going to find this guy. And that would be the last that would ever be seen of him._

Continuing Rangers POV:

As we pulled into the garage, I glanced over at Stephanie for what seemed like the hundredth time. I had held her hand during the trip here, gently tracing circles on her tiny hand. Her gaze had not shifted from staring out the passenger side window. Her silence understandable, yet leaving me wanting to make her feel better…to take away the pain in some way. I pulled into the parking space and put the car in park. Stephanie sat still, unmoving. I opened my door and exited the car, jogging over to the passenger side of the vehicle.

I opened her door, and held out a hand to her. Her gaze finally faltered, looking up to meet mine, and I saw the depths of emotional pain in her eyes. Her face portrayed some of the physical pain that she had endured today. But her eyes were truly windows to her soul and I felt as helpless as a child. There was nothing that I could do in this moment to take away that pain. It left me feeling even angrier and more full of rage than I had been at her apartment.

I made an effort to tamp down the rage I was feeling. Steph pulled her long legs from the vehicle, and made an effort to stand. As she did she grabbed her side and let out a loud hiss through clenched teeth. She grabbed my hand as I leaned in to her to help her support her weight.

"I'm sorry Ranger. I thought I could do it on my own. I didn't realize how bad my ribs were." Her voice trailed off as she was trying to gather her emotions.

"Babe, that's what I'm here for. And don't be sorry. I love you and I am here for you. Besides, I'm carrying you upstairs. You're in no shape to walk. We are going to get through this together."

I pointed the fob at the security cameras to scramble them so that the guys in the control room wouldn't be able to see Steph. I would need their help in catching the SOB that did this, but seeing Stephanie right now, in this state while she was still so vulnerable, wasn't fair to her.

I lifted her out of the car and picked her up as she leaned into my chest. A sigh escaped her mouth quietly. "It's ok _Quierda_. You are safe here. I promise."

I closed the car door with my leg and went to the elevator. Bobby had parked and had caught up to us. As the doors opened, we stepped inside and he the button to take us to his apartment.

Bobby opened the door to his apartment and I stepped inside. He opened the door to his spare room, where his exam table and treatment room were housed. I gently laid Steph down on the table while Bobby got a blanket to cover her up with. There was a knock at the door, and Bobby excused himself to go answer.

I pulled up a chair beside Stephanie, and brushed wayward curls from her face. Her face was continuing to swell where she had been beaten, and the bruising was continuing to darken.  
Bobby knocked lightly on the door before coming in, and he was accompanied by a short woman, probably close to Steph's age, wearing medical scrubs. She had a bag of supplies with her that she handed off to Bobby. He went about placing the items on a nearby table, and she slowly walked towards Stephanie and I.

"Stephanie, my name is Kayla Manor. I am a nurse practitioner and a friend of Bobby's. I am here to help you. I know you've been through a terrible ordeal today, but we really need to do an exam and make sure that you are ok. I want you to be comfortable during the exam, and we can do it alone or if you'd like someone in here with you, then that is fine as well. "

Stephanie quickly glanced from Kayla back to me, and then to Bobby. "What does the exam entail?"

"Well, we need to do a rape kit to obtain some DNA evidence. Then, if it's ok with you, we need to take some pictures so that we have some proof when this person is caught. We can take our time and I can answer any questions that you might have. I also have some numbers for counselors that are in this area, as well as Newark that you might find helpful once you've had some time. Stephanie, Bobby told me that the perpetrator wore a condom, but as you know they are not always 100% effective. I will draw some blood to test you for some common STD's, just to be on the safe side. But I also brought a prescription for the morning after pill. Pregnancies resulting from rapes are not common, but they do happen. I wanted to give you that option if you'd like to take it as a precaution."

The thought of a pregnancy from this horrible act clearly had not entered Steph's mind. As she thought over the nurse's words, tears started pooling in her eyes and she began to sob quietly. I took her hand and held her gently. Bobby was the first one to break the silence, and spoke softly.

"Steph, why don't Ranger and I step right outside. Kayla can do the exam, and you can call for us if you need us. Sound ok?"

Stephanie held onto my hand but eventually nodded, and let go. I kissed her forehead lightly as I stood. "I'll just be right outside this door. Ok Babe?"

She nodded and I exited the room.

After what seemed like forever, but was actually about an hour, Kayla emerged from the room.

"Bobby, I gave her a mild sedative and she is resting right now. Whoever did this to her needs to be castrated! It's one of the worst rape cases I've ever been called in on. Besides the facial bruising and lacerations, she's got some bruised ribs, if they're not broken. There's not a place on her body that isn't bruised. I did the standard rape kit and STD workup. I swabbed the bite marks for DNA. I'll send the blood work results to you here at Rangeman. She has some internal lacerations that had to be stitched up. The stitches will dissolve on their own. The physical damage will heal eventually. But she's gonna need time to get over this emotionally. She won't say much about the person that did it. I asked if she thought she could describe them, and she seemed very hesitant. She finally said she didn't think she could. I didn't press her further for details. I went ahead and did the photos for you. They are on this media card. There wasn't any evidence of semen, but she decided that she wanted to take the preventative birth control that I spoke of earlier just in case. I have a handout on it that I'll leave with you along with the counselor's phone numbers and email addresses. Her clothing is here in this box. I labeled and bagged each piece, and sampled what I could for DNA. You may still want to process it yourself or have an independent lab take a look. Do you have some clothing for her to put on?"

Bobby nodded and went into his bedroom to retrieve a tshirt and some black sweatpants. When he returned, he handed them to me. Kayla turned to me as she was gathering her lab coat.

"Mr. Manoso, time is going the help her. But you can help her most by just being there with her. Take care of her. She's been through a very tragic ordeal. Please don't hesitate to call me if Stephanie needs me, or if you have questions. I do recommend that you encourage her to seek counseling. After our conversation, I feel that Stephanie is trying to block out a lot of what happened to her. Those details may be important later as you search for the sorry creep that did this."

Bobby turned to escort Kayla to the door. I opened the door and found Steph asleep on the treatment table. I wanted to take her in my arms and somehow protect her from the pain that she was going through. But I didn't want to startle her. I softly said her name, hoping not to startle her, as I gently touched her face. She opened her eyes to me, and I bent and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

"Would you like to go up to seven? You need some sleep, Babe."

She nodded slightly, and I could tell the sedative was beginning to take effect.

"Babe, I have some clothes here for you to put on. Would you like me to help you? Or would you prefer I step outside?"

Stephanie reached out her hand for me to assist her into a sitting position. I had seen her naked on numerous occasions, and I wanted to be here to help her. But at the same time, I didn't want her to be uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries that she needed to put up to protect herself.

"Ranger, it's ok. I trust you and I love you. Today doesn't change that. Besides, I don't think I can do it by myself."

I nodded. Thankful that she felt she could depend on me. I pulled the blanket back and threaded her legs through the sweat pants and pulled them to her knees. She was sitting on the table, and I removed the second blanket that had been pulled around her shoulders. Kayla was right. There was hardly a place that I could touch that didn't have bruising on it. The bite marks were red and angry looking, and handprints were evident on her neck, hips, and torso. I stilled the anger in me and gently pulled the tshirt over her head and helped her pull her arms through the holes. I placed my hands gently around her as I helped her stand, and pulled the sweat pants up and over her thin bruised hips. They were much too big for her, but would do until we could get to the apartment. I picked her up once more and walked out of the treatment room. Bobby met me at the door, and held the elevator for us.

"Ranger, call me if you need anything at all. I'll check on Stephanie in the morning. I have some pain pills here that I am going to leave with you. But if her pain gets to be too much, call me and I'll bring up an injection. I'm going to work on the documentation for those pictures tonight, and I'll have it all ready in the morning."

I nodded towards Bobby, and my eyes met his. I hope they conveyed the appreciation that I felt for his help. I know he loved her like a sister. His help had been invaluable tonight.

I used my key to open the door to seven, and walked through the apartment to the bedroom. I walked towards the bed to lay her down, but Stephanie placed a hand on my chest.

"No Ranger. The bathroom. I want a shower. Please."

I nodded my understanding, and stood her to her feet in the large tiled room. This had always been one of Stephanie's favorite parts of the apartment. I hoped and prayed it would give her some comfort as she tried to wash away the memory of today.

"Will you help me get in?" I looked up at her and her eyes were questioning, as if she was not sure of the answer.

"Of course, Babe." I helped her out of the clothes I had just dressed her in. She leaned in to me and I led her to the shower to one of the sitting benches, and placed a towel on it so that the cool tile wouldn't be uncomfortable before she sat down.

"Would you like me to help you in here? Or would you like some time by yourself?"

"I think I'm ok. I'll call for you when I'm done."

I nodded, understanding her need for some time alone, and pulled the shower door shut. I laid out two towels for her on the sink, as well as some underwear and one of my tshirts and my black boxers. I knew how much she liked sleeping in them when she was here. I hoped they would bring her comfort tonight.

I exited the bathroom, and sat in the bedroom, waiting for the sound of the water to stop. I could hear Steph crying, almost sobbing, mixed with the sound of water hitting her skin. I started to go in to comfort her, but she had asked me for some time alone. My need to be with her did not need to impede her need to deal with what had happened to her. After about 45 minutes, I heard the water stop, and the shower door click open. I went to open the bathroom door, and saw Stephanie staring at herself in the full length mirror. Her towel was clutched at her chest, as she lightly touched the bruises with her fingertips. Her earlier cries had stopped. Her fingertips went to her face as they touched the cut on her temple, and her swollen eyes that were battered from the beatings she had endured today.

It was then that I saw a flicker of rage in her eyes. Had I not been looking at her reflection in the mirror, I might have missed it myself. But in an instant, Stephanie turned and grabbed the silver toilet paper holder that was on the floor behind her. In an instant, it was flung through the air into the mirror, crashing the mirror into thousands of pieces. A deep, primal, guttural scream escaped her lips as she picked up the silver holder once more, flinging it into the remaining mirror above the sink. I stood there and watched as she shook, looking for something else to break. I turned and walked to the kitchen, and took every plate and saucer that was in the cabinet out. I carried them to the bathroom, and placed them on the counter near the sink. She was crying in earnest now, and she looked at me. I handed her the first dish, and nodded. She took it and threw it against the shower tile. It crashed and broke into hundreds of pieces. She screamed again. This time louder and deeper. She held her side, oblivious to the pain in her ribs, as I handed her another plate. We continued this until all the plates were broken except one. She was no longer shaking, but her cries were coming in short gasps now. She hiccupped through her cries and looked towards me as if unsure what to do. Glass and broken dishes were lying in ruins all around her. I walked over to her, picked her up, and carried her from the bathroom to make sure she wouldn't step on any broken glass. I gently sat her down on the bed and went back into the dressing room to get another shirt and some underwear since the ones from earlier were now covered in glass shards.

I helped her into them and held her hand as she lay back on to the bed. I pulled the covers up over her and bent to kiss her forehead.

"Please stay. Don't leave me. "

I nodded and walked to the other side of the bed. I undressed quickly, placing my cell phone and gun on the night stand as I slipped under the covers with her. I pulled her to me as her crying continued to slow and her breathing evened out. I stroked her hair as she continued to fall into sleep, exhausted from the days brutality and her own meltdown.

Sleep finally claimed me as well, until I was awoken a couple of hours later by Stephanie tossing fitfully in her sleep. She was mumbling something I couldn't understand and was kicking under the covers. I tried to pull her to me, trying to ssshh her with soothing words. As I touched her arm, to pull her to me, she started fighting me. _Dios_! She must be dreaming about the attack.

"Stephanie, honey! Wake up. It's me, Carlos. Wake up. You're safe and you're here with me. "

She was sobbing as her fight continued. The more I tried to hold her, the worse it became. She began yelling and screaming while fighting me in her sleep.

"_No! Stop! Please….don't…please don't do this. Please stop….. and we can talk about this." _

More inaudible words were mumbled as I continued to try to wake her from the nightmare. She reached out to push me and I tried once again to hold her to me. As I pulled her into my embrace, my heart sank as I heard the words that made my blood run cold.

"_Please Joe stop. Please don't….don't do this. You're hurting me…Joe stop …..please!" _


	4. Chapter 4

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_**Rated M for angst and adult content.**_

_Previously: _

_"Stephanie, honey! Wake up. It's me, Carlos. Wake up. You're safe and you're here with me. "_

_She was sobbing as her fight continued. The more I tried to hold her, the worse it became. She began yelling and screaming while fighting me in her sleep._

_"__No! Stop! Please….don't…please don't do this. Please stop….. and we can talk about this." _

_More inaudible words were mumbled as I continued to try to wake her from the nightmare. She reached out to push me and I tried once again to hold her to me. As I pulled her into my embrace, my heart sank as I heard the words that made my blood run cold._

_"__Please Joe stop. Please don't….don't do this. You're hurting me…Joe stop …..please!" _

**Stephanie's POV:**

My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat. Someone is holding on to me. They have my wrists held down. It must be Joe. I have to fight him again. I can't let him do it again! He must have found me and he's trying to rape me again. He swore he would find me and hunt me down. I keep hearing someone call my name. I'm scared to open my eyes…scared to see the face staring back at me. If I don't see it, is it still real? How did Joe find me? How did he get in to Rangers apartment?

I heard someone call my name again.

_"Stephanie, honey! Wake up. It's me, Carlos. Wake up. You're safe and you're here with me. "_

I can see Joe hurting me in my mind. He's on top of me in my apartment and he's smacking me again. My voice catches in my throat. "_No! Stop! Please….don't…please don't do this. Please stop….. and we can talk about this."_

Someone is still holding on to me. It doesn't feel like Joe. But I can't bring my self to wake up. I am scared to open my eyes. I'm trying to fight them off. I'm so tired and sore. I can't do this much longer.

_"__Please Joe stop. Please don't….don't do this. You're hurting me…Joe stop …..please!" _

As I continued to struggle, I felt strong arms holding me to a warm body, softly whispering to me. It's not Joe. It's Carlos. He's speaking Spanish to me. I love how his voice sounds. It always makes me feel safe. My eyes are heavy with sleep and I still can't open them. I'm scared that him being here…Carlos being here…will be a dream. My body feels heavy and sore and my eyes are so swollen. I can't open them. I inhaled deeply and smell the warm scent of Ranger mixed with his shower gel. The sound of his voice and the smell of him so near me relaxes me and assures me that for this moment in time, I am safe. I drift back off to sleep praying that the nightmare doesn't come back. Maybe when I wake up, it will all have been a bad dream.

**Ranger's POV:**

Stephanie struggled for what seemed like hours, but was probably more like 10 minutes. She was reliving the attack. I tried to hold her, but I think it only made it worse. Once she spoke Joe's name in her sleep, I had all the information that I needed. Stephanie wasn't willing to give me details about who raped her, but I now know enough to take care of it. Morelli was going to go down. She will never be hurt again. I can stake my life and reputation on that. What I don't understand is why would she not tell me who did this? Why was she scared of him when she knew I could protect her?

I whispered to her in Spanish, telling her that I loved her and that it was going to be ok. She never fully awoke, and never opened her eyes. I'm not sure that she could even if she had tried; they are so swollen from the attack yesterday. I pulled her into me and held her tightly. As she started to relax, she took a deep breath and seemed to go back into a deep sleep. I wish to God that I could take her pain away. But I can make sure that she's never hurt again.

When her breathing had slowed and returned to normal, indicating that she was in a deep sleep, I reached for my cell phone on the bedside table. I hit the speed dial button for Bobby, and he answered on the second ring. His voice sounded thick with sleep.

"Yeah Boss, is Steph ok?"

I spoke softly so as not to awaken Steph. "Yeah Bobby. She just had a pretty bad nightmare. Can you come up to the apartment? Bring some pain meds with you as well as something else for her to sleep. I want her to rest. Also, bring Tank and Lester with you. I know it's the middle of the night, but this is important."

"Sure thing. We'll be there in five."

I hung up and gently rolled Steph over so that she was curled up to my pillow. She exhaled softly, and I covered her up with the blanket. As I slipped out of the bed, I went to the dressing room and quickly dressed in black cargos and all my weapons. I exited the bedroom, and left the door slightly opened so that I could hear Steph if she started having nightmares again.

Tank, Lester, and Bobby knocked gently on the door, and I crossed the apartment to let them in. Bobby had his medical bag with him, and they all looked a little worse for the wear. They were all dressed in sweats or gym shorts with wife beater tanks or Rangeman tshirts. Their hair was all mussed from sleep, but each one's eyes were wide awake and intent.

"I'm sorry to wake you guys. I know you are probably as tired as I am. But there's been a development. Stephanie had a nightmare a few minutes ago. During the nightmare, she told me who did this to her. She never fully woke up, but I believe that her subconscious mind is reliving the ordeal. Earlier she wouldn't say who did it. She told me they had a mask on and was unable to give me or the nurse any other details about the sorry son of a bitch. But I felt like something was off…"

Lester interrupted. "Boss, that just doesn't seem like Bombshell. She's usually the one that can pick up on all the little details on a takedown. She has such a keen sense of observation. Looks like she would be able to tell you _something_ about the person that did this. Tank gave us a briefing tonight after you guys returned. By his estimates, the guy was there with her for at least an hour or two."

"Yeah Lester, I know. That's why I think she's either blocked it from her mind, or she's been threatened. Something just isn't adding up."

I was trying really hard not to let the rage and fury that was boiling inside me come out. I had my core team here for a reason. We were going to come up with a plan. It was going to be measured and calculated, and I was going to institute my own justice for Stephanie.

Tank sat on the sofa, and looked up at me. "Ranger, what are you not telling us? You look like you could chomp nails. You said Bombshell told you who did it in her sleep. Are you sure you understood her? What did she say? Who did this to her? "

All three men turned their eyes towards me. "Morelli. It was Joe. Stephanie was screaming in her sleep, begging him to stop. I know exactly what I heard. And I know exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to kill the bastard and then Stephanie will never have to worry about him again."

Tank was the first to speak. "Boss I don't blame you a bit, but have you spoken with Stephanie about this? If she finds out that you…._disposed_….of him, she may never forgive you. And I'm not usually one to question you, or even want the police involved, but if he did this, then we could file a report on him. He has everything to lose….his job, his credibility, and his freedom. Are you sure you don't want to try to convince Steph to press charges?"

What Tank was saying did make sense. But I needed to get my hands on the sick bastard. I needed to make him feel as hurt and vulnerable as he did Steph. She didn't deserve the treatment she received from him… no one deserves to be hurt like that.

The rest of the guys could see my struggle, and Bobby stepped forward. "Ranger, why don't we talk to Steph. Let's see what she has to say. If she gets upset, I'll give her an injection to calm her down and help her sleep. We need to at least know why she's scared of him. There has to be more here that we know."

I didn't want to wake her. And I didn't want the police involved. I wanted Morelli all to myself. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt Steph. But I couldn't go into this without all the information. I needed to know exactly what he said when he broke into Steph's apartment. I unclipped my phone from my belt and called the control room. Hal answered.

"Hal, I need for who ever is working tonight to go pick up Morelli. Make it quiet, quick, and neat. Make sure no one sees him. Bring him back here to the gun range in the basement. Lock him up and make him wait. Let me know when he's down there."

Hal replied with a quick "yes sir" and the phone call ended.

I quickly told Tank and Lester to go get dressed, and nodded for Bobby to follow me into the bedroom to Babe. She was curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed. Her hair was splayed around her and the covers had been kicked off again. Her shirt had risen up from her waist, and the bruising was peaking out from under it. As we walked into the bedroom, the light from the living room cast a glow on her body. Bobby gasped and reached out for my arm. Bobby had been in combat areas and wars. Bobby didn't gasp normally. I quickly turned to face him, my eyes locking his.

He whispered quietly , "Ranger, her bruising is much worse than I originally thought. We may need to take her to the ER after all. She could have a ruptured spleen or some damaged internal organs."

He walked over to the bed and started to touch Steph to wake her. I stopped him and shook my head. Quietly, I spoke. "No Bobby, she's scared. Let me do it. "

I turned on the bedside lamp and gently sat down beside Stephanie. I started to pull the covers up so that she wouldn't be so exposed, and noticed the outline of a perfect shoe print on her hip. I pointed to Bobby, and he looked her over. He hissed, and ran his hand through his hair. I tried to still the fury rising up in me. I had to get as much information as possible from Stephanie, but she had already been through so much tonight.

I covered her, and gently caressed her face. She flinched, and immediately started to scramble away from me. I reached for her and held her against me. I could feel her heart beat against my chest, and could see her pulse in her throat.

"Babe, it's ok. It's just me. You are safe and no one will ever hurt you again. "

Stephanie had settled a bit, but she looked around and saw Bobby standing behind me.

"What….what's going on?" she stammered.

I laid her back on the bed, and rubbed her arm gently. Her eyes were even more swollen than yesterday, if that's possible, and her face was almost unrecognizable. The only indication that this was Steph was the intense blue eyes that were now showing fear, and the wild curly hair.

"Babe, it's ok. Calm down. I need you to listen very closely to me. You are safe here. I promise. But you had a nightmare. Do you remember it?"

Stephanie looked from Bobby back to me, and then hung her head down. She shook her head, ever so slightly, and started to bite at her bottom lip.

"Um…uh…no. I don't think so."

"Babe, are you sure? I need you to be totally honest with me. I swear to protect you. But I need you to talk to me and tell me what you remember. Can you do that for me?"

Tears were starting to trickle down her face. She wouldn't meet my gaze, and I lifted her chin slightly with my thumb and forefinger.

" I promise you, nothing will happen to you- I can make sure of that. But I think that you do know who did this. And I think you're trying to protect someone. Why are you protecting the evil monster that did this?"

Fury flashed in her eyes. She quickly retreated from my touch, and hissed in pain from the quick movement, clutching her side. "I'm not protecting _him_ Ranger…you don't understand…he said…." and her voice trailed off. She looked down and it hit her that she had just proved that she knew who did this. She quickly tried to amend what she said. "I told you I don't know who did this. Why are you doing this to me? I just want to be here, and to sleep, and try to forget it ever happened."

I reached and held her hand in mine and traced the lines in her palm. "Babe, I know who did this. So the sooner you tell me what happened, the sooner I can make him pay. I want to help you. I swear you will never be hurt like this again. I can and will put a stop to it!" I wanted her to feel safe, but I also wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know that I could make this better.

She was tugging at a string on the comforter…trying to avoid my eyes. But when she heard me tell her I knew who did this she finally met my gaze. She stilled and then stammered…"How? How do you know? There's no way…"

"Babe, when you had the nightmare, you screamed out their name. You told them to stop. I know it was Joe, Steph. Tell me what happened. I can make sure he never touches you again. Why did you protect him Steph? Just let me know and I'll take care of the rest."

Stephanie shouted at me, furious now. "You think I am protecting _**him**_? There's no way I'd ever do that, Ranger! If you must know, _**yes**_, it was Joe. He came to the apartment and wanted in to talk. I only partially opened the door! I tried to keep him out and he pushed past me and shoved me out of the way! It wasn't my fault. I honestly tried to keep him out! He wanted to talk and I told him there was nothing to talk about! He pushed his way in and saw that I was moving. I finally told him that I was moving in with you and then…well, he snapped! That's when he jerked me over to the wall and choked me! Do you think I _wanted_ this to happen? How could you think that? He held me down….I tried….honest, I fought as hard as I could…he was so strong….and I couldn't….God, Ranger why would you say I was protecting _**him**_?"

Steph was shaking all over and had her knees pulled to her chest. She couldn't get the words out for the tears and gasps in between crying. Her eyes were wild and frantic, and tears were falling uncontrollably. My heart was aching because I had handled this all wrong. I only wanted to help, to make her feel safe, and here she was feeling that I thought she had somehow brought this on herself. I reached out to her, putting my arm around her, and scooted closer to her on the bed. I looked over to Bobby, who was clearly at a loss for what to do, and nodded towards the door.

"Bobby, can you give us a minute? I'll call you when we're ready for you."

He left the room, and I turned her chin up so that her eyes were looking in to mine.

I spoke softly while holding her gaze. "Steph, **do not** for one minute think that this was your fault. I know that. There is nothing that you could have done to elicit this….this… brutality from him. He had no right to lay one finger on you, and listen to my words. _**He. Will. Pay. Dearly! **_Babe, I only want to know why you didn't trust me enough to tell me last night. I know you wouldn't protect him for doing this, but I need to know why you couldn't tell me the truth last night. You trust me, right? I've never given you a reason not to. Please know that I would never hurt you. I love you, Stephanie!"

She laid her head on my shoulder and continued to sob. "Carlos, you don't understand. " Her words were coming in between sniffles now. "I'm not protecting him. I was trying to ….protect….you." Her voice was almost a whisper. If I hadn't been hanging on every word, I wouldn't have even been able to hear what she said.

"What do you mean Steph? I don't need you to protect me. He has no idea what I can do to him. I can and will make him disappear. He is as good as dead."

Steph looked up at me, shaking. "**NO**! You can't do that Ranger! He can't know that you know! We have just now found our forever. We've spent too much time apart already! I want to spend the rest of my life with you. He has evidence on you! He told me he would kill me if I told anyone, and that he had evidence that would send you to jail for the rest of your life! I can't live with myself if that happens! Please Ranger! Let's just pretend none of this happened. If he doesn't think you know, then maybe he will leave us alone!"

It all made sense now. Stephanie wasn't protecting _him_, she was protecting _me._ That's her alright…always putting everyone else before herself. I shook my head, hardly able to contain the rage inside. I should have been able to figure this out. I should have known Joe would snap once he found out Stephanie was with me for good. I should have realized that he would try to use our love for each other to scare her into silence.

"Babe, I can take care of myself. Joe doesn't scare me, nor does he have any evidence on me. What could he possibly have that result in me being sent to jail?"

Steph was still looking down at the comforter, and once again her words came as a whisper. Almost as if she said them quietly enough, the reality of them would go away. "He said he has evidence that you killed Abruzzi when he held me hostage and tortured me. Ranger, I can't and won't let you go to jail for something you did to protect me. So I am protecting you. He can't know that you know what happened. He can't know that you know he did this. _Please_!"

"Babe, there is no way he can prove that. He's lying to you. Don't worry about me, Steph. Everything will be ok, I promise." I decided that she had been through enough for the night. It was now well into the morning, and she looked utterly exhausted. I started to pull away from her, to go get Bobby to check her out once more before giving her something to help her rest.

But she reached out to me, her small hand grasping my arm. I turned and looked at her, before standing.

"You did it, though, didn't you? You did kill Abruzzi? And if he can prove that, he can send you to jail, right?"

"No Steph. He can't send me to jail. I promise. There is no way that he can. Don't worry one more minute about it. I'll handle everything. "

"Ranger, don't lie to me. You asked me for the truth, and I gave it to you. I trust you. Now please don't lie to me. Tell me the truth. Did you kill Abruzzi? Can he prove you did it? Is it possible?"

I stopped and closed my eyes. My mind started to drift back to that night. Abruzzi had tortured Stephanie, and I swore that he would never harm her again. Sure I had found him. Tank, Lester, Bobby, Cal, Hal, and myself. We went and found the sorry SOB. And yes, he had died that night, but not as a result of my wrath. Everyone thought that I was the one that killed him. I had never spoken of that night to Stephanie, besides telling her that he would never harm her again. The official police report stated that it was suicide. The truth was something very different.

"Babe, I didn't kill Abruzzi. Honest. I am not lying to you. Yes, I wanted to. And I was going to. I don't deny that. You know that I am a man that is always in control of my emotions. But that night….the night when Abruzzi hurt you, when he tortured you. Well, something in me snapped. We went to find him, and I was going to kill him. When we…me and the guys…when we found him it was all I could do not to rip his heart out of his chest with my bare hands. What I am about to tell you can never be repeated. Only me and my core guys know. And it is never to be spoken of again. Do you understand?"

Stephanie nodded slightly, signifying her understanding and I continued. "Well, Tank said he had never seen me like that. He's been in wars with me…serious combat. We know all there is to know about each other. But when we had to kill in those instances, it was because of a mission. We never killed in hate or fury. We never took lives in anger…we did what we had to do to protect innocent lives. So when we found Abruzzi, Lester, Hal, Cal, and Bobby held me back. They wouldn't let me go near him. I swear Babe, I tried. And had I gotten to him first, I _would_ have killed him. I would have killed him in anger and fury. No doubt about it. But Tank….well…he got to him first. He killed him to protect an innocent life. Your life. "

Stephanie sat there in disbelief. "I can't believe that Tank would…" her voice trailed off. "Why? I never thought he even liked me that much. Why would he do that for me? He risked his life for me?"

"Babe, he knows how much I love you. And yes, Tank thinks the world of you. And he knows that I would do the same thing for him as well. But there is no way that Joe could have evidence that I killed Abruzzi. He lied to you to keep you quiet. We made sure there was no evidence to be found. Trust me when I tell you that Joe _can not_ harm me. He can't harm Tank either. The official police file is closed. Do you trust me?"

Stephanie nodded. "You know I do. But if you go and find him, and hurt him, he'll press charges. Even if I press charges for the rape and assault, it's going to be my word against his since he used a condom. There's no DNA. And I don't want to be the talk of the gossip mills in town. If you kill him, you know that it will be found out. People will assume it was you. Ranger, can't we please just drop this. Please?"

"No Babe. Just trust me on this. There was DNA from the bites and you have a bruise in the shape of a shoe print on your hip. It would have to be a perfect match to his. That alone is evidence enough to convict him. But jail would be too easy on him. Just trust me to handle this. You have nothing to worry about. Now you need to sleep. Bobby is here to check out your bruises. He thinks that you may need to go on to the ER due to your bruising just to check out your internal injuries. Is it ok if he comes in and checks on you once more?" I stood from the bed, helping her to lie back down on the bed.

I am not sure if it was because she trusts me enough, or if she finally just gave up due to exhaustion, but she finally nodded her okay for Bobby to check her out. I stepped out of the room to get Bobby, and he followed me back into the bedroom.

"Babe, I need to get a picture of your bruise on your hip. Is that ok? " She nodded and pulled her shirt up, exposing her milky white skin heavily marred with purple, black, blue, and green bruising. I took a few pictures with my cell phone camera, since they had darkened considerably since the earlier pictures.

Bobby moved closer to the bed, and did what he needed to do. When he finally finished, I pulled the bedding up around her shoulders, and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Bobby spoke first.

"Stephanie, I am worried about your liver, spleen, and kidneys. It's possible, from the looks of how brutally you were beaten and kicked, that your organs may have been damaged. You already have more tenderness in your left side than you did earlier. Your spleen could have been injured and if so, you could bleed out. There's no way I can know for sure without a scan. I don't have the capability of doing that here at Rangeman. I know you don't want to go to the ER here, but how about we take you out of town? To one of the larger hospitals. We could check you in with a different name. Would you agree to that? I would really rather us be safe than sorry. "

Stephanie looked at me, desperately wanting me to disagree with Bobby. I spoke up. "Babe, please. For me? Please do this. "

She was unsure how to answer. I knew she hated hospitals. But I also knew that there was a possibility that she had more injuries than we were aware of at this time. Of course, Steph wanted to take a trip to denial land instead of listening to reason.

"How about this? How about Bobby stays with me and keeps a check on me through the night. If I get worse, begin hurting more, or develop any new symptoms, then I go to the ER. Otherwise, Bobby will continue to treat me here and then tomorrow I will go to one of the clinics out of town to have a scan. Is that a fair compromise?"

Bobby hesitated, and then finally nodded his head in resignation. "Ok Steph. If Ranger agrees, then that's what we'll do. But you have to promise to tell me if you experience any new symptoms at all. Any shortness of breath, light headedness, nausea, more pain. Anything at all. You got it? "

Stephanie nodded her understanding. "I promise, really I do. Is that okay Ranger?"

"Babe, you know we're just worried about you, right? If something were to happen to you….if you hadn't made it tonight…I ….well I …." my voice trailed off. "I couldn't live without you in my life, now that I have you."

Bobby had prepared an injection while Stephanie and I were speaking. "Stephanie, I have something for you to help you rest and relax. Sound okay? It'll only hurt for a second." Stephanie nodded, and pulled her panties halfway down so that he could access the skin on her hip. I held her hand and once he was finished, Bobby turned to leave.

"I'll be checking on you about every hour or so. Just call for me if you need me before then." We nodded and Bobby slipped out of the room quietly.

Stephanie snuggled into me, and I stroked her hair gently. She had dropped the conversation about Joe, and I was glad. Nothing she could say would keep me from going after him. I waited until her breathing slowed, and her body had relaxed. The medication seemed to have helped her to relax. Once she was asleep, I turned her towards the pillow and slipped out of the bed.

When I left the bedroom, Bobby jumped up, assuming I was coming to get him. "Is she ok? Do you need something?"

"No she finally fell asleep. How long will that shot make her sleep?"

"Probably at least 4 to 6 hours, Boss."

"That gives me plenty of time. Stay with her, and I'll be back by then."

Bobby nodded, understanding where I was going even without the words being spoken.

I left the apartment and went down to the garage. Cal and Hal had done as I had asked earlier, and I found Morelli handcuffed to one of the railings in the gun range. Both Cal and Hal were standing outside the gun range doors, waiting on me.

Cal spoke first. "Do you need us to stick around, Boss?"

I shook my head. "No. Head back upstairs. Officer Morelli and I have a private matter to discuss."

Both of them nodded and headed for the elevator, leaving me standing at the door.  
Morelli was mine now. And I intended to make him pay for ever hurting Steph.  
Vengence belongs to the Lord above. But I was about to arrange the meeting for Morelli.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews for this story. I know it is a rather dark subject, but I hope that everyone is enjoying the character development so far. If you have suggestions, just let me know. Now, for the next chapter of No Stranger to Pain.

(Also, characters are not mine. Unfortunately!)

_Previously:_

_I left the apartment and went down to the garage. Cal and Hal had done as I had asked earlier, and I found Morelli handcuffed to one of the railings in the gun range. Both Cal and Hal were standing outside the gun range doors, waiting on me._

_Cal spoke first. "Do you need us to stick around, Boss?"_

_I shook my head. "No. Head back upstairs. Officer Morelli and I have a private matter to discuss."_

_Both of them nodded and headed for the elevator, leaving me standing at the door.  
Morelli was mine now. And I intended to make him pay for ever hurting Steph.  
Vengence belongs to the Lord above. But I was about to arrange the meeting for Morelli._

I walked into the gun range to find Morelli handcuffed to a pipe running the length of the wall. The smell of liquor was heavy on him, and his eyes were bloodshot. He was wearing faded jeans and a pullover shirt. He looked as if he hadn't showered in days and was in bad need of a shave. I looked closer, and there was blood on the hem of his shirt.

"Manoso, unlock these cuffs right now. I'll have you arrested for assaulting an office so quick that it'll make your head spin."

In that one instant, I snapped. I lunged towards him, slamming him into the concrete wall. I picked him up and lifted him several inches off the ground with my hand on his neck.

"No, Morelli, _you_ listen to _me_! I know exactly what you did to Stephanie. I have proof. And DNA. Don't doubt me when I tell you that I very well could kill you. With one flick of my wrist, I could snap your neck in two and dispose of you so well that the vultures wouldn't even have anything left to pick off your sorry ass bones! You think you can scare her into silence, but there is one thing you forgot about. You forgot about how much I love her. And I am willing to die for those that I love. Did you really think that I wouldn't find out that it was you? Did you really think that I wouldn't hunt you down like a dog on a scent and sink my claws into you?"

Morelli was gasping for breath, and his face was turning blue from the lack of oxygen. He managed to mutter, "Put ….put me down you…. bastard!".

"That's right. Go ahead and beg. By the time I am finished with you, you will be begging me to call the cops so that you can confess to what you've done. But for now, I am gonna give you a piece of your own justice. You are so weak, such a low life, that you'd rather see Stephanie hurt and miserable, rather than let her go so she could be happy!"

Still gasping for breath, Morelli spat out, "She's not happy with you. She is mine. You just got in the way."

I let him go and shoved him to the floor. He heaved for air as I continued.

"So why not come after me? If that was the problem, why did you have to go after Stephanie? To make yourself feel powerful? In control? Well, let me tell you something you little prick! I hope you got your rocks off on that power you felt, because it's the last you'll ever feel. I intend to make sure of that."

Morelli came up swinging, but he was no match for my anger. I hit, beat, and kicked him until he was on the verge of consciousness. I pounded his head into the wall, and then kicked him repeatedly. I wanted him to hurt like Steph hurt. I wanted him to feel the fear that she felt. I had decided that I wasn't going to kill him. At least not right away. Death would be too easy for him. I wanted him to suffer and have a sense of loss. Loss like Stephanie felt when he beat and tortured her, and raped her. I don't recognize the person that I became in that instant. My mind's eye went to the vision of Stephanie in my mind. Her bruised body, her cries and sobs, her screams during her nightmare. All of the anger that I felt, that I had been tightly reigning in over the past several hours came lashing out in a fury. I am not sure how long I had been down there. I lost control but finally snapped back into reality when Tank, Lester, Cal, and Hall pulled me off of Morelli.

I could hear voices around me, but didn't realize what they were saying. I struggled to break free from their tight holds, trying my best to get back at Morelli. He was laying in a heap in the floor, breathing, but unconscious. Finally, my mind snapped to attention when I heard Tank say "Ranger, that's enough! Steph needs you, man!"

I looked at him, and finally stopped struggling. "What's wrong? What do you mean?"

"Steph had another nightmare. Bobby woke her, and tried to settle her down. She's calling for you, man. She's hysterical."

_Dios_! She's already been through so much! How much more? My mind was racing and I sprinted to the elevator. I called back to Cal and Hal over my shoulder. "Keep Morelli locked up. I'm not finished with him."

Tank and I got on the elevator, and he fobbed us up to the seventh floor. I could hear Steph's cries from outside the apartment door. I raced through the door, and into the bedroom. Bobby was sitting on the floor, holding Stephanie, and she was hysterically crying and sobbing. The bedside lamp was lying broken on the floor. I rushed to Stephanie and took her into my arms. She clung to me as if I were her lifeline. Sobs continued to wrack her body, and I held her tightly.

"Bobby, what happened?"

"She had another nightmare. I had turned the lights off so that she could rest, and I left the bedroom door open so I could hear her if she woke up. I was on the couch and heard her crying so I ran in here. I tried to wake her up, but it didn't work at first. She was fighting and thrashing in her sleep. I've never seen anything like it! Even with a full dose of the medication for sleep, she was strong as an ox! I pulled her up to me trying to hold her and wake her up, but I am guessing that it was too dark in here and she didn't realize who I was. I tried to turn the lamp on so that she could see me and wake up, but it ended up crashing on the floor. She fought me with everything she had. She got two good right hooks in too! All I can guess is that she thought I was Morelli again."

I sat there trying to comfort Steph. I whispered in Spanish to her quietly while stroking her hair. "Steph, Babe. Everything is ok. I am here now, just relax. You're safe with me."

Tank and Bobby started to leave the bedroom, but I motioned for them to stay. After a few moments, Steph's sobs finally died down to whimpers, and she seemed to have relaxed some. I'm not sure she ever fully awakened throughout the entire ordeal. She never opened her eyes fully, though I'm not sure you could tell if she did from the swelling. Between the medication for sleep and all that had happened to her, her body and mind were exhausted.

Once I felt that she had calmed enough to be asleep, I whispered to Tank and Bobby, "Help me get her up onto the bed. Tank lifted her bruised body from my lap, and gently placed her on the bed. She whimpered slightly, but didn't move. I retrieved a small night light from the bathroom and plugged it into an outlet in the bedroom. A soft faint light glowed from the plug in. I pulled off my shoes and belt and climbed onto the bed with her, pulling the covers up and over her.

I whispered in a low voice. "Bobby go check on Morelli. He's in the gun range. Make sure he's not dead yet. Lock him up in one of the large storage rooms in the garage. Put a guard on the outside of his door. Tank, I want all of the evidence we have on him along with all the pictures compiled into a report by 8am. Bobby has already started on it. He has all of the evidence and pictures, and there's a few more on my phone." I took my phone out of my pocket and handed it over to Tank. "I want every detail included in that report; every _i_ dotted and every_ t_ crossed."

Both men nodded their understanding, and turned to leave. Bobby stopped, and whispered, "Ranger, she still has to be awakened every two hours due to her concussion. Do you want me to check back in with you in a bit?"

I nodded to him. "Yeah, that'll be fine. Just use your key to come in. I'm not leaving her for a minute until she gets some rest."

Bobby left and my thoughts turned to Stephanie. I can't image what her dreams must be filled with since the attack. Morelli took more than just sex from her. He took a piece of her that may never quite heal. But if anyone can get through an attack like this, it's my Babe. I pulled her to me and stared at her in the glow of the dim light. Then and there, holding her to me while listening to her breathe softly, I did something that I hadn't done in a very long time. I prayed.  
I prayed for Stephanie to be able to put this horrible ordeal behind her. And I prayed for forgiveness for what I was going to do to Morelli.


	6. Chapter 6

_**There's still the angst warning. This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you. Subject matter is violence and rape, so once again, you've been warned. I don't own anything, but am just using the characters for creative liberties. **_

_Previously:_

_Bobby left and my thoughts turned to Stephanie. I can't image what her dreams must be filled with since the attack. Morelli took more than just sex from her. He took a piece of her that may never quite heal. But if anyone can get through an attack like this, it's my Babe. I pulled her to me and stared at her in the glow of the dim light. Then and there, holding her to me while listening to her breathe softly, I did something that I hadn't done in a very long time. I prayed. I prayed for Stephanie to be able to put this horrible ordeal behind her. And I prayed for forgiveness for what I was going to do to Morelli._

Stephanie finally quieted down and slept. I held her as she slept in my arms, lightly stroking her hair. I silently willed her to find the strength to get through this. The fury inside me was still at a boiling point, but I had to keep my head screwed on straight. I had to be here for Steph. She needed me and at this point, I was the only one she felt comfortable with. I can't imagine what she must have gone through during the attack. She's the strongest person that I know. Even through the violent attack and rape, and almost being beat to death, she still tried to protect me. I've never had anyone love me like that. I've never known what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that kind of unselfish love.

My thoughts were interrupted by a slight tap on the bedroom door. Bobby walked in and whispered quietly. "Ranger, we need to wake Steph up. She's got a concussion and she's been asleep for about two hours."

I nod my head in understanding. I turned Steph onto her side gently, and walked out of the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. "Bobby, call Ella to come and clean up the glass in the bathroom. I'm sure Steph will have to use the bathroom when she wakes up, and I don't want her to have to see it being cleaned up and relive what happened. After it's cleaned up, I'll wake her up.

Bobby looked confused. "Why is there broken glass in the bathroom?"

Steph had a meltdown earlier. She broke the mirrors, and she looked like she needed something else to break. So I gave her some plates. And cups. And bowls. And…". My voice trailed off.

Bobby's lips tilted in an almost smile. If it weren't for the severity of the situation, I'm sure he would have smiled. But he simply patted me on the back and nodded in understanding.

I went back into the bedroom and gently sat beside Steph so that I would be there if she woke up. A few minutes later, Ella quietly walked through the dimly lit bedroom towards the bathroom wearing her pajamas with a robe tied over them. I'm sure Bobby had awakened her, but it couldn't be helped. Bobby was following her close behind and they went into the bathroom and shut the door. I heard the quiet scrape of glass being swept up, as well as mumbled voices. A few short minutes later, they both emerged from the bathroom, with Bobby carrying several full trash bags, and Ella wiping tears from her eyes. She turned to me and I could see the heartbreak in her eyes. When she stopped, she caught a glimpse of Stephanie. She inhaled quickly as she saw the visual of Stephanie lying on the bed. Steph was covered from the waist up by the blankets and sheet, but the glow from the bathroom cast a light on her face and I'm sure Ella could only imagine what had happened. I wasn't sure what Bobby had told Ella thus far, but I'm sure that he wouldn't invade her privacy by telling the complete story. Ella could prove to be a valuable comfort to Steph if she needed someone to talk to in the days ahead. But I wasn't going to betray Stephanie's trust either.

"Ella, thank you for cleaning up the glass. Please do not mention what you've seen here to anyone yet. I'll explain more after I speak with Stephanie and get her permission to tell you."

Ella's discretion went without saying. She was very good at keeping private matters private. That's why I hired her in the first place. I knew that Ella truly loved and cared for Babe and was only concerned. She nodded in understanding, and left the room.

I spoke quietly yet loud enough for Stephanie to hear as I brushed a gentle kiss into her hair. "Babe, wake up for me. I need you to open your beautiful eyes for me since you have a concussion. Would you like something to drink?"

Steph batted her eyes for a second, and nodded. The pain medicine that Bobby gave her had made her very groggy and she blinked her eyes open and closed a few times to bring her vision into focus. Her voice sounded weak when she spoke.

"Ranger, can I have some water? And I need to go to the bathroom."

I kissed her lightly on the lips as I eased myself from the bed. I didn't want to jar her unnecessarily. I walked over to her side of the bed and helped her sit up gently. She hissed as I helped her to sit up, and winced when she tried to stand. I wrapped my arms around her and helped her to stand, and held her waist as I walked her into the bathroom. As we walked into the bathroom, I flipped the light on and tried to not let her see my emotions. Her bruising was even darker now in the light of the bathroom, and I felt fury boiling up inside me again. I turned her towards me and brushed a curl behind her ear.

"Babe, will you be ok in here for a minute? I'm going to go get you some water and I thought you might not want an audience." I managed a small smile. "Would you like me to check with Bobby to see if you can have anything else for pain?"

She nodded slowly. "Yea, that sounds good. I'll call for you when I'm finished. Thanks."

I left the bathroom and went to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water. Bobby was sitting at the breakfast bar. He looked up as I walked by.

"How's she doing?"

"Sore. Stiff. Bruised. God, Bobby…I don't know how to help her. There's not a place on her that isn't bruised, cut or beaten. I don't understand how he could do that. How could we not have seen this coming? I am going to kill him. I should have protected her. I should have been there.."

Bobby interrupted my rambling. "Ranger, none of us knew the SOB would ever hurt her. I mean, I knew he wanted her back, but I thought he loved her. I never thought he would do this to her. I just don't understand. I heard a while back he had been drinking pretty heavily, but this…this is not just a drunken rage. This was vicious."

Our quiet conversation was cut short by Steph calling for me from the bathroom. "Ranger, can you…um…well…can you come here for a minute?"

I ran into the bathroom and found her standing near the room that housed the toilet with her hand on the counter for support. I walked to her and put my arm around her waist and helped her to the edge of the tub to sit. "What's wrong Babe? Are you ok?"

"Could you call Bobby? I think something's wrong. My…well…my…" Her voice trailed off. She seemed embarrassed and unsure.

I knelt down to one knee and looked into her eyes and spoke gently. I held her hand in mine and continued. "What is it Babe. You can talk to me about anything. You know that."

"Well I think that maybe something's wrong with my kidneys or something. When I went to the bathroom, there was…well there was…blood…a lot of it. And I'm starting to hurt worse than before. I promised Bobby that I would tell him if I got worse, and well…."

"It's gonna be ok Babe. Just relax. I'm going to help you back to the bed for a minute. Bobby is in the kitchen and we'll get you ready to go. I'm going to take you to one of the hospitals outside of Trenton, ok? Just to get you checked out. "

She nodded her head, and I knew by her willingness to go that the pain and blood must have frightened her.

I helped her to stand, and she stumbled slightly. She swayed and stopped abruptly. "Babe, are you ok?"

"I feel light headed…and dizzy."

"Bobby, get in here now!" I picked her up and carried her bridal style into the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed. Bobby ran into the room and was beside the bed in seconds.

"Steph said her urine has blood in it, and she's hurting worse. She's dizzy and light headed. I think we need to take her to the ER."

Bobby bent down beside the bed. "Steph, when you went to the bathroom, how much blood was there?"

"I'm not sure Bobby. I had to pee, and well, when I looked into the toilet there was a lot of blood. I'm sorry…it's just…embarrassing…"

"Babe, don't worry about it. This isn't your fault and there's no need to be embarrassed. Bobby is a medic and has seen far worse than this.

Bobby nodded and smiled. "Steph, this is going to be a strange question, but did you flush the toilet yet?"

"No, I didn't get a chance before Ranger came in."

Bobby walked into the bathroom and muttered a "Christ!" under his breath. He walked back into the bedroom and knelt back down beside the bed. "Steph, we need to get you dressed. You've lost a huge of blood, and that's probably why you are light headed. Your kidneys are probably injured due to the trauma. You really need a cat scan. Ranger, let's get her dressed. Quickly. "

Steph was wearing one of my t-shirts, so I ran to the closet to get her a pair of sweat pants. I slid some socks and shoes onto her feet, and picked her up and carried her through the apartment. Bobby opened the door and we went to the elevator. We stepped inside and Bobby hit the button for the garage. Tears were streaming down Steph's face, and I looked into her eyes.

"Don't worry Babe. You're gonna be fine. We're just going to get you checked out. Are you still hurting?"

She nodded yes, and her voice quivered. "Yeah. It hurts in my side and my back."

Bobby opened the door to one of the Rangeman SUV's and I placed her into the backseat gently, and climbed in beside her, holding her head in my lap. Bobby climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine.

As we drove, I gently ran my fingers through Steph's hair. It was damp from the tears streaming down her face, and I looked into her eyes. "Babe, don't worry. You're safe with me and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again. We're just gonna get you checked out."

"But…Ranger…what about someone seeing us? I don't want everyone talking about me…all over the Burg."

"We're going to Newark. Don't worry. And I'll take care of it. Just trust me, ok?"

I pulled my phone out and called Tank.

"Tank, Bobby and I are on the way to the hospital in Newark with Steph. She's worse. I need you to call Doctor Savalas and tell him we are on our way to Newark. I want him to have a private room ready at the hospital. We are not going in through the emergency department. Please explain our need for total and complete confidentiality. Call me back when he lets you know what room number we will be using and we'll take Steph straight up when we arrive. Tell him I'll use the delivery entrance and elevator."

I flipped my phone closed and knew that Tank would handle everything.

"See, Babe, it's all taken care of. Now don't worry. Just rest and concentrate on getting better. We'll be there shortly."

She seemed to settle down once she heard my plan, and I held her to me tightly. She dozed off after a few minutes, and when my phone buzzed, it startled her awake. I ssshhed her and kissed her forehead, placing a kiss into her hair as I answered the phone.

"Talk."

"Boss, Dr. Savalas was on call and is already there. He is in room 5107 on the fifth floor. He said he will be waiting on you at the loading entrance. I went ahead and gave him a brief run down on what happened. He has the CAT scan on hold for Bomber. They will be ready for her when you take her in. I am faxing all of her medical information over now so that there won't be a delay with paperwork. I'll come by once I get all of that taken care of."

"Thanks Tank."

I hung up the phone as we were pulling into the loading area located at the back entrance of the hospital. We had used this hospital on a few occasions when a takedown had gone bad, and the need for discretion was important. Dr. Eddie Savalas was an old friend, and I knew I could count on him.

As I stepped out of the SUV, I picked Steph up and carried her towards the freight elevator and the waiting doctor.

"Ranger, good to see you. Follow me."

We all stepped into the elevator and the doctor hit the button for the first floor. We exited, and went down several long hallways until we were led to an elevator marked "Staff Use Only." The doctor swiped his badge and pressed the call button, and the elevator opened up. We stepped inside again, and Dr. Savalas hit the button for the fifth floor.

"Tank has already sent her insurance and health information over. I have taken care of everything and have a chart ready. We are taking her up to the fifth floor since that is where the CAT scan machine is. There's a room up there for patient use, and it's remote and private. We don't use it much since most patients go back to their regular rooms after a scan. I've called in a private nurse for Ms. Plum as well. I understand that you want complete discretion, so I have listed her chart and information under another name. No one will be able to find out she's here, and if anyone searches for her, her name won't come up."

"Thanks Eddie, I appreciate it."

We entered the CAT scan room, and I placed Stephanie on the narrow bed in front of the machine. Bobby was speaking to the doctor out in the hall, and Stephanie looked at me.

"Ranger I am so sorry that all of this happened. I know you are going to a lot of trouble to assure no one finds out. I don't want you to think that I don't understand and appreciate the favors you are calling in for me."

"Babe, you have to know that I would do anything for you. Anything at all. And there is no price for what we do for each other. Now don't mention another word about it. Eddie is a good friend of mine and we served in the army together. Rangeman has used him several times before when one of the guys has gotten the bad end of a takedown. He's used to helping me out. Trust me. And don't worry about anything. I just want you to concentrate on feeling better."

Bobby walked in and handed me a gown for Steph and he shut the door as he walked out. I helped her out of the t-shirt and sweats I had dressed her in earlier, and helped her into the gown. Once I had her settled onto the narrow bed again, Bobby and Dr. Savalas came in with a technician.

"Stephanie, this is one of the scan technicians. She is going to be doing your scan, and we'll talk once it is finished, ok? Bobby tells me that you have been through quite the ordeal last night. Just lie there and relax and we'll be finished shortly. Do you have any questions for me before we begin?"

Steph looked from me to the doctor nervously. "Um…does Ranger have to leave? Can he stay with me?"

"We can outfit him in a protective lead apron so that he can stay if you would like."

Stephanie looked at me and seemed scared. "Babe, I promise you. I'm not leaving. I'll be with you the entire time."

The technician brought a heavy apron to me, and placed it over my shoulders. It hung to my thighs and after I was outfitted, I went back to stand beside Steph. I wouldn't be able to hold her hand during the scan, but I spoke to her quietly as the machine made its noises and the scans were taken. Every once in a while the technician would ask her to hold her breath or breathe in or out.

Once the scans were finished, we moved Steph into the private room at the end of the hall. As I settled her into the bed, she seemed very lethargic and drowsy. What little skin was not covered in bruises was pale and ashen. She tried to sit up and only got out the word "sick" before throwing up all over the blanket on the bed. I rushed to get a bedside basin and held her hair back as she vomited.

I pressed the call light on the bed, and Bobby came in quickly. "What's going on?"

"She got sick and threw up. Get me a washcloth."

Bobby got me a cloth and I wiped her face. She was clammy to the touch and her eyes were unfocused. She was mumbling something and her head lolled back. I patted her cheek gently. "Babe, look at me. Are you ok? I need you to look at me and concentrate. Talk to me."

She mumbled something incoherent, and Bobby went to get Dr. Savalas. Both Bobby and Dr. Savalas came back into the room with some black and white scans in their hand. The technician entered behind them, and began pulling up the bedrails and unlocking the breaks on the bed.

"Ranger, her scans show severe bleeding on her kidneys. She has some other internal injuries as well, but the kidneys are very vascular. She's going to bleed out if we don't get her into surgery. Bobby is going to assist me since we have minimal staffing in the OR on weekends. I've already paged the necessary staff. We've got to hurry."

I quickly looked at Bobby. "Ranger, it's ok man. I'll go with her and take care of her. I promise we'll bring her back to you."

I kissed her gently on her lips. She mumbled something incoherent again. "Babe, they are going to take you to surgery. Be strong for me. Don't you dare leave me. I'll be right here waiting on you to get back. I love you Stephanie Plum. Do you hear me, I love you."

Step didn't respond and they wheeled her bed down the hall towards the elevator. I sank to my knees there in the hall as tears rolled down my face. I didn't even hear Tank walk up beside me until his large hand clamped down on my shoulder.

"Bomber's gonna be fine man. You've got to have faith and trust. Believe in your heart that she's gonna be ok. Come on, let's get you a chair in her room."

I stood and followed my friend into the room where Stephanie had just been. It seemed so cold and dark and lonely without her in it. I sat in the chair in the corner and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 4am in the morning. Tank sat down beside me as we began the longest wait of my life.


	7. Chapter 7

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine._

_**WARNING!**__ This story is rated M. It has violence and angst in it. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. __This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you. _

_**Previously:**_

_Step didn't respond and they wheeled her bed down the hall towards the elevator. I sank to my knees there in the hall as tears rolled down my face. I didn't even hear Tank walk up beside me until his large hand clamped down on my shoulder._

_"Bomber's gonna be fine man. You've got to have faith and trust. Believe in your heart that she's gonna be ok. Come on, let's get you a chair in her room."_

_I stood and followed my friend into the room where Stephanie had just been. It seemed so cold and dark and lonely without her in it. I sat in the chair in the corner and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 4am in the morning. Tank sat down beside me as we began the longest wait of my life._

I have paced around the room for the past 4 hours. The waiting is killing me. It's tearing out the life in my very soul. I feel like all of the breath is being sucked form my body and I am totally at a loss as to how to make things better. Usually I'm the king of waiting. Normally, I can sit for hours on end on a stakeout and never move a muscle. I can lie in the jungles of the worlds' most vile places, in extreme heat and humidity, waiting for the perfect sniper shot without so much as a twitch. I've waited for years, to end my government contract, to have Rangeman up and running with plenty of staff and backups in place, so that I can have the life I want with Stephanie. I waited for her to be comfortable with the idea of living with me. Sure I asked her many times. But we moved on her timetable, not mine. That's not something that I normally do, but I was willing to wait for things to be perfect. But this waiting is different. My life hangs in the balance. If something were to happen to her, Dios! I can't even imagine my life without her. I am the type of man that is used to making things happen. If there is a problem, I solve it. If there is a mission, I accomplish it. If there is a need, I provide it. And yet, here I stand in a small hospital room, and I am totally and completely helpless. I have no way to make things better. I can't fix this. I can't make it go away. And I can't make her better. I've never felt so empty in my life.

"Come on man, sit down. You're freaking me out."

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair while sitting down, only to stand right back up and walk to the doorway. "What do you think is taking so long, Tank? Why haven't they told us something?"

"Because they are taking care of her. She's gonna be fine, but they've got to give all their attention to her. She's going to pull through this, Ranger. She's strong and brave and has more gumption than anyone else I know- including you. She's the only that that could ever give you a run for your money. Plus she's got more to live for now than ever before. You know that. She's waited a long time for you to pull your head out of your ass, and if I know Bomber like I think I know her, then she's going to fight with every ounce of determination that she has to stick around for you. She's not going to let you get off that easy, man."

Tank's words sink in. And I realize he's right. I've been so worried that she was going to fall apart, but I realize then and there that I need to trust her to fight for us. For our someday.

"I know you're right Tank. It's just that…well…I love her. I can't imagine my life without her. We …well, I…. I wasted so much time. I should have taken her as mine years ago. I should have told her how I felt. "

"Yeah, you should have. But all that matters is now. You can't change things. But you can look forward and make things better. That's what you have to concentrate on now. Help her to find something good in this. Help her to not be a victim. Help her survive. Hell, that's what Lula tells me anyway. She said with Ramirez, she had to keep her thoughts on surviving and being a survivor. She said that being the victim was too exhausting and would only let him win. She said he didn't deserve to win and that he'd taken enough from her already. I admire her for that. And I admire Steph. She'll pull through this just like Lula did."

Tank has a point. There's a reason he's my second in command. He's my friend and partner. And he always knows just what I need to hear…even if I don't want to hear it.

"Tank, do you think you could call Lula for me? I'm thinking maybe Steph needs her here when she gets back from surgery. She's been where Steph is, and I think it would help her. Do you think she'd keep it quiet?"

"Yeah, man. For Bomber she would. She'd do anything for her. I'll go call her now."

As Tank walked down the hall to make his phone call, I noticed Bobby and Dr. Savalas coming down the hall. They both looked exhausted, but Bobby's gaze met my eyes and he smiled slightly.

"How is she? When can I see her? Is she ok?"

Bobby spoke first. "Calm down Ranger. You need to be strong for her and she is already asking for you. She's awake."

Dr. Savalas spoke finally. "Stephanie is a strong woman, Ranger. Her blood levels were critically low. If you didn't get her here when you did, I'm sure that we wouldn't be having this discussion. I'm 99% positive that we'd be in the morgue right now. As I said before, she has some broken ribs, and a slight hairline fracture of her skull. All of that will heal in time. The bleeding from her kidneys was significant, and was the reason for the surgery. We've repaired the bleeders, and I think she's out of the woods. We'll continue to monitor her closely. And I want her here for at least 4 or 5 days. Then you can take her home under Bobby's care. She's in recovery right now, and as Bobby said, she's asking for you. Your name was the first word from her mouth when she woke up. Bobby can take you to see her now, and I assume you'll be staying with her some in her room? I'd like a list of those that are approved to see her. I'll coordinate a private nurse for her if you'd like."

His words were like balm for my soul. Stephanie was going to be okay.  
"Yes! Please! Thank you so much Eddie! Bobby, I want to see her now. I'll also be staying with her the entire time."

Dr. Savalas chuckled lightly. "Bobby told me to expect as much. I have no problem with that, and from what I hear, the only way we'll be able to keep her confined to the hospital any period of time will be if you are here with her. Ranger, I think you've found your match. She's a fighter. In all of my years practicing medicine, I've never seen anyone woman violated in such a way. I hope _**you**_ catch the person that did this. For her sake."

I nod in understanding, acknowledging that I had heard the stressed 'you' in his statement. Eddie lived by the same code of justice that I did. "Trust me Eddie, _**I'll **_take care of it."

Eddie nods his head also, in understanding. The words are unspoken but I know that he understands the rage I feel inside for the person that did this to Stephanie.

"Please let me know if I can do anything else. You have my number, and if you need anything just ask her nurse. I'll check back in with her later this evening."

I shake Dr. Savalas' hand and start to follow Bobby to the elevator. Tank is back from his phone call by now, and Bobby gives him a quick update as we walk to the elevators.

"Lula will be here shortly. She's not scheduled to work at the Bond's office today, so no one will suspect anything with her not showing up for work. "

I nod slightly. Tank continues. "Boss, I know you don't want to think about this right now, but what do you want us to do with Morelli. I can take care of it if you'd like."

"Keep him where he is. No food. Only enough water to keep him alive. When you go back to Haywood, you can have a turn at him. Lester can too. But I want him alive when I get back."

"Understood."

We stepped out of the elevator, and I followed Bobby to a small room that was dimly lit. A nurse was sitting at the foot of Steph's bed, monitoring her vital signs. She looked up at me and smiled. The faint beeping of a heart monitor could be heard, and the steadiness of it soothed me. Steph's eyes were closed and she was hooked up to several IV lines.

The nurse spoke. "I assume you are Carlos? She's been asking for you."

Stephanie's eyes flittered open and she smiled. _Dios_! What she could do to me with just a smile. I've never felt such relief in all of my life. Bobby and Dr. Savalas told me she was awake and would pull through. But there was just something about seeing it for myself with my own eyes. I fell to my knees beside her bed, and took her hand in both of mine as I kissed it. I laid my head gently at her side, careful not to jar her. I didn't even realize it at first, but suddenly I was crying. I had never come so close to losing something so precious in my entire life. My face was hidden from everyone's view, but I heard Bobby and the nurse step out of the room. I didn't care what they saw. Sheer relief flooded my soul. Stephanie ran her other hand through my hair. Her voice was dry and raspy when she finally spoke.

"I love you Carlos. We will pull through this. You and I are no stranger to pain, and what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I know that now."

I looked up into her blue eyes, and knew that we would indeed survive. Stephanie would survive. "I love you Babe. I've never been so scared in my life. I can't lose you. I can't imagine if…"

"You won't lose me Carlos. You're stuck with me."

I stood up and bent over to gently kiss her lips. "Rest now _amante_. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded slightly and closed her eyes, while intertwining her fingers in mine. I pulled up a chair that was nearby and stared at her. Even with all of the bruising, she was beautiful. And she was mine. Whatever was to come in the days ahead wouldn't matter, as long as we had each other.


	8. Chapter 8

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine._

_**WARNING!**__ This story is rated M. It has violence and angst in it. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you. _

_Previously:_

_"I love you Carlos. We will pull through this. You and I are no stranger to pain, and what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I know that now."_

_I looked up into her blue eyes, and knew that we would indeed survive. Stephanie would survive. "I love you Babe. I've never been so scared in my life. I can't lose you. I can't imagine if…"_

_"You won't lose me Carlos. You're stuck with me."_

_I stood up and bent over to gently kiss her lips. "Rest now __amante__. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."_

_She nodded slightly and closed her eyes, while intertwining her fingers in mine. I pulled up a chair that was nearby and stared at her. Even with all of the bruising, she was beautiful. And she was mine. Whatever was to come in the days ahead wouldn't matter, as long as we had each other._

Continuing RPOV:

Stephanie was in recovery for several hours, and by the time we made it back to her room, Tank, Lula, and Bobby were all waiting for us. As we settled her in, Lula pulled up a chair and held on to Stephanie's hand for dear life. Tank had filled her in briefly on what had happened, but I could see in Stephanie's eyes that she appreciated Lula being here for her. They spoke in hushed tones, speaking a language that unfortunately both of them knew all too well. They had shared a friendship for years. Now, they shared so much more. They were bonded as friends and confidants on an entirely different level. A level that understood torture, torment, and brokenness.

"Babe, I'm going to step out into the hall with Bobby and Tank to give you both some privacy. If you need anything at all, I'm just outside this door, okay?"

Stephanie nodded and looked up into my eyes. She placed her hand to my cheek, and I took it, and kissed it lovingly. "I love you Babe."

"I love you too Carlos."

Tank, Bobby, and I stepped out into the hall and found an alcove with a few chairs set up. Bobby was sipping coffee and Tank looked as exhausted as I felt.

Tank was the first to speak. "How's she doing?"

"She slept some in recovery. The doctor says he wants her to stay here for 4 or 5 days, and I plan on being here as well. I need you, Bobby, and Lester to take care of everything at Rangeman. Call Lester and have him bring my Laptop, and have Ella pack some things for Stephanie and me as well."

We sat there and talked about nothing in particular. The brotherhood that I felt with these men was invaluable to me and often times words weren't necessary. By their presence alone, I knew that they were feeling some of the pain that I was. They were hurting for Stephanie and the pain she was going through. Stephanie was part of the glue that held us all together. She accepted us as we were- faults and all. And loved us all regardless of society's imposed restrictions. We were a family because of her. When one of us was hurt, everyone hurt. I could see the pain in Tank and Bobby's eyes.

Much later, Lula stepped out of Stephanie's room. She walked over to the alcove where we all were sitting and I stood to hug her. "Thank you for coming Lula. It means a lot to her. And to me."

"Ranger, you don't have to thank me. That girl in there has done more for me than anybody else I know. Hell, I've been where she is. And white girl in there, well, she checked on me every day at the hospital. She got me a job. She's my best friend. There's no where else I'd rather be than here. She's finally asleep though. Poor thang is exhausted from all that's happened the past several days. I hope you boys planning on paying Morelli a visit sometime soon, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, I'll have to cram my size 10 foot up his ass myself! And I ain't skeered to bust a cap up in him. I'll kill him. You know I will. I'd do it for my girl in there!"

Tank walked over to Lula and pulled her close to him. "I know Baby. We'll handle it. We've got it taken care of."

We all nodded in unison. No further words were needed. We all knew what had to be done.

"Tank, why don't you take Lula home and you and Bobby go and get some rest. Tell Lester he can wait until morning to bring everything by. Lula, please make sure you don't mention where Stephanie is to anyone. Or that you've seen her. It's what she wants."

"Don't worry Batman. I understand. I've got yo' back."

I stepped into Stephanie's room and slid onto the side of her bed. She was asleep, but shifted slightly when I sat on the bed. I pulled her close to me and gathered her into my arms. She whimpered slightly and nuzzled into me as much as she could on the small hospital bed. I laid there beside her, softly stroking her hair and her arms. I still couldn't believe how Morelli could harm her in this way. The guilt I felt for having sent her back to him time and time again knawed at me inside like a vicious animal. Never again would that happen. I had always told myself that she was safer without me. But I couldn't live without her. And just when she finally opens herself up to love me, and to live with me, Morelli harms her in such a vile and violent way. I made up my mind that he had to pay for what he did to her.

The next several mornings fell into a routine. I would wake up holding Stephanie or with her cuddled up to my side. I worked from my laptop while she slept. While she was awake we talked and cuddled. I bought every magazine the gift shop had that she would like, and she read them all. We made plans for the apartment and planned things we'd like to do. Ella sent food and she ate some, but not in her usual manner. The attack had taken a toll on her, even though she was trying to present a brave front. She smiled at me in her usual way, but occasionally if a door slammed, or someone startled her, I caught a glimpse of the fear that the attack caused. Her pain meds had caused her to sleep deeper than usual, and so far, no dreams were present. But I worried that when we got home, and the pain meds were discontinued, her slumber would be plagued by memories of the attack.

On our final night in the hospital, Steph and I were lying on her bed talking. I was gently playing with her hair and we were talking about when she could go back to work. All of a sudden, Stephanie changed the subject.

"Ranger, you know I get to go home tomorrow. Where is Joe?"

I hesitated. She hadn't asked about him so far. And I had neglected to tell her anything about him. In fact, I hadn't brought up the attack at all.

"Why do you ask?"

"I want to know what you did to him. I want to know where he is at. I have been gone several days, and I'm sure he noticed. That is, if he is still out on the streets and doing his normal routine. I need to know where he is so that I don't have to live my life worrying about what he is going to do. I need to feel safe. He took a lot away from me during the attack. My sense of security, my health, my trust. I need to be safe."

"Babe, you are safe. You know I won't let anything happen to you. I promise you. You have my word."

"I know that Ranger. But neither you nor I would have imagined that he would do what he did to me. Never in a million years would I have believed he was capable of this. I mean, sure he hit me a few times in the past, but…"

I interrupted her. "What do you mean? He has hit you in the past? When?" I kept my anger carefully in check. I didn't want to startle her or make her fearful of me in any way. How could I have not known that he was capable of being violent?

"Ranger, please don't be upset. At the time it was nothing…"

"Babe men do not hit women. He should have never put his hands to you in a violent manner. When did he hit you? Please tell me. Tell me everything."

"I'll make a deal with you. First, you tell me where he is. I know you well enough to know that you know where he is. Either you are watching him, have taken care of him, or are holding him somewhere."

"Ok. He is in a holding cell at Haywood. And he is currently alive."

Stephanie paused, giving the matter considerable thought. Finally she spoke. "I figured he was dead."

"Is that what you want, Quierda. I can make it happen. I would have made it happen already. But you are the victim here. You deserve a chance to have a say so in what happens to him. Say the word, and it's done. Or you can choose to leave it up to me. Either way, his punishment will be delivered. Tell me what you would like to see happen to him."

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I want him punished. At first, I wanted to hide what happened because I was so scared that he was going to harm you. I was scared that you would get put in jail and I would never get to see you or hold you. We've just now begun our lives together and I would give anything, do anything, to make sure that nothing affects our future. Even if it meant that he got to go free."

Her words pierced my heart. I couldn't believe that she was willing to go to such lengths to protect me. Never in my life have I been loved like that. Never had I been loved so unconditionally and without reserve. Wanting nothing in return except love.

"Babe, Morelli can't harm me. I promise."

"I understand that now. But at the time…"

"Yes Babe. At the time he worked on your fear. He used your love for me to harm you. To make you doubt. And to instill fear in you. Don't let him win."

"Ranger, I want to see him. I want to talk to him. And then I think I want him to go to trial for what he did to me. Jail is a scary place for a cop. He will live in fear during his time there. I want him to feel that fear. I'm sure it won't compare to what I felt when he was…" she paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "Well, when he was raping me. But I want him to be found out. I want everyone to know that what he did. If you _dispose_ of him, no one knows what he did. And if I keep silent, I'm always the victim. I've lived by the Berg's rules all my life. I want to do this for me. I want to stand up for myself for a change. Do you think we have enough evidence to convict him?"

I took her hands in mine. I've seen grown men collapse under less stressful situations than this. Through all that has happened to her, she still amazes me. I don't understand what I've done to deserve her.

"Babe, whatever you want is what we will do. If you want to prosecute him, then I'll make a phone call and get started on it right away. And yes, I believe that we have more than enough evidence to put him away for a very long time. You may be right. Death may be too easy for him."

"Can you arrange for a lawyer for me? "

"Babe, of course I will. You can use the Rangeman attorney. I'll take care of everything. But I do want to remind you. Morelli will probably play dirty. He will pull out all the stops. This won't be easy for you. It'll probably be the second most difficult thing you've ever had to go through in your life."

"I know Ranger. But I can't let him win. I have to do this. What if I don't and he were to hurt someone else like he did me. What if that person didn't have the support that I have? What if he killed them? I have to do this for me. And to make sure that it doesn't happen again."

I kissed her lightly and pulled her close to me. I'm amazed at her strength.

"I'm proud of you Babe. You know that right? I'm so very proud of you."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, with the moonlight streaming in the hospital window. I held her hand and intertwined my fingers into hers as we enjoyed the companionable silence. Finally, I asked the question that was weighing on my mind.

"Babe, you never answered my question. When did he hit you before? And why didn't you tell me?"

"He's hit me a few times. Two times to be exact, but he hit me a couple of times during each incident. Once was when he found my underwear that had Rangeman on them. He smacked me when they fell out of the laundry basket. And the second time was when he found out I had stayed at your apartment during the Slayer situation. That time was worse. He only smacked me on my face once that time, but the rest I could hide under my shirt."

I took some deep breaths and pulled her to me. I really wanted to hurt him. I wanted to leave and go kill him with my bare hands. But I had to remind myself that Stephanie was the victim here, and she needed to have some control in the situation. She needed to feel in control. I had been through enough debriefing situations to know that control over a situation helped you recover.

But I also needed to know exactly what we were going up against. I needed to know anything else that might come to light during the trial. "Babe, you know you could have told me. I wish you had told me. Did you not trust me enough to tell me?"

"Ranger, it's not that at all. I trust you with my life. But I knew you would probably kill him. And I didn't want his blood on your hands. I didn't want you to get in trouble at my expense."

"Babe, is there anything else that has ever happened with Morelli that I need to know? Has he ever harmed you in any other way?"

"Well, you know about the Tasty Pastry incident. I was a virgin and I was sixteen. He was going off in the Navy, and I was a quick screw. Then he proceeded to write details about me on the bathroom walls all over town."

I continued to hold her tightly. I knew about the incident, and although it boiled my blood, I knew that Stephanie had exacted revenge on him in her own manner. She had hit him with her grandma's Buick and broke his leg over that little incident. I wish I could have seen it myself!

"You probably don't know about the incident when I was six. Not many people do. I've always tried to keep it rather quiet. But that's in the past now."

I sat up slightly. My heart quickened, and I couldn't believe what she was saying. "What do you mean? What happened when you were six Steph? What did he do?"

Stephanie paused, as if remembering something from long ago. She tugged me back to her, and pulled my arm around her, as if needing to feel me near her for strength to continue. "When I was six, he told me he wanted to play a game of choo-choo in his dad's garage. Basically he ended up fingering me in the garage. My mom found out that he played choo-choo, but she thought he just looked up my skirt. I never told her that he touched me. I felt dirty, and ashamed. And I was afraid. But he told me that all little girls liked to play choo-choo and that no one would be my friend if I didn't. He made me promise not to tell anyone. You, Lula, and Mary-Lou are the only ones who know."

I turned and laid back on the bed. I finally stood beside the bed and bent to kiss Stephanie on top of the head. "Babe, I'll be back in a few minutes. I need to step outside for a minute."

"Ranger, please don't go do anything yet. I wouldn't have told you if I thought you were going to get this upset and leave. It happened over 20 years ago! Please, don't leave."

"Babe, I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I just need to step outside."

I kissed her again with another promise to return. I left her room, and walked quickly down the hall and into an empty treatment room. I wanted to break something. I needed to break something. I needed to feel the physical release of the anger that was boiling up inside me right now. What kind of demented child fingers up another child that is younger than him. How hard must it have been for Stephanie to carry that around with her for her entire life! Unfortunately, as I looked around the empty treatment room, there was little to afford me in the regards of physical release. I didn't have a punching bag, or a wall that I could pound the shit out of. So I did the next best thing. I pulled my cell phone from my belt and called Tank.

"Yo."

"Tank, listen. I want you to let all of the core team go down and beat the hell out of Morelli. Keep him alive. But just barely. Pull out all the stops. I want him tortured."

"Ok Boss. Something new develop?"

"You could say that. How are you handling his absence from work?"

"We made him call in and tell them he had a sick relative out of town. He took a leave of absence. He's not expected back for two weeks at the earliest."

"And he agreed to do that?"

"Boss, let's just say he was persuaded. He was also convinced to call his mother and tell her he was out of town on assignment, so no one is looking for him."

"Ok Tank. Thanks."

I hung up the phone and immediately felt a little better about the situation.

When I returned to Stephanie's room, she was crying. "Babe, what's wrong? Are you hurting?"

"Oh, thank God Ranger! I was so scared you had left and were going to kill him tonight!"

I took her into my arms and held her. "Babe, I promised you that I wouldn't leave. And I promise you that we will try to do things your way. But I won't promise you that Morelli won't be hurt some before the authorities are called in. I went to make a phone call."

Stephanie held to me tightly, and I kissed her curls near her temple. "Who did you call?"

I thought for a minute. Should I tell her? I had promised her in the past that I would be as truthful with her as I possibly could. I had never lied to her. And I had only withheld things from her that were absolutely necessary. Those things usually involved my work or government contracts.

"I called Tank."

"Hmmm." She thought for a minute. "Did you tell him what I told you?"

"No, Babe. You know I would never betray your trust like that."

"I know Carlos. I just needed to ask."

She sat silent for a few more minutes.

"Can I assume that Tank, or someone on your payroll, is beating the shit out of Morelli right about now?"

Leave it to her to cut right to the chase. She never was one to beat around the bush when it came right down to it.

I glanced at my watch. I had called Tank about five minutes ago. Finally, I responded. "Yes, I imagine that's probably what is happening about right now."

To my surprise, Stephanie cuddled up to me, her back to my front, spooning as we had so often in the past. She took my arm and pulled it around her waist and smiled. And she surprised me with the three words. "Good. I'm glad!"


	9. Chapter 9

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine._

_**WARNING!**__ This story is rated M. It has violence and angst in it. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you. _

_Previously:_

_"I called Tank."_

_"Hmmm." She thought for a minute. "Did you tell him what I told you?"_

_"No, Babe. You know I would never betray your trust like that."_

_"I know Carlos. I just needed to ask."_

_She sat silent for a few more minutes._

_"Can I assume that Tank, or someone on your payroll, is beating the shit out of Morelli right about now?"_

_Leave it to her to cut right to the chase. She never was one to beat around the bush when it came right down to it._

_I glanced at my watch. I had called Tank about five minutes ago. Finally, I responded. "Yes, I imagine that's probably what is happening about right now."_

_To my surprise, Stephanie cuddled up to me, her back to my front, spooning as we had so often in the past. She took my arm and pulled it around her waist and smiled. And she surprised me with the three words. "Good. I'm glad!"_

Stephanie was discharged the next evening from the hospital. She was supposed to be discharged during the morning, but the doctor wanted to run a final bag of antibiotics through her IV line before we left. Her bruising was beginning to fade and her surgery site was healing. Bobby was given instructions on her care from the doctor as well as the name and numbers for several therapists in our area. Dr. Savalas had spoken to Stephanie at length about pursuing some counseling due to the ordeal she had been through. She was hesitant but said that she would consider it.

I loaded Stephanie up into the Cayenne and we made our way back to Haywood. I held her hand as I drove and she seemed deep in thought.

"Babe, penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled slightly and squeezed my hand. "I was just thinking Ranger. Does everyone at Rangeman know what Joe….well…ummm.. what he did?"

I squeezed her hand back. "Babe, just Tank, Lester, and Bobby. I'm sure the others may know he hurt you in some way, but they don't know the details. We would never disrespect you by betraying your trust. The others have 'assisted' in detaining Morelli, but they don't know what he did."

"You mean they have helped beat him the past several days without knowing what he did?"

"Babe, all of my men love you. If they had even a suspicion that Morelli hurt you, they'd be more than happy to instill some fear in him. If they knew what he really did, he would already be dead."

Stephanie seemed satisfied with that answer and leaned back into her seat. She was silent for a few more minutes. The only sounds were the lull of the road noise beneath us and the soft music playing on the radio. Stephanie took a deep breath.

"Ranger, do you think I need counseling? Do you think I should go?"

"Babe, I think you have been through a very traumatic ordeal. And I think you are the strongest person that I know. But even strong people need help sometimes. I am here for you no matter what. I'm beside you every step of the way. It may surprise you to know that I've spoken with a therapist on a couple of occasions. And to be honest, it did help."

Stephanie seemed genuinely surprised. "_You_ went to a therapist?"

"Babe, I'm not without emotions. And whether you believe it or not, I'm not a super hero. I've seen some ugly stuff in my life. The military can expose you to some very harsh realities. I've spoken with a military therapist on two separate occasions. And both times it helped. It really did. You may only need to go a few times, or you may find that it takes you some time to get back to your old self. But regardless, remember that you are a strong woman. You can survive this. And one day it'll get easier. The memories won't be this painful forever."

Stephanie nodded her head and squeezed my hand again. When we finally reached the garage, I parked and got out to help Stephanie from the car. Bobby, Tank, and Lester met us in the garage, and smiled welcomingly to Stephanie. I could tell that they wanted to hug her and tug on her curls as they always did when she was around. But they were being respectful of her and kept their distance. Close, but not too close. Damn Morelli! I hated him more and more! Stephanie shouldn't have to be uncomfortable around her friends. Her friends shouldn't have to wonder how close they could get to her without making her feel uncomfortable or threatened. He took away part of her zest for life, her spark, and her trust in people. I wondered silently if she would ever get that back.

Lester spoke first. "Beautiful, it's good to have you back. We've missed you."

Stephanie smiled genuinely. A slight spark lit in her eyes. "Thanks Lester. I'm glad to be home."

Tank spoke up next. "Little girl, if you need anything let us know. And if Ranger won't let you have donuts, just buzz me and I'll sneak some in to ya."

"Thanks Tank. I'll remember that."

Bobby helped me with Steph's bag and we all got on the elevator. Tank hit the button for five and when the doors opened, he started to leave the elevator along with Bobby and Lester. Stephanie called out to them and lightly touched Tanks arm. "Hey guys?"

All three men stopped and turned to look at Stephanie. Bobby spoke for the group. "Yea Bombshell?"

Stephanie seemed not quite sure of what she wanted to say. She looked at me, and held my hand, and then glanced down to the floor hesitantly.

"Well, um…I just wanted to say thanks. For everything. I know you took up for me the past several days with Joe. And you helped take care of me when…well, when I was hurt. I just wanted to say thank you. You all mean a lot to me. And to Ranger. You mean a lot to both of us."

Now let me tell you. I've seen all three of the men in front of me survive some very harrowing stuff. Tank survived being shot and wounded, and still marched four days through the desert before getting medical attention. Bobby has seen enough death and dying in his military career to make most people never sleep again. And I've seen Lester go two weeks in a god forsaken jungle with only rainwater and bugs to survive on. These men are tough. Tougher than most. But Stephanie's words, my Babe's words, softened them to jelly. I swear I saw a tear in Tank's eyes. And Lester shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Bobby ran his hand through his hair, and finally spoke.

"Stephanie, thanks isn't necessary. We love you. You're a part of our family. And around here, we take care of our own. No matter what, Steph, you're one of us. You're one of the strongest people we know. And you'll get through this. But if you do need someone, we're here for you. Whatever you need, we're here for you."

Tank and Lester nodded, and met Stephanie's eyes with a smile, and finally walked down the hallway. I fobbed our way up to the apartment, and Stephanie was still silent.

The doors opened and I gathered up her things and put one hand to the small of her back, leading her to the apartment doors. I took her things to the bedroom closet and when I returned I found her sitting on the couch, deep in thought.

"You ok Babe?"

"Mmmm hmmm."

I went to the fridge and got some water, and took a bottle to Stephanie. I sat beside her, and she leaned into my side.

"Ranger, do you think the guys were serious? Do you think they think of me as family?"

"Of course they do Babe. All of my men love you. Half of them think of you as their little sister, and the other half want to marry you!"

This got a smile from her. "Seriously, Carlos! I'm talking about what Bobby said. Do you think he meant it? I mean, I've always loved your men. I think of them as my brothers. But I never knew they felt the same way. Oh, they have always helped take care of me when I was in a bind. But I kinda always thought that they just did it because you paid them. And because you told them to. I never really thought they actually cared about me. I figured they all thought I was just another mess they had to help clean up."

I turned Stephanie so that I could see her face. I held her shoulders gently. "Babe, listen to me. Bobby told you the absolute truth. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. And every one of the men loves and cares about you. I bet you don't know this, but most of the time, I don't actually tell them to take care of you. They just do it. Rarely do I ever have to pull up your trackers, because they always know where you are. I never have to ask for volunteers for Bombshell duty when you're picking up skips. Most of the time, they fight over who gets to do it. In fact, they've been known to spar over the privilege. Yes, I said _privilege_. Sure they joke with you about it. But the truth is that you bring light into all of our lives. Sometimes when we were out late catching a skip, no matter who was driving, the SUV would seem to find it's way to your apartment to check in on you. Somehow knowing that your car was in the lot and your nightlight was on, giving the window a soft glow…well it always seemed to re-center all of us. "

Tears were streaming down Stephanie's face, and I gently brushed them away. "Carlos, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I guess I didn't realize how much all the negative things Joe has said to me over the years have affected me. He always told me that I was a failure and that I was a big accident waiting to happen. After the …well….after the attack I guess I started thinking that maybe he was right. And that maybe I _was_ a big accident and I started thinking that maybe nothing good could ever come from me. Trouble seems to follow me around. But hearing Bobby's words, and hearing that they see me as strong, well it just made me think, ya know? I guess hearing it reinforced in my mind that I'm doing the right thing. That I'm strong enough to go through with pressing charges. Regardless of what everyone else thinks. Does that make sense to you?"

I pulled her to me and kissed her temple. "Yes, Babe. It makes perfect sense. And I'm glad that you're finally hearing and hopefully believing what the rest of us have known for quite some time. I know what a special, strong, and unbelievable person you are. I've never doubted you. Not once. And Bobby is right. We're all here for you. Whatever you need, you'll have. But Babe, will you promise me something?"

"Of course I will Carlos. You know I'd do anything for you."

"Babe, I need you to promise me that you will tell me what you need. Let me know if you need time alone. Tell me if you need something that I'm not doing or seeing. The next several months are going to be hard on you, and I want to be your rock. Please let me. And help me help you. I'm not a super hero, even though you think I am. I'm only a man that is desperately and hopelessly in love with you. And I plan on spending the remainder of my life trying to deserve you."

Stephanie took my hand and pulled it closer to her lips. She kissed my palm. It wasn't a sexual kiss, but more of a kiss of devotion. A kiss of promise. "Carlos, you have always been my rock. I know that pressing charges on Joe is going to be hard. It'll be hard on all of us. But it's something that I have to do. I know that you'd rather go downstairs and kill him. But thank you for supporting me in this. I promise that I will tell you what I need. But please remember that I'm not a porcelain doll. Healing is going to be hard. But I'll get through it if you promise to be with me every step of the way. I can do it, if you'll be there."

"Babe, there's no where else I want to be. I love you. Always and forever."

"I love you too Batman. Come on, let's go to bed."

I pulled her up from the sofa and we walked together into the bedroom. I handed her one of my t-shirts and my silk boxers, and she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

"Babe, I'll be right here if you need help, ok?"

"Thanks Carlos. I think I can manage. I won't be long."

"Do you need me to get Bobby to bring you something for pain? You haven't had anything since early this morning at the hospital. You need to be able to sleep."

"No, I think I'm ok. Maybe just some Advil or Tylenol. The pain pills make me feel funny."

I nodded, and went to the living room to get the bottle of water she had been drinking earlier. I returned to the bedroom, with water and Advil in hand, and undressed. I pulled on another pair of silk boxers, and sat on the edge of the bed. Stephanie finished up in the bathroom, and I handed her the medicine. She took a couple of pills, and I helped her into bed. Her incision from the kidney surgery was healing, but she was still sore. And while her bruising was starting to fade, her face still was swollen in places and her eye was still bloodshot and blue. I kissed her lightly on the lips and went around the bed to slide in beside her. As I did, she gently moved and snuggled up to me, lying her head on my chest. I placed my arm gently around her back, and lightly ran my fingers up her arms. "Comfortable Babe?"

"Umm hmm. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For taking care of me. And for not being scared to touch me and hold me."

I sat silent, not sure what to say. Did she think I no longer wanted her because of what happened? Surely not!

"Babe, what do you mean? Of course I want to hold you."

"I know Carlos. I just meant, thank you for trying to keep things as normal as possible. I know I'm still jumpy because of what happened. But I need you to know that it has nothing to do with you. And before you ask, I know you well enough to know that what Joe did to me doesn't change how you feel about me. It's just that I was afraid when we got home you would treat me with kid gloves. I was scared you wouldn't touch me and wouldn't hold me. For fear that I would go all crazy on you. But it's nice to be held. I need to feel you holding me. I love you."

I pulled her to me gently and kissed her curls. "Babe, you are my life and my future. Nothing will ever change that. I promise. Take all the time you need to feel better, and to heal. And I promise that I'll be here holding you every step of the way. Now sleep Babe. You need the rest."

And with that, Stephanie closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep while I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. I thanked him for bringing her through the past week of trials; and I thanked him for allowing me to be the man who would live every day of his life trying to deserve her.


	10. Chapter 10

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine._

_WARNING__**!**__ This story is rated M. It has violence and angst in it. __**This particular chapter has a dark part to it where Stephanie relives her attack when confronting Morelli.**__ Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you. _

_Previously:_

_I pulled her to me gently and kissed her curls. "Babe, you are my life and my future. Nothing will ever change that. I promise. Take all the time you need to feel better, and to heal. And I promise that I'll be here holding you every step of the way. Now sleep Babe. You need the rest."_

_And with that, Stephanie closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep while I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. I thanked him for bringing her through the past week of trials; and I thanked him for allowing me to be the man who would live every day of his life trying to deserve her._

\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /

I held Stephanie as she slept, and drifted off to sleep myself. I would awaken any time she sighed or moved in the least. She hadn't had any pain medicine, and occasionally the soft light of the nightlight would show her face grimaced in pain. I wanted to wake her up for some pain medicine, but was torn since she needed rest as well. After being asleep for about four hours, my decision to wake her was made for me. I woke to her frantic screams for help, and her tossing fretfully under the covers. I gathered her up in my arms and talked to her in whispered tones, but nothing seemed to wake her from the death grip of her nightmare. Finally, I called her name in a loud, stern voice. "Stephanie!" She finally awoke with a start, and stilled immediately.

"Babe, I didn't mean to frighten you. But I was scared you were going to pull your stitches. You were having a bad dream. It's ok. I'm here and you're safe."

Stephanie nodded and took several deep breaths. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest since I had her pulled to me. It was frantic. I whispered in Spanish to her, and rubbed her back gently. "Do you want to talk about it Babe?"

Silent tears slid down her face but her voice was steady yet soft. "Carlos, it was the same dream as before. Each time I close my eyes he's there. Above me. Hitting me. I cry out and no one hears. And I feel so helpless. I'm always so scared in the dreams. He's hurting me, and the pain seems so real. I can feel him violating me, hurting me. It just seems so real- it's like living the whole ordeal over. When will the pain go away? I just want to be able to move on and not remember. I don't want to remember what it felt like. Why am I dreaming now? I didn't dream like this while I was in the hospital. I don't understand."

"Babe, I think it's probably because of the pain meds you were on. They kept you so sleepy that your subconscious mind didn't have a chance to process everything. It'll get easier, I promise. But I'm here. And I promise you that you don't have to do this alone. I'll be beside you each step of the way."

"Carlos, I appreciate everything you've done. But I feel like such a burden to you."

"Stephanie, listen to me. Do not for one minute think that you are a burden. You and I have waited a very long time for our love to become a reality. And I'll be damned if Morelli is going to steal that away from us. I am not going to let his evilness overshadow what we have. We'll get through this. I promise. I love you Stephanie. Nothing will change that. And I'm here for you. Right here is where I want to be."

Stephanie looked up into my eyes and I could see love and trust in them. She spoke softly, while pulling me closer. "I love you so much Ranger! You know that right? I love you with all that I am. Forever."

I nodded. "Of course I do Steph."

"Ranger, will you do me a favor?"

"Of course, Babe. Anything."

"Will you call tomorrow and make an appointment for me? With one of the therapists?"

I smiled and softly kissed her lips. "Sure thing Babe. I'll do it first thing in the morning. I'm proud of you."

I held her until she drifted off to sleep again, and the rest of the night passed without further nightmares.

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

The next morning, I woke before Stephanie, and called down to Ella for breakfast. While waiting, I showered, and then called to make the appointment for Stephanie as I had promised. One of the therapists was here in Trenton, and could see Stephanie later this afternoon at 2pm. I agreed to the appointment, after stressing the urgency for confidentiality to both the receptionist and the therapist herself. I called down to Tank to have him run a quick search on the therapist to make sure they were legit, and asked him to assign someone to accompany us to the appointment. That way we could be dropped off at the door of the office, and it would lessen the likelihood of anyone seeing us entering or exiting the vehicles after parking in the area. I wanted to make sure that Stephanie had the privacy that she needed at this time.

I went in to wake Stephanie with a gentle touch to her arm. I didn't want to frighten her in her sleep. "Stephanie, Babe. Time to wake up." She murmured and started to stretch, wincing when she remembered her stitches and sore body. The bruising was fading more each day, and Bobby would be able to remove the stitches from her temple in a few more days. But the stitches from her surgery would remain until her follow up appointment. "How do you feel Babe?"

"Sore. But that's getting better each day."

"Good. Ella is going to be bringing breakfast any minute. I wanted to talk to you about something concerning her before she got up here. Babe, she saw you the other night when she came up to clean up the bathroom. I wanted to ask before she got here if you wanted her to know what went on. You don't have to tell her. And I'll respect whatever you decide. But Ella loves you like a daughter, and I thought you might appreciate someone to talk to. But it's up to you."

Stephanie seemed to think that over for a few seconds. "I guess it's ok. But I don't really want anyone else knowing what happened yet. As soon as we press charges, the whole Berg will know what happened."

"Well, Steph, they may know the charges, but I plan on requesting that the courtroom be closed, and I hope that we can get the trial moved to another city due to both of you being people well known by the public in Trenton. Hopefully, we'll get a better selection for the jury if we go out of the area. But speaking of pressing charges, when would you like to do that? I'm just waiting on your word. You don't have to do it today, but we can't exactly hold him here forever."

"How have you been able to hold him here this long without someone wondering where he is?"

"Let's just say he was strongly encouraged to make a few phone calls about an out of town assignment. He's expected back in a few days."

"Well, no time like the present. Let's eat breakfast, and then I'd like to see him before we press charges. Can you arrange for the attorney to meet us today?"

"No problem Babe. But I don't think you should see Morelli right now. It's still too soon, don't you think?"

"No, Carlos. This is something I have to do. I want to face him and let him see what he did to me before all the bruising is gone. I need to begin moving forward with my life. The sooner I confront him and press charges, the sooner I will be able to put all this behind me. Can I use some of the pictures that Kayla took the night I was attacked? "

"Of course. But what are you planning on doing Stephanie?"

"Joe was drunk when he attacked me. I could smell it on him. That doesn't justify what he did, but I doubt he remembers all of it. I remember every bit of it. In graphic detail. Him being able to block out part of it for the rest of his life isn't fair to me. I want him to remember, and I want it to haunt him. He's tried his entire life to say that he's not like his family. He thinks he's not a womanizer or an abuser. He thinks because he has a respectable job that it negates anything else he does. I want Morelli to pay for what he did, but more than that I want him to get help. At first I wanted him to suffer like I have, but what does that solve? Is that really justice? An eye for an eye? Yes, I think he needs to serve time in jail, but I can't help but wonder how much of who Joe is now is a result of what he was raised in and what he experienced as a child. Lots of people have traumatic childhoods, and go on to rise above it. But not everyone is that lucky. So in addition to jail time, I'm hoping that they will require him to go through an alcohol treatment program, as well as an anger management program."

I pulled Stephanie to me and kissed her gently. "Babe, I have never met anyone like you. It's hard to believe. He brutally and violently attacked you, and here you are, wanting to reform him. I personally don't know that there's hope for him, but if this is what you want…"

"It is. I don't want him getting out of it easily, but what kind of person will he be when he's released? Even if that's 10 or 20 years from now? And what if he does it again? The next person might not be so lucky. I really feel we have to punish the crime and treat the disease. Do you think he'll ever work in law enforcement again?"

"I don't know Babe. What do you want? In an ideal situation?"

"Joe's a good cop deep down. It's what keeps him alive. He loves it. But I'm not sure what I want. I guess it's not really up to me is it?"

"The judge will probably take your thoughts into consideration when it's time for sentencing."

"Carlos, you sound like we've already won the case. You know, there's a chance that he will be found not guilty."

"Not hardly."

"Why so sure?"

"Because we were very careful when documenting your injuries, Stephanie. You were examined by a licensed medical professional within 90 minutes of the attack. The DNA that we retrieved was fresh, and was a perfect match to Morelli. I've already gotten the reports back."

"DNA? How did you match it? He didn't leave any…well, he… he wore a condom."

"Babe, Kayla swabbed the bite marks on you. That's all we needed. He can try to say they were from previous encounters with you, but the documentation of the timeline proves when he was there. He won't have an alibi. Also, you saw him. Your word proves it was him."

"Yea, but he can say I'm lying."

"But we know you aren't. And we'll prove it. We also have pictures of the handprints all over you and they match his hand size. Trust me, we've got a solid case. And Steph, I didn't tell you this before, but when Tank had him picked up, he was in a bar and still had the condom and the wrapper in his jeans pocket. The DNA of course matches his, but the blood on it, well, it's a perfect match to you."

Stephanie was quiet for a few moments. She looked as if she was somehow thinking back to the attack, and then as quickly as it came over her, she shook her head slightly and it passed. "Idiot. Who walks around with a used condom in their pocket? He was too drunk to even remember to throw it away."

"Stephanie, being drunk doesn't justify what he did."

"I know Carlos. I really do. It's just, well, I was just thinking that it must have been hard for whoever picked him up. To find that on him. Especially since I realize now how much they love me. Like I love them. The guys I mean. I realize it now after what the guys said yesterday."

I hugged Stephanie to me. "Babe, like I told you yesterday. They do love you. And it was Lester that found Morelli. And after he found that piece of evidence on him, word is that Morelli had quite a few accidents on the way back to Haywood. Since Lester is part of the core team, he knew what had happened, but he didn't know that Morelli had been so…well, so violent with you."

"I understand Carlos. I never knew he could be that violent. That…brutal." Stephanie shivered as she spoke. "I guess I'm lucky to be alive, all things considered. And when I talked to Lula, I realized that, unlike her, I can still have children one day. I mean, if I decide to. Well, if we decide. I mean….I….well…."

"Babe, it's ok. I understand what you mean. I know we haven't discussed it, but ideally, one day, I'd love to have children with you. When you're ready. And yes, I'm thankful that you will heal from this with no permanent problems. You're right, it could have been worse. But it should have never happened. If I had lost you, I don't think I could have went on. Stephanie, do you know how important you are to me? To my life? You are the reason I live each day. You make me want to be a better man. If something were to ever happen….well, I don't think I could go on."

Stephanie held tighter to me as a single tear escaped down her cheek. I kissed it away and then kissed her lips lightly. "I love you Stephanie Plum. Always and forever."

"I love you too Carlos. Forever."

\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /

After breakfast we dressed and I took Stephanie down to one of the interrogation cells that was currently holding Morelli. Tank and Lester accompanied us, and Bobby was already inside, cleaning Morelli up a bit. I had called him while Stephanie was in the shower, so that she wouldn't be quite as surprised by his current condition. There wasn't much time for Bobby to improve his looks, but it was better than nothing. I didn't want Stephanie to see how bad he looked, especially since I didn't think this was a good idea to begin with.

Stephanie had asked me to have Lester bring the file with her pictures from the attack in it. She held the file in her hands, and when we were almost to the holding room, she stopped and opened the file. She let her fingers trace over each of the pictures, closing her eyes after each one.

I stepped up beside her and pulled her to me. Tank and Lester had remained a few steps behind, to give her some semblance of privacy. "Babe, you don't have to do this."

"You're wrong Carlos. I do. I have to do this for me."

I nodded once and stepped away to open the door. My eyes met Brown's and the unsaid words were clear. None of us thought she should be doing this, but we were all here to support her in any way we could. I had asked Brown to uncuff Morelli earlier, and he was sitting in a corner on the floor with clean clothes on. His hair was rumpled, one eye was still slightly swollen, and there were healing cuts, bruises, and abrasions on his face. Overall, it looked like my men had followed my lead and contained his injuries to areas that were covered by his clothing. Smart men. They didn't know Stephanie would eventually want to see him when they were inflicting their pain on him, but they were smart enough to know that eventually we'd have to release him, and I'd told them as soon as I knew that Stephanie wanted to press charges. I'd be willing to bet he was pissing blood and hurting in places as big as bed sheets.

Morelli looked up as I opened the doors. He ran his fingers through his hair, and took a deep breath. "What do you want Manoso? You can't hold me here forever…let me the hell out of …" His voice broke when Stephanie stepped into the room. His eyes fell across the bruises on her face and his head hung down as he covered his face with his hands.

"Jesus, Manoso, get her outta here."

Stephanie answered. "No, Joe. Stand up and sit at the table. Now."

Morelli looked her in the eyes for a moment, as if he wasn't going to comply. Before I could urge him, he silently stood, and sat in the metal chair in the room.

"Cupcake, I…"

Stephanie interrupted again. "No Joe. You don't get to speak. Not right now. Right now you listen. You've had your turn to talk. And I've heard all I want to hear. It's my turn now. And you'll listen. It's the least you can do, after all you've done."

Stephanie pulled the pictures out of the file, took a deep breath, and arranged them across the metal table in front of Joe. Systematically she arranged them in a line, including even the most private pictures of her genital area and the trauma shown there. Stephanie had not told me the details of what happened. Nor had I pressed her for details. I knew that she was raped, both vaginally and anally, from piecing together what she had said and from the nurse and doctor. And I knew she had been beaten. I didn't press for details because I didn't know if she wanted to talk about it, but also because I didn't know if I could handle it.

The pictures were very graphic, and were enough to even make Lester, Tank, and Bobby look away. They looked at me, meeting my eyes, in silent question. I could tell they were asking if they should stay.

Stephanie still hadn't spoken. She just continued to arrange the pictures. Joe's eyes were still glued to the floor, and he had made no effort to move or speak.

Finally, when she was finished, Stephanie turned to Joe. She spoke slowly, but loud enough for us all to hear. There was no fear in her voice. Only determination.

"Look at me Joe. Look at my face."

Joe didn't move at first, and Stephanie reached out and jerked his chip up with her hand. "I said look at me. Now!"

Joe pulled his eyes up from his steadfast gaze at the floor. He searched Stephanie's eyes. For what, I'm not sure, but after realizing whatever he was looking for wasn't there, he seemed to physically droop. What was he looking for? Fear? Hurt? Anguish? Hope?

"Do you like what you see Joe? Do you like the bruises you left all over my face? They're not quite as colorful as they were, Joe, but not to worry. We have pictures for you. So you'll get the full effect." Her voice was dry and unyielding. Sarcastic even. Stephanie walked behind Morelli's chair and pointed to the pictures. "Look at the pictures, Joe. How about those? Do you like them? Does what you see portrayed in them make you feel like a real man? You've always tried to keep me away from Ranger, and when you raped me you said it was your face that I would see every time I closed my eyes. You said you were going to burn an image of you into my brain, and that I would see you in my dreams and every time I closed my eyes. Remember that Joe? Do the pictures make you feel like a winner now? Did you win the prize? Are they burning images in _your_ mind that you've let yourself forget over the past week?"

She slowly walked back around the desk and picked up a picture of the bite marks on her breast. "How about this one Joe? Do you feel like you are a real man now that you left your teeth marks on me? Or how about these?" She picked up the pictures of her thighs and throat covered in hand prints. "Your hand prints all over me sure prove how tough you are, right? Isn't that what you wanted? To prove something to me? And to prove something to Ranger? Did you get your point across? Or maybe you think you sent your message home when you split my head open with my own cookie jar. Or maybe when you handcuffed me to my own bed and raped and beat me for hours, telling me all the while what a loser I was, and that I'd never be happy with Ranger. I think this picture of your shoe print on my side and back is an especially telling one, don't you? Turns out, you ruptured the blood vessels in my kidney. I was in surgery for hours, and the hospital for days from it. That's what you wanted, right? Forget sending cards and flowers! Nothing shows a girl some love like making her piss blood! You said I just needed to be reminded of what you and I had, and how happy we were. Was that what you thought your size 11 kicking me in the kidneys would do? Remind me and make me happy? You said Ranger would never want me again after you got finished with me. Is that why you were so brutal? So violent? Is that why it felt like you were ripping me apart from the inside out as I begged and screamed for you to stop? Oh but that's when you taped my mouth shut wasn't it? With my own packaging tape. So that I could only whimper as you raped me. Maybe you don't believe me? Maybe you need to see what you did with your dick! See this picture, Joe? Does it make you feel like my lover to know that you tore me to pieces and I had to be stitched up inside and out? "

Stephanie spat the words out with increasing furor and anger. She was trembling with rage, but I could see that she was still determined. My heart was breaking, but I dared not look away. From the corner of my eye, I could see that a few silent tears were escaping Bobby and Lester's eyes, and Tank had long ago turned around with his back to us. I stood silent, willing what little emotional strength I had left to Stephanie for the vengeance she was serving. I couldn't break down now. Not in front of Stephanie. She needed me to be strong. I tried to distance myself mentally from what she was saying, but all I could do was see snapshots in my mind of what he did to her. Bile rose in my throat as I worked furiously to push it back down. I wouldn't throw up. Not here. Not now. Later. Yes, later I would. Later I would have to.

Joe was trembling. His face white and ashen. He stared at the pictures on the table, wordlessly, as tears flowed rivers down his face. Stephanie took a deep breath and stood tall in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Joe, I want to hate you. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life, I want to hate you and not care what happens to you, and turn and walk out of this room. I want to let Ranger and my friends beat the shit out of you and kill you. They'd do it. Hell, they want to do it. Because they love me. They care about me and don't want me to hurt anymore than I've already been hurt.  
I want to hurt you like you hurt me, and I want your heart to ache the way mine does."

Joe sat motionless, with tears still coming. Stephanie closed her eyes, and rubbed her arms, as if warding off a chill. After a few moments of silence, she finally spoke again.

"That's what I want to do. But I can't Joe. I can't turn my back and walk away and let the anger and hatred eat me up for the rest of my life. I won't let you win that easily. I don't know why you did what you did. But know this! You'll never hurt me again. I promise you that. If you do, I'll kill you myself! No one will stop me. Not Ranger, not Tank, not Lester, and not Bobby.  
No one- do you understand me? I am going to press charges against you today for rape and assault. This is how it's going to work if you want to live and hope to get out of jail one day. You are going to quietly turn yourself in after I file charges. And you are going to plead guilty. I am willing to work with the judge and the attorneys if you do, so that you have a half a chance at a future that doesn't include a lifetime view from behind prison bars. You don't deserve a second chance. You don't deserve compassion. Because regardless of what anyone else thinks, I know that you were at one time a good person. You walk around angry with the world and when you drink, it changes you, Joe. I've tried to tell you before. I'm going to ask that you serve at least a year of jail time. I think that's very generous on my part, all things considered. Also, when you get out, you will enter and complete an alcohol treatment facility. You will also go through an anger management course. And you'll also volunteer your time at a women's shelter for domestic abuse as part of your community service when you get out for at least another year. And you'll never contact me in person again. That's the terms. Either you agree to it, or I leave you here with Ranger and the guys, and I walk out the door, and they can do whatever the hell they want to you. If you agree to the terms, I will ask that your superiors help you get established somewhere else in another police department. I'm sure you'll have to work your way back up, but if it's important to you, you'll do it. Regardless, I think you're a good cop. What's it gonna be Joe?"

I have always known that Stephanie was a strong woman. But the strength she just showed as she confronted Morelli amazed me. I was speechless. I knew right then and there that she would survive this, and that we would be okay.

Joe wiped his face and took a deep breath. "Stephanie, I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't change what I did. I didn't even remember half of what I did. But I can see from the pictures that I hurt you. You could have died, and it would have been from my hands. I love you, and I never thought I was capable of hurting you. I was drunk, and had been drinking for several days. I had tried to get you to come back to me for months, and I hit a low point. When I came by your apartment that day, and saw you moving out, I guess I just flipped out. I could never talk you into giving up your apartment for me, and you were willingly doing it for Ranger. I remember holding you and you pushing me off. And I remember …well, I remember taking you on the floor. I had blocked out the rest of it until you showed me the pictures."

Joe stopped, and closed his eyes, as if he was remembering something. "You screamed for Ranger over and over. I can hear it still, in my head. I didn't want to hear his name on your lips, so I taped your mouth shut. You begged me to stop. Oh Stephanie I am so sorry! I can't believe I did that. What have I become? What's wrong with me? How could I have hurt you so much when I love you? What kind of monster have I become?"

Morelli's sobs echoed throughout the room as he held his face in his hands. He sounded broken and desolate. But I wouldn't spare sympathy for him. He didn't deserve it. Stephanie was a far better person than I. Stephanie's terms were far more lenient than he would have gotten by going to trial. He deserved more jail time. And he would have gotten it to. But this was Stephanie's battle, and I planned on calling in any and every favor that was owed to me to make sure that Joseph Morelli's punishment went exactly as Stephanie had outlined.

Stephanie had silent tears escaping from her eyes. She made no effort to wipe them from her face. She spoke quietly, her voice almost a whisper.

"Joe, this may not be who you really are. But it's who you are when you drink. Promise me you'll get help. I want you to be happy one day. But I needed you to live with the reminder of what you did to me. Let this be the catalyst that changes you and makes you want to be a better man. Be better than this, Joe. I won't let you hurt me anymore. This was the only way for you to see what you did to me. Promise me you'll agree to what I've asked. If you are truly sorry and want to help me heal from what you've done, promise me that you'll agree to the terms I've asked of you. Do this for me Joe. Please."

Morelli nodded silently and met Stephanie's eyes with his own. "Please forgive me Stephanie. I will never hurt you again. I don't deserve your kindness nor your forgiveness. But I hope and pray that one day you will forgive me."

Stephanie didn't answer with a reply. Instead, she stared at Morelli for a few moments, and then turned to me and held out her arms to me. I went to her immediately and pulled her to me. She was still trembling. She seemed to melt into me. I held her for a few minutes, and when she pulled away from me, she asked quietly, "Ranger, can you have someone take care of giving Joe a ride to the police station? Without further incident?"

I nodded, and turned to Tank. "Tank, please give Morelli a ride to the station. Stephanie's attorney will meet you there." Tank nodded and went to open the door to the room.

I turned to Morelli. "I've taken the liberty of contacting an attorney for you. He's waiting at the station as well."

Joe nodded and stood. "Thanks. I know you didn't have to do that. But thanks." He hesitated but quietly spoke again. "Ranger, please take care of her. Do what I couldn't for her. Take care of her heart. Make her happy."

"Her happiness is no concern of yours, Morelli. But rest assured that I plan on making sure that she lives the remainder of her life being as happy as I possibly can make her. She'll never be hurt again."

Joe nodded once, and walked out to follow Tank to the waiting SUV. Brown and Lester followed out, leaving us standing in the room. I held Stephanie to me and ran my fingers over her curls. Her tears had quieted down, and she held on to me as if I were a lifeline.

"Babe, you never fail to impress me with your strength and courage. But also with your compassion. I love you. And I wish I were more like you."

"Ranger, don't be silly. But thank you. For being here for me."

"Babe, I'm serious. I know you don't see it. But the rest of us do. I hope that one day you realize how strong and courageous you are. Are you tired? How about lunch and a nap?"

Stephanie nodded. "I'm not really hungry. But I am exhausted. Can we go upstairs. I'd like to lie down for a while and rest. I guess that took more out of me than I realized. "

"Sure thing Babe. Come on. Let's get out of here."

"When do I have to meet with the attorney?"

"I've already spoken with him, and provided him with copies of everything that he will need. He doesn't have copies of the pictures, and those will only be shown if necessary, and will never be property of the court records. If they have to be shown, I myself will personally deliver them to the judge and attorneys, and then return them here to you. You have my word."

Stephanie took a deep breath and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I was worried about that."

"I've got it Babe. I promise you. You are important to me and you have my word that I will live the rest of my life being deserving of you."

I pulled her to me and kissed her gently. We finally made our way upstairs, and I tucked her into bed. "Do you think you can fall asleep without me? Or would you like me to lay down with you?"

"I know you have a company to run, Carlos. I'll be fine. I have my phone if I need you, and I'm just going to nap for a while."

"Ok Babe. I'm going to work in the office here in the apartment, but I'll just be right outside the door if you need anything. I love you."

"I love you too Batman. And thanks, again. I couldn't have confronted Joe without you there with me. I felt your love and your strength.

I kissed her temple again and left the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar so that I could hear her if she had another bad dream. I went into the office and turned the computer on, and tried to will myself to work. I couldn't get Stephanie and Morelli's words out of my mind. I now knew in vivid detail what had happened to Stephanie at the mercy of Morelli's hands. And Joe admitted that she had screamed for me. And I wasn't there. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let her down ever again and that would be the last time I failed her. I'd be there for her from now on, no matter what. I have wasted enough time. Forever was going to start right now.


	11. Chapter 11

Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine.

WARNING! This story is rated M. It has violence and angst in it. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you.

_Previously:_

_I kissed her temple again and left the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar so that I could hear her if she had another bad dream. I went into the office and turned the computer on, and tried to will myself to work. I couldn't get Stephanie and Morelli's words out of my mind. I now knew in vivid detail what had happened to Stephanie at the mercy of Morelli's hands. And Joe admitted that she had screamed for me. And I wasn't there. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let her down ever again and that would be the last time I failed her. I'd be there for her from now on, no matter what. I have wasted enough time. Forever was going to start right now._

/ \ / \ / \ / \ /\ / \ /\ /\

I let Stephanie sleep for about an hour and a half, and then it was time for us to get ready for her therapy appointment. I gently woke her up, and she went about getting dressed to visit the counselor. Tank called up earlier with a report on the therapist, and it seems like everything checked out. And I purposefully chose a female therapist from the list. After everything Stephanie has been through, I didn't want her feeling uncomfortable any more than she had to.

Tank, Lester and Bobby were going to accompany us to the appointment. Since Joe had been taken to the police station, I didn't want to risk any reporters being able to get to Stephanie as we entered or exited the building. Since Joe gave Steph his word that he would plead guilty, there probably wouldn't be a trial, only a sentencing hearing. That could possibly be expedited quickly but I feared that the rumor mills would somehow catch wind of what happened. I planned on keeping prying eyes away from Stephanie as much as possible, but here in the Burg there was only so much one could do.

I led Stephanie to the elevator, and pulled her to me as we waited on the elevator car. She turned to me and pulled me close. "Ranger, I still don't understand why we have to have an entourage. It's just a doctor appointment. Joe is in jail. There is no danger to me now."

"Babe, our attorney pressed charges this morning like you asked. But news travels fast here, as you are all too well aware. I am doing my best to keep things quiet, but I don't want to take the chance that someone saw Joe being escorted into the jail, or the chance that someone that works in the police department took it upon themselves to call a reporter. This way, no one can get to you or to us. And I can concentrate on being with you and being there for you. Let us help you Steph. You don't have to do this all alone. Besides, they wanted to come. There's not much they can do. But they wanted to be with you today. To show you support."

Steph sat and thought about that for a minute. I was well prepared to continue to try to convince her, but she surprised me by simply saying, "Ok".

"OK?"

"Yeah. Ok. I get it."

"You get what Babe?"

"I get it that you are all trying to keep me safe. And that means not just physically, but safe from prying eyes and hurtful words. I get that. But I also get that Tank, Lester, and Bobby are all kinda like my brothers. And they saw me, their sister I guess you could say, hurt. And they feel like they don't have any control. And this is one way for them to have some control in the situation. I get it now. And I appreciate it."

I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips. "Babe, you never disappoint. Maybe we are all the ones that need to be in therapy, and maybe you could be our counselor. You seem to have a better handle on things than we do."

"I just call 'em like I see 'em Batman!"

We met up with Tank, Lester and Bobby in the garage, and we all got in one of the Rangeman SUV's. I normally like to be in control, and drive regardless of where we're going, but today I was content to sit in the back and hold Steph. I knew she was nervous about going to the appointment and I took the time during our ride to hold her and try to settle her nerves.

We arrived at the office, probably much too quickly for Stephanie's liking. Luckily, there didn't seem to be any media reps or reporters there, so we exited the SUV and entered the office. I signed Stephanie in, and she was called back to the therapist's office immediately. I kissed her temple and gave her a gentle hug. "You can do this Babe."

"Carlos, I'm nervous. Do you think maybe you could come with me? Just this once? I know you've already done so much, but I'd feel better if you were with me."

"Babe, I'm willing to do whatever you need me to do."

"Do you think the therapist will mind?"

"Babe, if they have a problem with it, we'll find another therapist. This is your appointment and you need to be comfortable. I will come with you anytime you want me here. Or if you decide that there are times when you want to go back alone, then that is fine too."

I took her hand, and together we walked towards the receptionist, who had been standing in the door way with a file. Stephanie spoke up shyly. "I'd like Carlos to accompany me for today if that's ok."

"Certainly Miss Plum. Whatever you'd like."

I was glad to see that the office personnel were willing to try to make Stephanie comfortable. We continued down the hall, as Stephanie murmured something about being led to the guillotine.

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Lester's POV

Bobby, Tank, and I found a corner in the office and settled in for the wait. We accompanied Steph and Ranger just in case word had already spread through the Burg about Morelli going to jail. I'm sure he was still being processed, but around here, you just never know. As we sat there and thumbed through old magazines, I couldn't help but replay the day's events through my mind. It was un-freaking-believable. I always knew that Steph was a strong woman, but I would have never believed she would confront Morelli like she did today. Even more unbelievable was that she was letting him off way too easy. The sorry SOB deserved to rot in jail. I don't see how Ranger is holding it together. I guess he's doing the best he can for Stephanie. I was finding it hard to even sit still. I was thankful for the hits I had gotten in on Morelli during his time in the holding cell, but had I known then what I know now…well, let's just say he wouldn't be in jail right now. He'd be in the morgue. I took a sideways glance towards Brown and he seemed to be simmering just like I was.

"Can you believe what the sorry shit did to her?"

"Lester, Tank and I were there the evening it happened, so I saw firsthand. I knew it was bad, but hearing it today was different. When I was treating her that night, I tried to see her as a patient. But now, after hearing her relive the whole ordeal, it's all I can think about. It's all I see when I close my eyes. She's like my little sister, man. How could someone do that to someone they supposedly love?"

"It just ain't right. I'm worried about Ranger. He's really holding it all together. But I know it had to be hard on him to hear that."

"I plan on talking to him about it. I think he partially blames himself for not being there. But how could any of us have known what Morelli would do?"

"Alcohol makes people do crazy shit!"

"Yeah, but Morelli wasn't just drunk Lester. He was brutal. You weren't there in the hospital when we did surgery. I saw firsthand what he did to her. If Ranger had saw…what he did…and how she was…well, if he had been in the operating room Morelli would be a dead man. We came really close to losing her. She hemorrhaged pretty badly in the OR. I wasn't sure we were going to get it stopped in time. She's really lucky that she can still have kids if she chooses. That's how bad it was. God! I just can't imagine her having to go through all that and then she had the balls to confront him. She's the strongest person I know!"

Tank spoke up then. "Bombshell is strong. But it's her love for Ranger that will get her through this. I was there that day in her apartment, Lester. Bobby's right. It was bad. And she was so scared. She couldn't even stop from flinching when Bobby was trying to treat her. I gotta respect her wishes for what she wants to happen to Joe, but if wishes were horses….well, in my opinion he should be dead."

I sat there and processed what Tank and Bobby were saying. I knew it was bad, but I'd never seen Bobby this rattled over a surgery. I knew he had helped out in the OR when Steph went to the hospital, but for it to still affect him over a week later, it must have been bad. And Tank rarely spoke his feelings. I could look in the big man's eyes and see how haunted they were remembering back to that fateful night.

"Bobby, do you think she'll be ok? She seems so strong right now. And I guess I'm just waiting on the other shoe to fall, ya know? I keep expecting her to break down or fall apart. I don't know how she managing. Do you think they'll both be ok?"

"The therapy will help. And Steph did have a little break down in Ranger's apartment the first night. I think they're doing the best they can right now. That's all we can ask of them. We just have to be there for them if they need to talk. Other than that, it's going to be something that only time will help and heal. For both of them. Stephanie has to work through the brutal attack, and feeling safe again. And being able to trust people again. Especially those people that are close to her. While in her mind she knows that we love her and would never harm her, I'm sure her subconscious is telling her that Morelli loved her too, and look what he did. It may be a while before she's back to her old self. Plus, Ranger has some guilt going on I'm sure. He has always tried to protect her. He just never thought he'd need to protect her from Morelli."

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Stephanie's POV:

Carlos accompanied me into the therapists' office. It was a roomy setting with pale blue walls and neutral furnishings. The room was designed to relax its' occupants, I'm sure, but right now I was feeling pretty nervous.

The therapist, Rebecca Bryant, introduced herself to me and I introduced Carlos. After some small talk, she asked what brought me to see her today. I was able to recount the attack to her, giving her most of the details that I was comfortable sharing, while holding a tight grip on Carlos' hand. He never spoke while I described the ordeal, but simply sat there gently stroking the back of my hand. He was my rock and my support. I'm not sure I could do this without him.

I explained that I was having nightmares about the ordeal, even though Joe was in custody and was going to be in jail. The therapist began to explain that my subconscious mind doesn't always think logically, and that the nightmares will decrease over time. She gave me some helpful suggestions to try to cope with them in the mean time, along with some things that Carlos could do to help as well. Carlos sat there soaking in all of the information. I could tell he wanted to ask questions, but was hesitant in not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Finally, I asked a few questions, thinking that it might give Carlos the green light to talk to Rebecca. I knew that if we had any hope of making it, he was going to have to be involved in this with me. He knew too much, and saw too much. He needed this as much as I did.

"Ms. Bryant…"

"Please call me Rebecca."

"Ok. Rebecca. How long do you think it will take for the dreams to go away. I feel like in the past week I have dealt with the attack in the best way I knew how. Why am I still having these dreams?"

"Well, Stephanie, your subconscious doesn't have a timeline. It is different for each person. While your body may be healing, and you may feel like justice has or is being served to Joe in the court system, your mind may feel very differently. You were attacked in your home where you should have been safe. By someone that you thought cared about you and would never harm you. That's enough to shake someone down to the core. We will work on acknowledging those fears, and we'll work on getting past them. And making you feel safe. It'll take time and it won't happen overnight. "

"I just want to forget about it all."

"Stephanie, while I know that sounds like a good idea, right now forgetting or burying those emotions isn't healthy. It's good that you are here and you are acknowledging that you need to deal with the emotions and get past them. There is a difference in working through those emotions, and denying them. It's unhealthy to live in denial land."

I laughed slightly. "Rebecca, you seem to realize I like to spend quite a bit of time in denial land. Usually it's my one way destination."

Rebecca smiled. "We'll work on that. And in time, I really believe the nightmares will go away. It's important for you to feel safe. But from talking to you, it sounds to me like you also need choices in your life. Let me guess that you aren't one that likes to be told what to do?"

Ranger chuckled, and I looked at him through slanted eyes.

"How'd you guess?"

"Let's just say I can read people pretty easily. Tell me what makes you feel safe right now? What scares you?"

"Right now? As in here?"

"Here. At home. During the past week as you were dealing with the events that happened. What made you feel safe? What still frightens you? For some people it's an actual thing. For others, it's a thought or a memory. Safety can be a happy place in their mind. Tell me what makes you feel safe and secure. And what scares you or makes you feel unsafe."

"I was scared of Joe. While I dated him. Ranger didn't know."

"But he knows now?"

"Yes." 

"Did Joe hurt you before?"

"Yes. A few times. And when I was little he molested me in his dad's garage. Only two other people knew that until the other night. I told Carlos. He's hit me a few times before. And he took my virginity when I was 16 on the floor of the Tasty Pastry and left me there."

"It sounds like Joe has always been a scary part of your life. Why did you keep letting him come back around you?"

"Because my mom always told me he was my last chance. I wanted to please her."

"Do you feel he was your last chance?"

"No."

"Good. We'll talk more about that later. Are you still scared of Joe?"

"No. Not anymore. I confronted him today. And he's in jail now."

"I see. How did confronting him make you feel?"

"Sad. Because I saw a glimpse of the Joe that I thought was my friend. But I showed him the pictures of me from the attack. And I reminded myself of what he is when he's drinking. And then I felt powerful because I chose to confront him and not let him hurt me anymore."

"Good Stephanie. It sounds like you wanted a hand in the decision making process. What else scares you?"

"Something happening to Ranger. To Carlos."

"You speak of him as if he's two different people. Is he, to you? Two separate people?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. I met Ranger years ago. That's his work personality. It's the side that catches bad guys and fights for the moral good. It's the side that has seen the horrors of war and life and keeps doing what he does anyway because it's the right thing to do. It's the side that has made personal sacrifices for our city and our nation. And the side that rescues me at the end of the day when I need rescuing. But the side that I see when we're alone…well, to me, that's Carlos. He's open and honest and passionate. But they are both very much him. And I love them both. Both sides of him. All of him."

"Carlos, did you know how much she loves you?"

"She's told me. But I've never heard it put that way."

"Do you feel you deserve her love?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because she's a better person than me. I've done a lot in life that I'm not proud of."

"Sounds to me like she thinks you're a pretty damn fine person, right Stephanie?"

"Yes. The best. Carlos, I love you. With all that I am. I respect what you have done for our country. And what you do now with Rangeman. I'm honored to love you. That you let me love you."

"Stephanie is there anything else that you are scared of?"

"The nightmares. I'm scared of sleeping because the nightmares come."

"Does anything seem to help?"

"When Carlos holds me I don't seem to dream as much. About the bad stuff."

"Ok. Good. Talk to me a little about what makes you feel safe and secure."

"Well, our apartment makes me feel safe."

"Where you were attacked?"

"No. God no. I don't want to ever go back there again. Carlos' apartment where we live."

Ranger spoke up. "Our apartment. Not mine. Ours. Our home."

Rebecca was writing on her legal pad. "Ok. Good. What else?"

"Carlos. He makes me feel safe."

"How so?"

"When he's around, or when he's nearby, I feel like nothing can hurt me. He always makes things better. He always has. He's been the one constant in my life for several years. Even before we were together as a couple, I knew I could depend on him."

"Sounds like you built your relationship on friendship first. That's very important. Even more so now. What else makes you feel safe, Stephanie?"

"My friends. At Rangeman. Lester, and Tank, and Bobby. Even Hector, Cal, Hal, Binkie. All of them."

"These friends have been there for you in the past?"

"Yes. More times than I can count."

"Anything else make you feel safe?"

"Ghostbusters. And Rex. And Carlos' bed. Our bed. And the blue blanket that is on his sofa. Our sofa. That he covers me up with when he thinks I've fallen asleep watching TV, but I'm just resting my eyes and waiting on him to come home and kiss me. "

I heard Ranger chuckle slightly as he continued to stroke my hand.

"So you like Ghostbusters? And who is Rex?"

"When I watch the Ghostbusters movie it makes me feel like a kid again. And the world feels right. And Rex is my hamster. My friends took him to our apartment after the attack. He lives on the kitchen counter."

So it sounds to me like you have a lot of things that you can physically go to in your day to find comfort. When you're having a bad day, or if the memories come back to haunt your mind. I suggest that you remember these things we've identified and use them during the next week to help you find comfort and go to a happy place when the memories come back. Remind yourself that the bad memories are just that. They are just memories. And it's ok to remember them. Give yourself permission to grieve for the loss of what you thought Joe was to you. And then remind yourself that you are strong and that you have lots of people that we have identified today that are your friends. And your friends bring you safety and comfort. Concentrate on those things."

"I'll try. It's hard though."

"I know it is. Carlos, I also suggest that you and Stephanie talk about your feelings in all of this. I realize that you are here today to support her. But I can also see how close this is to you. You were the one who found Stephanie that evening, right?"

"Yes."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I don't know what you mean? Towards Stephanie? I was scared."

"I mean how did you feel in general. Seeing her there?"

"Scared. Mad. Angry. Terrified."

"Why were you mad? Angry? At Stephanie?"

"God no! I could never…."

"But Stephanie, you think he was mad at you, don't you?"

I swung my head towards Rebecca. All of my attention had been focused on Ranger while he was talking. I never thought Ranger lost control of his emotions. He rarely even talked about them. But to hear him sit here and talk about how he was feeling was shocking. So it was a double shock to my system when Rebecca said I thought he was mad at me. I hadn't said anything about that to her. Nor to anyone! But deep down, it was a fear that I had.

"What do you mean?"

"You secretly think that Ranger is mad at you, or angry with you. Right?"

"Well…."

"Babe, how could you even think that? You did nothing wrong. I'm not mad at you or angry with you. Never!"

"But if I had fought harder. Or if I had agreed to let some of the guys come over to help me this would have never happened. You tried to get me to let them come over and help pack. And I was stubborn. I feel like you and your men have always had to help clean up my messes when I get in over my head. I was just packing up my apartment. That night was supposed to be special for us. I was moving in and we were going to be together. And my stubbornness ruined it."

"No Babe. It wasn't ruined. We're together. That's all that matters. Joe did this. Not you. Nothing is ruined."

I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry. But my thoughts were interrupted by Rebecca.

"But Carlos, you feel responsible don't you? You're sitting there telling Stephanie that it wasn't her fault. And it wasn't her fault. But deep down, you feel like it was your fault, don't you? And you think you could have prevented it from happening. So you feel guilty, right?"

Carlos glanced at me before answering. "I should have been there. I logically know that none of us knew what Morelli was capable of. But I can't stop thinking about how I allowed her to go back to him in the past. I encouraged it. I thought she was safe with him."

"But she's not with him now. She's chosen to be with you. And bad things happen to good people every day. The world is rarely a fair and logical place. But you two seem to be trying to pick up the pieces right?"

We both nodded.

"Carlos, it's obvious that Stephanie feels very safe with you. Do you feel you deserve that trust?"

Carlos hesitated. "Not always."

"Why?"

"Because I've not always been there for her. She's gotten hurt several times on my watch. This time was the worst."

"But she doesn't see it that way. Do you Stephanie?"

"No. Not at all. I feel like he's always been there for me. He's never failed me."

I took Carlos' hand again, and squeezed it tightly. He looked up at me and I could see love and adoration in his eyes.

"Carlos, what makes you feel safe? What frightens you?

I laughed. "Nothing frightens Ranger."

"Stephanie, I think that maybe you think Carlos doesn't show emotion because he's not frightened. But in actuality, there are things that frighten you, right? He told us he was scared when he found you in your apartment, Stephanie. What else Carlos?"

"I'm scared of something happening to Stephanie. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm afraid of failing her."

I sat there dumbfounded looking at Carlos.

"Do you think Stephanie expects you to be perfect?"

"No. I expect myself to be perfect for her. There's no room for error where she is concerned. Her getting hurt isn't acceptable."

"But she did. And it was no ones fault except the man that did this to her. Can you see that?"

"Yes. I suppose, but…"

"And you do realize that she, just like you, happens to work in a dangerous field. You can lessen the chances of her getting hurt with adequate training, but you can't eliminate that possibility completely. Even if she was sitting behind a desk everyday, correct?"

Ranger nodded.

"Carlos tell me what makes you feel safe."

"Stephanie."

"What about her?"

"Being with her. Holding her. Her love."

"What else?"

Carlos sat there looking at the carpet, thinking.

"Is there anything else that makes you feel safe, besides Stephanie?"

"I don't think so. I've never felt safe before finding her. I've lead a very dangerous life. But things are different now."

"How so?"

"I don't work for the government anymore."

"So you never felt safe when you worked for them? For the government?"

"No."

"You were in the military?"

"Yes."

"Did you feel safe?"

"Physically yes. Emotionally no."

"Why?"

"I don't trust others very easily."

"But you trust Stephanie?"

"Yes."

"Anyone else?"

"My friends. Our friends. The ones that Stephanie spoke of."

"So they make you feel safe?"

"Physically, yes."

"What about emotionally?"

"Just Stephanie."

"So you only trust Stephanie emotionally. With your heart, or am I misinterpreting?"

"No."

"Which is it?"

"No you're not misinterpreting. I only trust Stephanie emotionally. To open up to. To be myself with. To let her in. I love her."

I was in tears at this point. I know Carlos had told me he loved me before. But I'd never know just how much our love seemed to have meant to him.

"Stephanie, did you know how much Carlos loves you? And that he trusts only you?"

"No."

"Babe, I've told you I love you. You know that!"

"But this is different. To trust me is very different."

"Babe, I only trust you. With my life. That's why it's so important to me that you are safe. Without you, I'd be lost. Even when we weren't together, you were in my thoughts. You were what brought me home from those God awful missions for the past three years."

Rebecca was still writing on her legal pad. "It seems to me that you both are quite the pair. Carlos, it's important for you to realize that you couldn't have stopped what happened to Stephanie. She trusts you as much as you trust her. Realize that and stop blaming yourself. When you start to doubt it, remember the trust you place in her, and remind yourself that she obviously has that same level of trust for you. She's not disappointed in you, nor does she blame you. She needs you to help her heal from this, and if you're blaming yourself you are taking energy away from what you need to be doing for her. Understand?"

"Yes I think so. "

"And Stephanie, during the next week I want you to try to remember all the things we have identified that make you happy. And stay away from the thoughts that don't cause happiness. Does your family bring you happiness?"

"Yes. No. Sometimes maybe…"

"Which is it?"

"My dad yes. My grandma yes. My sister sometimes. And my mom it depends."

"How so?"

"My mom has always pushed me to be with Joe."

"Do you think things will be different now? If she knows what Joe did?"

"Maybe."

"Do you want her to know what happened?"

"I don't want to be the one that tells her. I don't want her pity. I just want her to admit she was wrong."

"Would you prefer Carlos tell her?"

"I don't want him to have to…"

"Babe, I can take care of it. If it's what you want, I'd be happy to."

I sat silent. Then nodded. "Ok."

"Well, I think we've made some good progress today. Stephanie, I'd like to see you twice a week for at least the next two months. Then we'll reevaluate. Would you like Carlos to attend next time?"

"Is it ok if he does?"

"I think if he makes you comfortable, then by all means…"

"Carlos, will you…"

"Babe, I told you I am here for the duration. You aren't getting rid of me that easily. And whether I'm in the waiting room or in here with you, either way I am going to be here."

"Ok then. Yes. I want him here with me."

"Very well then. I'll see you Friday. Cindy will make the appointment for you as you leave."

We got up to leave, and as we stepped out of Rebecca's office Carlos pulled me to him and held me. "I'm so very proud of you Babe."

I relished in him holding me. It felt safe. It felt like home. "I'm pretty proud of you too Carlos."

He pulled me back and looked into my eyes, questioningly. "Why's that?"

"You bared some pretty real emotions in there. I didn't know we were going to get a two for one deal here."

Carlos chuckled. "Babe, I'm sorry you feel like I don't express my emotions to you. But I am used to keeping things pretty close to my vest. But I promise that I will try. You just have to give me some time. But never doubt how much I love you."

"And you trust me."

"With my life."

"You know I trust you too, right Batman?"

"I do now, Babe. And I'm so very thankful that you do. I love you. Te amo Babe."

I reached up to kiss him. Gentle at first, then deeper. Finally, after we pulled apart I could see exactly how much he loved me. And I hope that he could see how much I loved him. "Te amo Carlos."


	12. Chapter 12

Not mine. I don't own the characters. Sadly, I wish I did.

_Previously:_

_We got up to leave, and as we stepped out of Rebecca's office Carlos pulled me to him and held me. "I'm so very proud of you Babe."_

_I relished in him holding me. It felt safe. It felt like home. "I'm pretty proud of you too Carlos."_

_He pulled me back and looked into my eyes, questioningly. "Why's that?"_

_"You bared some pretty real emotions in there. I didn't know we were going to get a two for one deal here."_

_Carlos chuckled. "Babe, I'm sorry you feel like I don't express my emotions to you. But I am used to keeping things pretty close to my vest. But I promise that I will try. You just have to give me some time. But never doubt how much I love you."_

_"And you trust me."_

_"With my life."_

_"You know I trust you too, right Batman?"_

_"I do now, Babe. And I'm so very thankful that you do. I love you. Te amo Babe."_

_I reached up to kiss him. Gentle at first, then deeper. Finally, after we pulled apart I could see exactly how much he loved me. And I hope that he could see how much I loved him. "Te amo Carlos."_

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Stephanie's POV:

The trip back to Haywood was uneventful, and the guys made small talk about a recent skip they had brought in. They hugged me gently before getting off of the elevator on 5, and Carlos and I made our way up to seven.

"Babe, Ella will be up with dinner around 6. I have a few things I need to work on in the office, okay?"

"Carlos, I'm fine. The company can't stop running just because of what happened. You know you can go down to your office. I'll be fine and I'll call you if I need anything. I'm just going to watch a movie until Ella gets here with dinner."

"Stephanie, I don't like leaving you here alone so soon."

"I'm not alone. You're only two floors away. I have a land line and a cell phone. No one can get in here without you knowing it. I need to get back to normal. It'll help me. Really."

Carlos seemed very unsure. He thought reflectively for a minute, and then pulled me to him in a hug. "Babe, I can work from the office here."

"I know you can Carlos. But I'm asking you to go downstairs. You need to check in with all of the guys. You've been away for over a week with me at the hospital. It's just for a couple of hours. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself for a few hours. Please."

Carlos kissed me gently, and hugged me one last time. "Are you sure Babe?"

"Positive."

"And you promise to call me if you need anything at all?"

"I promise. Cross my heart. Pinkie swear."

He laughed at my comment and turned to leave. Before he did, he turned around and glanced at my waist. "Where's your phone? It's not on your belt."

"It's in my purse. I'll get it. Now go. Shoo. Off with you."

When he had finally left, I went to my purse and found my cell phone, clipping it on my belt as I had promised. I went into the bathroom and as I passed by the mirror, I realized it was slightly different than the one that normally hung in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that the bruising was finally fading more and more, and I was beginning to look more like myself. I unbuckled my pants to use the restroom, and as I was finishing up, the silver toilet paper holder caught my attention. I remembered throwing it into the mirror the night of the attack. That's why the mirror looked different to me. It was new. I pulled my pants up, and buckled them, flushing the toilet. I gently ran my fingers over the silver holder. It looked no worse for the wear, considering what it had been through a few nights ago. I thought back to how Carlos let me throw all of his dinnerware. I can't believe he did that! I can't believe I let him! I was just so mad and wanted to break something…anything…anything at all.

My memory seemed to try to remember that there was one left. A plate maybe? I turned the light off in the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen. I opened the cabinets, and found that the dishes had been replaced. God bless Ella! She must have purchased a new set for us. I picked up a plate and noticed the pattern was different than the last dishes Carlos had. The ones I had broken were very masculine in design. They were simple white plates with black trim around the edges. The new plates were fine china, and had an almost invisible swirl in the white part of the plate. The edges were trimmed in a silver, almost platinum band, and the design around the lip of the plate consisted of light gray and darker gray swirl of designs. It almost looked like lace. They were probably the prettiest dishes I had ever seen, and were very elegant without being overly feminine. They had to have cost a fortune. I was secretly glad that I had not broken these during my little breakdown.

As I was putting the plate back into the cabinet, I noticed that under the stack of plates was the one plate left from the ones I had broken. Ella had saved it. I carefully took the new plates out of the cabinet, removed the old plate, and placed the new ones back in the cabinet.

It was such a simple thing. One lone plate at the bottom of the pile. It didn't have the elegance of the others, and didn't match at all. Oh it was pretty enough, and functional. But not like the others. Yet, for some reason, Ella had saved it, kept it, and left it in the cabinet. I secretly wondered why, and decided I'd ask her about it eventually.

I left the plate on the kitchen countertop and padded over to the sofa. I still wasn't back to normal, and found myself very tired. I decided to lie down on the sofa and watch a little television. I flipped through the channels and settled on a TV Land _I Love Lucy_ marathon. I pulled the soft blue throw from the back of the couch, and covered up in it, and settled in to watch television.

I tried to keep my eyes open, but they were so heavy. I figured a short nap wouldn't hurt so I closed my eyes and let sleep claim me.

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Ella's POV:

I had just finished up dinner for Carlos and Stephanie. He had telephoned earlier and asked for something special for her for dessert since her appetite isn't quite back yet. I decided to make a big salad, and lasagna. It's not Carlos' favorite, but Stephanie loves it. And I compromise and make it with healthy veggies and healthy noodles. Plus there's chocolate layer cake for dessert.

I glanced at the clock in my kitchen and realize I have about 10 minutes to get the cart of food up to Ranger and Stephanie. I love them both as if they are my own children. When Ranger told me what that filthy no good Morelli did to Stephanie I wanted to give him my own special form of revenge. Hurt a poor girl like Stephanie? I'd show him! I'd give him the grit treatment! That's what he deserved! I'd boil some steaming hot grits and throw them on him and his privates! I bet he'd never take advantage of another person again after that!

I pushed my thoughts aside and sent Ranger a text that dinner was ready. I made my way to the elevator, and pressed the button for Ranger and Stephanie's apartment. As the elevator opened, and I used my key to open the door, I could hear someone talking, almost mumbling. "Stephanie, dear, it's Ella. I've brought dinner."

I didn't hear a reply, so I pushed the cart in the door and into the kitchen. I figured she was maybe in the bedroom or the office so I called out again. "I hope you're hungry. I made your favorite lasagna!"

I heard a sharp cry! That sounded like Stephanie, so I ran into the living room to look for her. I found her on the couch, tangled in the blue throw from the sofa. She was thrashing about and seemed to be asleep. Poor thing must be having a nightmare! She was pale, and sweating, as if she were fighting her own demon in her sleep.

I went to her quickly, as she screamed again and cried out. "Ranger please help me! Carlos, please!"

I quickly pulled the throw from her legs, so that she wasn't so restricted. I figured her dreams must be making her think she was being restrained by that sicko that did this to her. I gently patted her arms, and spoke softly. "Stephanie, honey wake up. It's Ella. It's just a dream, come on, wake up."

Stephanie didn't respond. She just continued to cry and scream as she tried to push me off of her. I tried to hold her hand, and she jerked it away. I tried a little louder, "Stephanie, come on and wake it. You're ok."

I wasn't sure how to wake her up because I didn't want to do more harm than good. Thankfully, as I was wiping her tears and trying to speak to her, Carlos came into the apartment. I heard him open the door as he said "Something smells really good Ella…" and then he stopped. Stephanie cried out again and in an instant he was kneeling beside the couch with me, with Stephanie's hand in his.

"Ella, what happened?" Stephanie continued to thrash about, although not as violently, and her cries had died down to soft whimpers.

"Ranger, I tried to wake her. I brought the food in and heard her screaming and calling for you over and over. I didn't want to startle the poor thing, but I couldn't get her to wake up. I didn't know what to do. She was tangled in the blanket, and it must have scared her."

Ranger nodded in understanding as he pulled the blanket from her. "It's ok Ella. You did just fine. I'll take it from here."

I stood and stepped from the couch as Ranger picked her up gently and placed her in his lap as he sat on the sofa. He pulled the blue throw up around her arms and brushed her face gently. He spoke softly, yet loud enough to be slightly stern. "Babe, wake up for me. Come on, open your eyes. You're having a bad dream. Wake up _mi amour._ Sssshhh, it's Carlos." He wiped her tears from her eyes, and held her to him.

Stephanie finally opened her eyes and blinked several times. She looked around, and tried to sit up. "Wait just a minute Babe. Just sit here until you settle down. You had a bad dream."

"Wha…what happened Carlos?"

"Steph, you were having a nightmare. Are you ok? Ella found you when she brought up dinner."

Stephanie blinked several more times and seemed to be deep in thought. "It was like the others. Joe was attacking me, and I couldn't move. Something was holding me down. It was like I couldn't breathe. I called for you, but I couldn't see you. I couldn't find you."

I spoke up. "Stephanie, when I found you, you were tangled in the blanket. I think it may have startled you."

She nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry Ella. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"No dear! Nonsense! You didn't frighten me. I'm just glad you are ok. Can I get you anything before I go?"

"No thank you Ella. Really, I'm sorry about the nightmare. I must have drifted off to sleep watching television."

Ranger spoke up. "Babe, you have nothing to be sorry for. The nightmares will go away, but until then, they are a valid part of the recovery process. It's your body's way of remembering what happened. They'll go away in time. And until then just remember that we are all here for you. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier. I came up as soon as Ella sent me a text telling me dinner was ready. She just got here before me. But rest assured, that anytime you need me I am here for you."

Stephanie hugged herself to Ranger, and pulled the blanket closer to her. "Thank you Carlos. I'm ok, really." He kissed her gently on her temple, patted her hip twice, and helped her to stand from the sofa.

I made my way towards the kitchen and began to pull dishes from the cabinets to sit the table. "How is the soreness Stephanie? Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, Ella, thanks. It's getting better every day."

"Would you rather eat here at the island or in the dining room?"

"Carlos, which do you prefer?"

Ranger was making his way into the kitchen as well. "It's up to you Babe. Either is fine."

"Let's just eat here in the kitchen."

I set out two plates and silverware, as Ranger got two bottles of water from the fridge. As I was arranging the food on the countertop, Stephanie spoke up. "Ella, I wanted to ask you something. Did you replace the dishes for us?"

I chuckled lightly. "Yes dear. Carlos picked the pattern, but I went to get them."

Stephanie seemed surprised. She looked at Carlos as he sat down at the island. "_You_ picked the pattern?"

"Yea, Babe. You don't like it?"

"I love it. It's just that I didn't figure you would pick something like that. It's so different from your others."

"It reminded me of you. Of something you would like. I wanted something a little more elegant and less manly. Especially since this is our home now."

Stephanie seemed to take a minute to think about that, and smiled. She made her way over to Carlos and kissed him as she hugged him to her. "Thank you. For everything."

Carlos smiled. "_De nada_ Babe."

I served the food onto the plates, and Stephanie sat down to eat. "Ella, I did have one other question. I found the one remaining plate from the other pattern. The one I didn't break. Why did you keep it? Was that set special or something?"

"Why, dear, I kept it because Carlos asked me to. Enjoy your dinner now and let me know if you need anything at all."

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Ranger's POV:

Ella made her way out of the kitchen and I heard the door shut. I took a bite of the lasagna and looked up in time to see Stephanie looking intently at me. "Why did you ask her to keep it after I broke them all? Which, I think I probably need to apologize for. I shouldn't have done that."

I took a sip of water and took Stephanie's hand in mine. "Stephanie, please listen to me. There is no need to apologize for anything at all. There's no price for what we do or give to each other. I've told you that before. I gave you the plates to break that night because if anyone deserved to have a melt down, it was you. You deserved to break whatever you wanted to. I get it. I understand why you needed something to break, something to destroy. You wanted to destroy something and release that anger that was making you feel like you were destroyed. You felt like Morelli had taken everything from you. You needed that physical release. I kept the remaining plate as a reminder. To you. That although the bad stuff happens, you weren't destroyed. He didn't take everything. We won't let him. You're stronger than that. When it's all said and done, and when all the pieces are cleaned up and swept away, you will remain. The part of you that is loving, and compassionate and good will remain. This won't destroy you. So I kept it. It's yours. You can do whatever you like with it."

Stephanie sat there dumbfounded. I don't think I had ever saw her speechless. Maybe I should write this down. I caressed her hand as I held it and tears pooled in her eyes. "Babe, are you ok?"

She nodded. "I think that may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you for believing in me. And for saving the plate. You're right. It is a reminder. I want to keep it, if it's ok."

I kissed her hand. "Anything you want, Babe. Now eat. Ella made your favorites."

We dug into our food, and Stephanie seemed to finally enjoy her meal. Each day it seemed that a little bit of her spirit was coming back to her. I was willing to do whatever it took, even if it meant eating chocolate layer cake!


	13. Chapter 13

Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine.

This story is rated M. We are pretty much past the violence part of the story, but it's still a Babe story and not Cupcake friendly. Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties.

Previously:

_We got up to leave, and as we stepped out of Rebecca's office Carlos pulled me to him and held me. "I'm so very proud of you Babe."_

_I relished in him holding me. It felt safe. It felt like home. "I'm pretty proud of you too Carlos."_

_He pulled me back and looked into my eyes, questioningly. "Why's that?"_

_"You bared some pretty real emotions in there. I didn't know we were going to get a two for one deal here."_

_Carlos chuckled. "Babe, I'm sorry you feel like I don't express my emotions to you. But I am used to keeping things pretty close to my vest. But I promise that I will try. You just have to give me some time. But never doubt how much I love you."_

_"And you trust me."_

_"With my life."_

_"You know I trust you too, right Batman?"_

_"I do now, Babe. And I'm so very thankful that you do. I love you. Te amo Babe."_

_I reached up to kiss him. Gentle at first, then deeper. Finally, after we pulled apart I could see exactly how much he loved me. And I hope that he could see how much I loved him. "Te amo Carlos."_

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

The next day, I awoke with Stephanie in my arms as my cell phone was ringing. I turned slightly and picked it up from the bedside table.

"Yo," I whispered, trying not to wake Steph.

"Boss, just thought you might want to know, Morelli's arrest made the Trenton Times. Steph's name isn't mentioned, but it does say he was arrested and will plead guilty. "

I sighed. I had hoped that the police department would keep things quiet, but it looked like it was going to be a matter of public knowledge soon. While Steph's name wasn't released, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. I guess I was going to be going to the Plums residence sooner than I had anticipated.

I knew why Stephanie didn't want to tell her parents. She was embarrassed for one, although she had no reason to be. But secondly, she didn't want their pity. She wanted them to see Morelli for who he really was, and to admit that her mother was wrong about him.

I thanked Tank for the information and slipped out of bed quietly. As I did, I looked at Steph. She was finally starting to look like herself, since the bruising and swelling was disappearing. She had a follow up appointment with Dr. Savalas in a few days, and he would see how her surgery site was healing. I brushed a gentle kiss on her forehead and went to shower.

After my shower, I called Ella to bring up breakfast, and went to wake Steph. "Good morning Babe. Rise and shine."

"Mmmmm good morning," she purred, as she stretched. I caught her wince slightly, when she realized she had stretched too far.

"Still sore Babe?"

"Yeah. A little."

"Here, let me help you up." I helped her sit up, and then walked with her to the bathroom.

"I think I can manage from here, Carlos. Thanks."

"Babe, Ella will be up shortly with breakfast."

"Thanks."

I left her to do her business in the bathroom, and went into the kitchen.

When Steph joined me in the kitchen, she sat at the kitchen bar on one of the stools and I stood behind her and laced my arms around her. "Babe, I need to tell you something, and I think it's probably going to upset you."

Stephanie eyed me warily. "Go ahead and spill it."

"Tank called and Morelli's arrest is in the paper. I'm surprised it wasn't in yesterdays' paper, but I guess that it took a little while for the information to trickle down. Your name isn't mentioned obviously, but I had hoped that we could keep the whole ordeal out of the paper since he agreed to plead guilty. There was only so much I could do since he was a cop. It's a matter of public knowledge."

Stephanie let out a small sigh. "Carlos, I figured this would happen eventually. I know he will be in jail somewhere else, but he was on the police force so it stands to reason that it will be a media hay-day. I had already prepared myself for this. I guess I need to call my parents and warn them if they haven't seen it already."

"Babe, I'll go see your parents."

"Carlos, I know you said you would, but I can't ask you to do that. I am uncomfortable going over there sometimes because of my mom. I can only imagine if you have to go. I'd never make you do that by yourself."

"Babe, I want to do this for you. I think they'll listen to reason. Your dad is a reasonable man. And if your mom doesn't want to listen to what I have to say, and drop the whole Morelli issue, then you don't have to go there. Remember, it's your choice. Besides, seeing his picture on the front page of the Trenton Times will probably change her viewpoint."

"You do have a point there Batman. But I can go with you. After all, they are my parents. I can't send you into the wolf pack alone."

I laughed. "Babe, don't worry about me. Let me go talk to them, and then we'll go together for dinner there one day next week."

I held her a few minutes longer until breakfast arrived. We ate quietly, and after we had finished, I loaded the dishes into the dishwasher. Steph tried to help, but I still wanted her to take it easy. "Babe, why don't you call some of your friends and have them come over and then you can have a girls day here in the apartment. I'll have Pinos delivered, and Ella has a cousin with a nail salon in town. I bet we could get them to make a house call. You deserve some pampering."

"Carlos, you don't have to go to all that trouble for me."

"Stephanie, I know that. But please let me. Besides, you said yourself that it's going to be all over the Burg. Wouldn't you rather your friends find out on your terms? With you being in charge of what goes around. That way there's no gossip. Only facts. It puts you in the control seat. You only have to discuss what you want to. They will only know what you want them to know."

Stephanie seemed deep in thought and finally spoke. "You're right. Besides, I'm just not up to seeing my mom yet. The bruises are still fading, and I just…I'm not…I'm just not ready."

I pulled her close to me and held her. "I understand Babe. And there's no hurry. Take all the time you need."

Stephanie sat quietly while I rubbed her back gently. The ringing of her phone broke the silence and she rolled her eyes and looked at me. "And so it begins!"

I kissed her temple quickly and went to retrieve her phone from the bedside table. As I walked back into the kitchen, I glanced at the caller ID and noticed the number was her parents' house. "Babe, why don't I have all of your calls forwarded to voicemail for later?"

Stephanie agreed quickly. "Sounds good to me.I'm not going to argue with you about that. I just don't have the energy for all the drama yet."

"Who would you like to come over?"

"How about Mary Lou, Lula, Connie, and Ella?"

"Babe, you want Ella here for your girls day?"

"Yep. She's kinda of become like a second mother to me. I love her. And I want her here. She has helped take such good care of me. I'd like it if she came. Where will you be?"

"I'm going to go by your parents' house, and then I'll be down on 5 for the rest of the day. I'll be back around 5:30, so you'll have all day to have your hen party."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at me. "Hen party, huh? Remember that this is your idea!"

I laughed out loud. "You deserve some pampering, Steph. Please, let me take care of you. Not because I don't think you can take care of yourself. But because I want to take care of you in spite of that fact."

"Thanks Carlos."

"Thanks isn't necessary Babe, but you're welcome."

I made a few phone calls, one of which being to Ella to invite her up to the apartment and to ask her to arrange for the manicures and pedicures for the ladies. Ella suggested massages as well, and I told her to set it all up. I'm not sure how Ella manages to get things done on such a last minute schedule, but with free reign of my credit card she manages to make it happen.

Stephanie finished up half of her breakfast and I gave her a questioning glance while looking at her plate.

"I'm just not really hungry. I guess I haven't gotten my appetite back yet."

"You will, Steph. Give it some time."

"I know. Thanks for being patient with me."

"Stephanie, you don't have to thank me. You're here because I want you to be and I'm here because you want me to be. What we give each other doesn't come with cost or obligation. Trust me."

"You know I do Carlos."

"Good! I'm going to go and leave you to your pampering. Lula should be here any minute with Connie. They closed the Bond's office for the afternoon. I heard Vinnie cussing up a blue streak in the background when I called. It was pretty funny."

"Great. Just great."

"Don't worry about it Steph. I'll take care of Vinnie."

I left the apartment as Lula and Connie were being escorted up by Hal. He was blushing furiously while standing slightly behind Connie. "Thanks Hal, I've got it from here."

"Okay boss."

Hal quickly retreated to the elevator. "Ladies, thanks for coming by on such short notice."

"Batman, alls you gotta do is ask and we're here for our white girl. I been worried about her."

"Thanks Lula. You too Connie. Come on in. Steph is in the kitchen."

Connie pulled me aside as Lula made her way to Steph. "Ranger, is Steph ok? I haven't seen her in over a week. And I saw the paper this morning. I can only assume…"

I interrupted her. "Connie, she will be fine. She wanted to talk to her true friends first and let them know what she wants them to know. That's why you're here. Plus, she needs some pampering and some time to relax. There's some people on the way for manicures, pedicures, and massages. Just spend some time with her. She needs it. It'll do her good."

"Her mom has called the office every day this week looking for her. I tried Steph's cell but there was no answer. Lula wasn't talking, and that's odd for Lula. I figured she knew but couldn't say. Helen has already called three times this morning…"

"Lula was just honoring Stephanie's wishes, Connie. Don't be too upset with her. But as far as Helen is concerned, I figured as much. She called Steph's cell earlier this morning. I forwarded all of her calls. I'm on my way over there right now."

"Good luck with that."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Connie went to join Stephanie and Lula in the kitchen and I stopped by Tank's office on my way to the garage. "Hey Tank. Anything I need to know about?"

"Bomber's mom has called the switchboard five times this morning."

"Anything else?"

"Nope."

"Good."

I started to leave. "You going over there?"

"Yep."

"Want some backup?"

"Nah. I think I can handle it."

"What's your plan of attack?"

"Figured I'd talk to Frank first. He seems reasonable. I'll let him decide how much to share with Helen. Worst case scenario, Helen doesn't get to see Steph until Steph says it's ok. Which may be never depending on how she reacts. I'm not taking any chances. Stephanie has been through enough. I won't have her mother upsetting her anymore. Ever."

"Sounds like a good plan to me. Sure you don't want backup?"

"I'm sure. This is something I gotta do by myself. For Steph."

I left Tank in the office after explaining that Steph was in the apartment and would be expecting a few more guests. It went without saying that she was to be watched after, but all things considered, I doubted she'd leave the apartment today unless I was with her. I knew she was still fragile, and I could tell that it comforted her to have me nearby. I'd do whatever necessary to make sure that she was comfortable.

I got in the turbo and made my way out of the garage. I took the long route to her parents' house, and used the time to think about what I was going to say to her father. How does one go about telling a man that his daughter was beaten, victimized, and brutally raped? And add to the mix "Oh, by the way, this happened over a week ago and we didn't tell you while she was in the hospital and undergoing life saving emergency surgery!" Yeah, not a good way to conjure up positive relationships with my future father-in-law.

Father-in-law? Was that what Frank Plum was to me? Did I want Steph to be my wife. Who was I kidding? Of course I did. But is that what she wanted? I always figured I'd never marry again, but then I didn't figure Stephanie Plum into the mix. And I wasn't sure that she wanted marriage. And of course now isn't the time to even broach the topic. But someday…someday I hoped that she'd allow me to marry her. That she would give me the opportunity. That she would be able to trust me enough to share that part of her heart that has been hurt so badly before. Yes, someday Frank Plum would be my father-in-law. Guess I better start getting to know the man today.

I worked through the gears seamlessly as I allowed my mind to think back. How much detail did I dare share with Frank? I figured him to be a sensible man, although I couldn't see how he got hooked up with Helen to begin with. Everything I'd ever seen of her seemed controlling and demeaning. I'm not sure how Stephanie turned out to be the person she is. God knows that it wasn't because of Helen's child rearing, but rather despite it. Maybe Frank wasn't always the quiet understated man that he appeared to be. Maybe Stephanie was reared more by him than Helen in her early formative years. Or maybe Grandma Mazur had something to do with it.

I pulled up in front of the house and as luck would have it, Frank was walking down the front steps toward his cab. I stepped out of the car, and removed my shades. I made my way to where Frank had stopped and shook his hand. "Good morning Ranger. How's my girl?"

"You've heard?"

"I saw the paper this morning and I'm hoping that you are not here to tell me what I have prayed all morning wasn't true. Helen's been at the bottle ever since. I was just heading out, but I've got some time to spare if you'd like to fill me in. Why don't we take a ride?"

"I think that's a good idea."

I left the turbo on the curb, and got into the front seat with Frank as he drove the cab down the streets of Trenton. We made small talk as he pulled into a diner near the outskirts of the city. He explained that they served decent coffee, and that he was a regular there when he needed to get away from the chaos that was his home.

The restaurant was simple in design and had checkerboard tile with simple red booths. It was fairly deserted for this time of day, and a middle aged waitress made her way over to us. "Morning Frank. What'll it be fellas?"

Frank spoke first. "Morning Liza. Just coffee for me."

"I'll have the same."

Liza the waitress left, and Frank turned his attention to me. "I'm going out on a limb here to assume you know something about Joe Morelli being arrested for rape and assault?"

"Yes sir. I do. That's why I'm here."

"Please, call me Frank. Tell me that Stephanie is okay. And please tell me that Morelli's arrest has nothing to do with my daughter. "

I hesitated. "Frank, I'm sorry but I can't do that. Stephanie is out of the hospital and is recovering. Unfortunately his arrest has everything to do with Stephanie."

Frank slammed a fist into the table and everyone in the diner turned to look at us. He ran a hand through his thinning gray hair and stared out the window. "I've always known that boy was trouble. Helen has always had a soft spot for him. Said he was perfect for Stephanie, so I just tried to keep my opinion to myself. I should have said something before. Sorry no good piece of scum. He's turning out just like his old man. I should have tried…"

"Frank, you and I both have made the mistake of trusting him around Stephanie. I, for one, won't make that mistake again. As you may know Stephanie and I have been seeing each other for several months."

"But you've loved her for years, am I not correct son?"

I looked up at the man in front of me. I was right in assuming he was reasonable, but it appears he was also astute as well. "Yes. I won't deny that I've loved Stephanie for a very long time. And I feel safe in saying she loves me as well. She was planning on moving in with me the day Morelli attacked her. He came by and pushed his way into her apartment and saw that she was moving out of it and in with me. He was drunk, not that it justifies what happened, but just so you know the whole story. I came by the apartment to help her finish up with packing and found her in the floor chained to her bed with her own handcuffs. She was beaten beyond recognition. She'd been victimized, brutally…raped. Frank, it was awful. I can't describe in detail enough for you to imagine. Horrible. That's the only word. I can't imagine what she went through."

I stopped talking as the waitress brought our coffees. I took a drink for fortitude, wishing that it would calm my nerves as I spoke to Stephanie's father. I was a father myself after all. I can't imagine someone having to tell me that my daughter had been violated in such a way. I had willed away the anger and bile that had risen up in me when Stephanie spoke of the details of that day when she confronted Morelli. I hoped and prayed I'd be able to do the same as I spoke to Frank Plum. I took a deep breath for courage and continued.

"Frank, Stephanie was badly injured. I took her to Haywood and we had an out of town nurse practitioner come and examine her. She said it was probably the most brutal attack she had ever seen. She gathered evidence and did an exam on Steph. Then I took her to my apartment while I sent my men out. Stephanie wouldn't identify him at first, and tried to say she didn't know who did it. Suffice it to say that Morelli claimed to have evidence that would like me to Abruzzi's death if she told what happened. So she was trying to protect me. That night, after she went to sleep she had a nightmare and basically relived the attack and screamed out Joe's name. I knew immediately that it was him, and sent my men out to look for him. They found him and we held him in one of our holding cells several days. Later that night, Stephanie began to hemorrhage internally from damage to her kidney where Morelli kicked her. We took her to Newark to the ER and they operated. She stayed there for several days and is now recuperating in our apartment. She's not up to facing Helen now, and I'd appreciate your help in making sure that your wife gives up this idealistic fantasy of how good Joe Morelli is for Stephanie. He won't be bothering her ever again. I can assure you of that."

Frank had tears in his eyes at this point. He brought his gaze from his coffee cup that he had been staring at, and met me eye to eye. "Ranger, promise me you will never let him near my baby again. Promise me that. And if I ever see that man again in my life I'll kill the sorry SOB myself."

"Frank, I'm with you on that one. It took everything that I had in me to keep from doing that myself. Let's just say that he had more than a few bruises himself. But Stephanie confronted him. She showed him pictures of the attack that were made for evidence. He didn't remember most of it until she showed him. And he agreed to plead guilty. Stephanie is working with the district attorney and her lawyer and is giving them suggestions on what she'd like his punishment to be. As part of the deal, she asked that he move out of state and not contact her in person again. Even through all of this, she has found a way to not hate him. I admire her, but can't say that I've found the same peace."

"Stephanie always was one to see the good in people. She refuses to see the bad. But you and I both know that Morelli won't change unless he's made to. I never would have thought that he would do this Ranger. How could I have been so blind."

"Frank, I'm right there with you on that one. I never would have imagined…and as it turns out, it wasn't the first time he'd hurt Stephanie. There were other times. I'm not at liberty to discuss them due to a promise I made to Stephanie. But that's why I'm here. All along Stephanie stayed with him because of the pressure her mother exerted. I want your help in making sure that your wife stays out of Stephanie's business. And especially stops the harassment. I don't want to keep her away from her family, and you and Ms. Mazur are welcome in our home anytime. But I love Stephanie, and I hope to one day make her my wife, if she'll have me. And I refuse to let her mother berate and belittle her anymore."

"Ranger, I think you'll make my pumpkin very happy. I think you already do. Leave my wife to me. I'll take care of her. When can we see Stephanie?"

"She's still recovering, and her bruises are fading, but she'd like to have dinner with you and the family next week. I'll bring her by then if you can assure me that Helen wont' be a problem. Stephanie doesn't want her pity. She only wants an acknowledgement that Helen was wrong."

"Like I said, I'll make sure of it. Thank you for coming to me Ranger. I'm trusting you with my daughter."

"I can promise you that I don't take that trust lightly. And I plan on keeping it and deserving it. Along with Stephanie's trust and love."

"See that you do, Son. See that you do. Let's head back. I have a conversation to have with my wife."

We headed back to Frank's home, and shook hands as we parted ways. I got back in the turbo and headed back to the office. I dialed our apartment, and Lula answered. "Hello. Plum and Manuso residence."

I had to laugh. "Lula, how is Stephanie?"

"Batman! Good to hear from you! She's getting' her toes did. You're gonna love this shade of red on white girl. Trust me! It's called sex-a-licious! Hold on a sec and I'll take her the phone."

I could hear chit chat going on in the background, and finally I heard Lula when she handed the phone to Stephanie, "White girl, it's yo' man."

"Hey Batman."

"Babe. How are things going? Having fun?"

"Yep. This was a good idea. Everyone is enjoying it. Even Ella. Or should I say especially Ella."

"Good. I'm glad. I'm on my way back to the office. Do you need anything while I'm out?"

"No. I think Bobby took care of all my meds. I'm good. I take it that you're on your way back from my parents' house?"

"Yep. I spoke with your dad. It went well. We are invited to dinner there on Monday evening. I told your dad we'd let them know if you felt up to it."

"Did you speak to my mom?"

"No, your dad asked that I let him handle that. And I think I've under estimated your dad all these years, Steph. He and I have a lot in common. I like him a lot."

"Oh really?"

"Yep. We both want what's best for you."

"My daddy is a good man."

"It seems he is. We had a nice talk."

"Carlos, you're a good man too. I love you."

"I love you too Babe. I won't hold you up any longer. Go enjoy your spa day."

"Bye Carlos."

"Bye Babe."

I hung up the phone and laughed. Inwardly I was thinking "See, I can have phone manners when I want to!" I would bet money that Stephanie was holding the phone in her hand still, thinking "since when does he say goodbye"?

Stephanie's POV:

Since when does Carlos say 'bye' when hanging up? Is the end of the world near? _Geez!_

"Stephanie, is Ranger on his way back here?" this from Connie.

"Yes. I mean no. He's going be down in his office until around 5:30. We have all afternoon."

Mary Lou was next to speak. "So how are you liking living here? The apartment is really nice Steph!"

"Thanks. We've just gotten all my things moved in, but I want to add a few more pictures and things to make it homier. Ella is going to help me when I'm feeling up to it."

Ella spoke. "I sure will. And take all the time you need, Stephanie. We've got plenty of time to make this place feel like home to both of you."

"Thanks Ella. You've been so kind to me. You've become like a second mom to me. Well, that's not necessarily true. You don't push and nag like my mom, but you know what I mean." Ella smiled knowingly. "But you all know I asked you here for something besides a spa day. I wanted to let you know the truth about what I'm sure you've all seen in the paper. I wanted you to hear it from me since you're some of my best friends. I'm sure all of you know about Joe being arrested yesterday."

Everyone nodded. Nothing gets by these ladies. And considering the story was plastered on the front page of the newspaper, I felt sure that they all had assumed I knew about Joe's crime. Mary Lou and Connie looked very surprised when they came into the apartment and saw the bruises on my face and arms, but said nothing about it. Instead, they cut up and talked like usual. Lula and Ella had already been privy to my appearance and simply hugged me when they entered and told me they loved me, and then joined in on the conversation.

I gathered up my courage and took a deep breath. I took my time and told them about the attack, leaving out the goriest of details, but hitting the high points enough that they would know what he did. Lula was the only one who knew all the dirtiest of details. I had broke down and told her about the whole attack the night she came to visit me in the hospital. She simply held me and let me cry. And then she reminded me that I could get through this. And that I was strong. And that she loved me. If it weren't for her and Carlos, I don't know what I would do. Today, she simply sat and listened, acknowledging me with a nod here and there, and not letting on to any of the others that she had already been privy to my story. Letting no one know that she knew all the details of that horrendous night.

When I finished, Mary Lou had tears in her eyes. "Stephanie, I can't believe Joe did that! I never would have believed he would do that. The Joe we knew in high school didn't seem like…"

"People change Mare. And he was drunk. And it wasn't the first time he had hit me. Joe was a very different person when he was drunk. But I've talked with him, and he's pleading guilty. And he'll be in jail out of this area, and will have to live somewhere out of this area when he's released. I just wanted you all to hear it from me, and to help put a stop to the rumors that I'm sure will fly around the Burg."

Connie spoke up. "You can count on us girl. I can make a few calls if you want him to disappear."

We all laughed. Connie didn't. "I'm serious, Steph."

"Thanks Connie, but Joe will be sentenced at a hearing, but I'm told that he won't go to trial since we're agreeing to a plea. Trust me, if anyone got to hurt him, it would have been Ranger."

Lula nodded and spoke up. "That man loves you Steph. More than I've ever seen anybody love anyone in my life. You can see it. You can almost feel it when he's around you. It just oozes out of ya'll. Not many people find that. Lucky, you are. Damn lucky."

I had to agree. Ella surprised me by agreeing with Lula. "He always has dear. Even before you two admitted it and started seeing each other. He always had his men watching out for you, even when he was away. I've never seen him like that. You are his world Stephanie."

"Ella, he's mine too. I love him so much. When I moved in it was supposed to be such a special day. I just hate that it was marred by this …."

"Nonsense dear! He doesn't think of it that way at all. You two already had begun your life together. The day your belongings were moved in here didn't mark the beginning of your future together. That day was marked long ago, in that little diner, when he agreed to meet you. That's when it all started. That was the beginning of your someday."

Everyone was in tears by that point, especially me. "Ella came and hugged me gently, and soon everyone was in on the hug as we wiped tears."

"Thank you all for being here with me today. I needed this. And thanks for being such great friends."

Connie spoke up. "Stephanie, we're all here if you need us. For anything. You've been a wonderful friend to all of us. You can depend on us."

As we finished our spa day and everyone left, I smiled. It had been a good day, and hopefully with time, the good days would outnumber the bad ones.


	14. Chapter 14

Notes & Disclaimers:  
Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine.

This story is rated M. We are pretty much past the violence part of the story, but it's still a Babe story and not Cupcake friendly. Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties.

_Previously:  
Lula nodded and spoke up. "That man loves you Steph. More than I've ever seen anybody love anyone in my life. You can see it. You can almost feel it when he's around you. It just oozes out of ya'll. Not many people find that. Lucky, you are. Damn lucky."_

_I had to agree. Ella surprised me by agreeing with Lula. "He always has dear. Even before you two admitted it and started seeing each other. He always had his men watching out for you, even when he was away. I've never seen him like that. You are his world Stephanie."_

_"Ella, he's mine too. I love him so much. When I moved in it was supposed to be such a special day. I just hate that it was marred by this …."_

_"Nonsense dear! He doesn't think of it that way at all. You two already had begun your life together. The day your belongings were moved in here didn't mark the beginning of your future together. That day was marked long ago, in that little diner, when he agreed to meet you. That's when it all started. That was the beginning of your someday."_

_Everyone was in tears by that point, especially me. "Ella came and hugged me gently, and soon everyone was in on the hug as we wiped tears."_

_"Thank you all for being here with me today. I needed this. And thanks for being such great friends."_

_Connie spoke up. "Stephanie, we're all here if you need us. For anything. You've been a wonderful friend to all of us. You can depend on us."_

_As we finished our spa day and everyone left, I smiled. It had been a good day, and hopefully with time, the good days would outnumber the bad ones._

Carlos POV

I entered the apartment and found Steph curled up on the couch watching television. She looked relaxed and looked like she was about to doze off. When I came in and placed my keys in the dish, she startled and started to get up. "Don't get up because of me, Babe."

"I wasn't asleep. I was just resting."

"How was the get together?'

"It was nice. I enjoyed seeing everyone, and you were right. It felt good to tell them what happened on my terms. Lula was surprisingly subdued, but then again, she was there from the beginning. Ella is always fun and she's become my adopted mother. Mary Lou was in shock and never thought Morelli would do such a thing. And Connie wants to call the Family on him. I told her if anyone got to kill him it'd have to be you."

"Babe." I wasn't sure how to react to that. It wasn't a secret to Steph that I thought the plea she had discussed with our attorneys was too lenient on Morelli. Secretly I hoped that a judge would decide on a harsher sentence. In reality, I wanted to get my hands on him again. But for Steph's sake, I knew that wouldn't happen. I had made a promise to her and I planned on keeping it. But I'd already decided I wanted to pay him one more visit before he's sent away. I still have a few things to say to him.

"I learned something today about you."

I sat down beside her and pulled her legs into my lap as she stretched back out on the sofa. I rubbed her feet and gently ran my fingers over her newly painted pretty red toe nails. "Oh really? What's that?"

"That you fell in love with me when you first met me."

"Babe, I already told you that."

"No, you said you've loved me for a while. I'm talking about back at the diner. Ella said you fell in love with me then. Did you? Back then?"

"Ella's a smart woman Babe. I don't deny that, nor the fact that I did fall hopelessly in love with you that day. There were times when it might have been clouded over by lust," I smiled as I said this, "but yes…I knew that day in the diner that my life would never be the same. And that I needed you to be a part of it. In whatever way you'd let me."

"Why didn't you tell me? I don't mean that day. But it's been years. And we've just recently gotten close. Why not tell me before?"

"The timing wasn't right Babe. You were with Morelli, or I was out of the country, or you were hiding out in my apartment, locked in cabinets, blowing up funeral homes…you name it. And of course, I'm not always the best at discussing my emotions, just in case you haven't already figured that out."

"Really? I'd have never guessed!" Stephanie playfully retorted.

"Steph what matters is now. Us, here, now, and the future. No looking back."

"You're right Carlos. I just hate to think that we wasted so much time…"

"Babe, we didn't waste time. Everything that happened led us to where we are. Yes, I would preferred to have had you in my life permanently before now, but I'm not sure that you nor I would have been really ready to give it 100 percent. But now we are. So the road we traveled made the difference, and made us be able to be where we are."

"That's very sage advice Carlos."

"Thanks Babe! Speaking of advice, I spoke with your dad today."

"How did that go?"

"Well, as I told you on the phone I think I've underestimated your dad in years past. He wanted to handle your mother, so I agreed. He's beside himself that he didn't say something before now. He said he wished that he had stepped in before now, and that he never liked Morelli."

"Daddy has always been quiet. He let Mom have her way to keep the peace. But I always knew he loved me. He's always supported me and my decisions, even when they were bad ones. What happened isn't his fault."

"I know Babe. But I can understand his point. As a father he wants what is best for you. And you were hurt. Brutally hurt. And he can't help but feel responsible. I feel the same way."

"Carlos what happened was no one's fault but Joes. You have to stop blaming yourself!"

Stephanie looked as if she were going to get upset, so I tried to calm her down. I dropped the subject and we moved on to other things to talk about. But the truth of the matter was that I had sent her back to Morelli time and time again. And regardless of what she said, a small part of me would always carry the burden and knowledge that she was hurt and I wasn't able to stop it.

The evening progressed and we had dinner together. Stephanie still didn't have her normal appetite back, and I was beginning to wonder if she would. I know it was still early, but I had been thinking of just how much Stephanie would be able to recover from the attack. Her work as a bounty hunter involved bringing in some of the lowest drudges of society. Not all were scumbags, but she'd brought in her fair share. Would she be comfortable and confident enough to do bond enforcement again? I wouldn't stop her, but I'd prefer she didn't. Not that she had to work. I'd take care of her and let her shop all day long if she wants to. But I know Steph enough to know that she needs to be able to make the choice herself.

Stephanie went to take a long hot bath and I worked some in the office. I thought back over the past several days as I opened a file and booted up the computer. Our evenings had fell into a routine since we had returned home after the attack and I have to admit that I liked it. There was something oddly soothing about the comfort of sharing the apartment with Steph and winding down after a busy day.

Stephanie came into the office and gave me a kiss goodnight, and I gave her a quick pat on the butt as she was walking out of the office. "Babe, I'm going to work on a few of these reports before bed."

"Don't worry about me, Carlos. I think I'm going to turn in though. It's been a long day."

Stephanie made her way into the bedroom and snuggled down into the sheets that she loved so much.

I worked on the paperwork that I despised so much for several hours. I had a lot on my mind, but the quarterly report was due to the accountants by Friday, and I didn't want to ask Tank to do it. I felt like he had already covered my absence a lot lately. Not that I thought he minded, and I compensated him well for it. I knew he would do anything for me, but he hated paperwork about as much as I did.

I took a break and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water and stretched as I walked through the living room. I really needed to go down to the gym and work off some of the stress of the day, but I didn't want to leave Stephanie in the apartment alone asleep. Not yet at least. I was afraid she might wake up and be startled, or need something.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, a blood curdling scream tore me from my musings and made my blood run cold. The scream was so loud and shrill in the quiet apartment that I dropped the bottle of water to the floor and took off running to the bedroom.

When I entered the room, I could see Stephanie's outline lying in the bed. She had forgotten to turn the night light on, so I could only see her form in relief, instead of being bathed by the soft light. I turned the bedside lamp on and ran to her as she continued to scream. When she didn't wake immediately from me calling her name, I put my arms around her and tried to sit her up in the bed, thinking that it would awaken her from the nightmare.

"Stephanie! Babe! Wake up! It's just a nightmare." As I sat Stephanie up, and tried to pull her to me she continued to lash out and push me away. She fought me tooth and nail, scratching, pushing, and punching until I could hardly hold on to her. The more I tried to comfort her and hold her, the more she fought me until finally she fell from my grip and off the side of the bed.

When she did, she finally awoke with a gasp. I wasn't sure whether to go to her and hold her or stay where I was. Stephanie looked around the room confused as tears welled up in her eyes. I spoke softly. "Babe, you were having a nightmare. I'm sorry you were startled, but you were fighting me, and I couldn't get you to wake up. Are you okay? Did you hurt your incision when you fell?" I stood to help her up from the floor.

Stephanie was clearly shaken, and muttered a quiet "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Really, I'm fine". I tried to pull her to me, and instead she pulled away from me and went to the bathroom and shut the door. I heard the quiet lock of the door being turned, and knew that this nightmare had really done a number on her. She had such a good day. Why couldn't it last? Why couldn't she just catch a break? I knew she had to be exhausted from not sleeping, and I was beginning to think that Bobby was going to have to give her something to help her sleep. She couldn't continue to go on like this.

I gave her a few minutes and went to the bathroom door. I tapped on it lightly and called out to her. "Steph, Babe, are you okay? Please let me in."

I could hear the quiet sniffle from her crying, but she didn't speak. "Please, Stephanie. Let me in. Please…"

A few seconds passed by and the lock tumbled and the door opened. Stephanie was sitting on the floor of the bathroom with used tissues all around her. I didn't say anything at first, as I simply sat down on the floor with her and pulled her into my lap. I kissed her temple and smoothed her wild curls as I rocked slowly back and forth.

When several minutes had passed, and her cries and sniffles were no more than a stray hitch in her breath here and there I spoke softly to her. "Steph, you will get through this. It's just going to take some time. You have another appointment with the therapist Friday and we'll ask her for more suggestions about helping with the nightmares. Maybe if you took something to help you sleep…"

Stephanie interrupted. "No, Carlos. I don't want something to make me sleep. I don't want pills. I want to be able to lay down at night and go to sleep without worrying about whether or not I'm going to have nightmares. And I want to be able to sleep all night long without waking up and thinking that Joe is going to rape me and kill me. And I want to get past this. It's too much on me and it's too much on you. Christ! You must think I'm crazy! I can't even sleep. I'm needy and clingy and all the things I never wanted to be. I wouldn't be surprised if you never wanted to have anything to do with me again! After what he did, and what happened, you probably never want to touch me again!"

By the time she was finished the words were coming in angry spurts as she spat them out. I knew that it was the emotions from the nightmare talking, but I also knew that these must be real concerns of hers or else she wouldn't have said anything. I want to try to move past this, but each day I hate Morelli more and more. Not only did he hurt her physically, but obviously her self esteem really took a beating too.

"Stephanie, nothing could be further from the truth. I love you and you are the most precious thing in the world to me. Honey, you are going to have to give yourself time to recover. You're not crazy, nor clingy, nor needy. And I can't wait to show you how much I love you and to make love to you. But we have all the time in the world, and I am not going anywhere. I promise. I'm here for you to lean on for as long as you'll have me. Forever and a day."

Stephanie's anger had died down some, and after I spoke she turned and looked into my eyes. She must have found what she was looking for because she threw her arms around my neck and her tears began anew. "I'm so sorry Carlos for doubting you. I'm sorry! It's just that…"

"_Ssshh amante._ No apologies. It's nothing. I love you Stephanie. And you love me. I know that. Trust me. I know. That's all that matters."

I stood and helped her up from the floor and dried her tears again with a tissue. I pulled her to me and picked her up bridal style and laid her on the bed. I toed off my boots, and dropped my cargos and shirt to the floor. I pulled on the black silk boxers that were on the bench at the foot of the bed and slid between the sheets with Stephanie. I pulled her close to me and held her as her breathing slowed and she fell into peaceful oblivion.

I noticed that when I held her, she seemed at peace. Thinking back, I noticed that most of the nightmares were when she was alone in the bed, or when she went to bed before me. I stored that bit of information away to talk about with the therapist during Stephanie's next session. I hoped that maybe this new revelation would help Stephanie begin to get back to normal.


	15. Chapter 15

Notes & Disclaimers:  
Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine.

_Previously:_

_I stood and helped her up from the floor and dried her tears again with a tissue. I pulled her to me and picked her up bridal style and laid her on the bed. I toed off my boots, and dropped my cargos and shirt to the floor. I pulled on the black silk boxers that were on the bench at the foot of the bed and slid between the sheets with Stephanie. I pulled her close to me and held her as her breathing slowed and she fell into peaceful oblivion._

_I noticed that when I held her, she seemed at peace. Thinking back, I noticed that most of the nightmares were when she was alone in the bed, or when she went to bed before me. I stored that bit of information away to talk about with the therapist during Stephanie's next session. I hoped that maybe this new revelation would help Stephanie begin to get back to normal._

I awoke Friday morning from a restless sleep. I had held Stephanie all night long and found that the nightmares weren't quite as bad as the one the previous night. Stephanie had talked some in her sleep and moaned a few times, but I pulled her to me and held her until she settled back down. I practically slept with one eye open so that I could pull her to me if she had a nightmare. I felt so useless and helpless to stop them.

I silently dressed in black running shorts and a t-shirt, grabbed my keys and a bottle of water, and made my way down to the gym. I found it empty, except for Tank. He was running on a treadmill and had his ear buds in from his Ipod, no doubt listening to something with a fast beat to wake him up. I gave him a slight nod and made my way to the punching bag.

I glanced at the gloves lying on the edge of the mat and decided to forgo them. I didn't plan on being down here that long, and secretly I wanted to imagine it was Morelli that I was beating the life out of as I started to work on the bag. I've always found it therapeutic to work out when something was bothering me. And today was no different. I let myself envision my fists connecting with Morelli's face, his nose, his ribs, and his chest. Each sound of my fists hitting the bag rang in my head as a sweet melody as I pictured them connecting with his flesh.

As I beat the imaginary Morelli, I thought back to the past few days. As much as I was trying to get back to the normal day to day things, and keep our routine as normal as possible, I was finding it difficult to know exactly what to do where Steph was concerned. Even coming down to the gym made me think twice because I feared that she would wake up and need me while I was gone. We were slowly easing back into life, but I wanted to protect my Babe.

But I know Steph well enough to know that if I try to hover, she'll resent it. But how do I remain close enough to her to help, without smothering her. It's a fine line and I'm not sure I'm walking it well.

I thought back to how I normally woke Stephanie each morning before the attack. Whether we had stayed at her apartment or mine, I usually woke her with passionate kisses and tender caresses that usually led to a round (or three) of making love. Our relationship wasn't totally centered around sex, but it was a very important part of our relationship that we both enjoyed immensely. I have had plenty of sex in my lifetime, but with Stephanie it's different. With her, it's not just sex. We make love. Whether it's primal and animalistic, or slow and sensual, we're connected on an almost spiritual level.

But now I am not sure what to do. I know she's not ready for intimacy, not that I'd even consider it this soon. But I want to be there for Steph. I am a patient man and am more than willing to give Stephanie as much time as she needs. I just wish I knew what to do. I find myself second guessing even holding her because I don't want her to think that I don't love her and don't find her attractive anymore. If anything, I've learned from it just how strong she is. But I don't want to hold her in genuine comfort and end up pushing her and making her uncomfortable. I worry that a caring touch or will set off memories of what Morelli did. Am I crazy to feel this way? Stephanie thinks I'm not scared of anything, but the truth is that I'm scared of doing something to accidentally hurt her most of all. She's the most important thing in my life.

Thinking of all of this makes me mad all over again. Damn Morelli for doing this to her! Damn him for taking away her trust and for putting us in this situation. I wonder if I'll ever get over this anger that I feel towards him? I'm trying to be strong for Steph, but deep down it's eating me alive and I want to rip his heart out with my own two hands. Secretly, I pray that the prosecutor and the judge hand down a harsher sentence than what Steph agreed to. Morelli needs to pay for what he took from Steph.

I'm not sure how long I had been beating the punching bag, but Tank's loud voice barking my name finally pulled me from my haze as he grabbed around me and pulled me down to the mats. None of the other men would have been able to, so I was caught by surprise when he pulled me down to my knees on the mat and held my arms firmly to my side by locking his powerful arms around my chest. Not being one who is used to surprises, my fight or flight instincts kicked in and I struggled against Tank's grip.

"Settle down Rangeman. You're alright. I need you to calm down and talk to me. Tell me what's going on. What's got you so upset? Is it Bomber?"

As Tank talked, and I realized that there wasn't an imminent threat, I settled down and took a few cleansing breaths as I gritted out my reply. "Tank. What. Are. You. Doing? Let. Go. Of. Me. Now! "

Tank still held his arms tightly around my arms, so that I couldn't move. If I was honest, I could barely breathe!

"Ranger, man, calm down. You've been beating the heck out of that bag for almost 30 minutes. Your hands are a mess. They're cut and bleeding. I've been calling your name for 5 minutes, but you wouldn't respond. I tried to get your attention, but you were in your own world."

I settled down as I got my breathing under control and looked down at my hands. They were bruised and cut in places, and blood was oozing from the broken skin. As I looked at my hands, I realized that I had been so distracted by my hate for Morelli that I didn't even feel the damage that I was doing to myself. My broken skin and blood made me reflect back on images of Steph in her bedroom, broken and beaten, after Morelli had brutally attacked her. I shuddered as image after image of that night flashed in my head. Tanks firm grip on my arms was the only thing keeping me from holding my head in my hands as that night played through my mind in fast forward.

As the culmination of rage, adrenalin, fear, anxiety, and sleep deprivation came to a head, the bile that I had been holding back for the past week started to rise in my throat. Emotions that I had kept bottled up since the attack started to bubble to the surface. I became powerless to hold them back as I rocked back and forth on the mat with Tank holding me, ensuring that I didn't hurt myself further. As the mixture boiled inside me, my words erupted in sputtered gasps, broken by tears and sobs that I had successfully held back until now.

"That sorry piece of shit deserves to die, Tank! Dios! How could he? How could he do that to her? I….found her and…she was chained up. And at first I…I ….thought someone from my past…had got her…and all I felt was rage and anger. I thought she was dead! There was blood…and I couldn't see her face…and her clothes …they were tore…and pulled off…and then I saw her eyes and realized she was alive. But her eyes didn't look the same. She ….thought…I…she was scared…and I…I…didn't know what to do!"

I sucked air in trying to get all the words out that I had held back. The emotions were rolling over me like tidal waves and I was powerless to stop them. I had never broken down like this, but if a trained assassin was holding a gun to my head at this moment, I couldn't stop the words from spewing out of my mouth. I don't even think the words made sense. Maybe in my head they did, but once they were out of my mouth I had no idea whether Tank understood or not. But he just sat there and held me while I continued to erupt.

"She almost died! And…now…sleep…she can't even sleep without…nightmares! And I try to hold her…but what do I do?…she wakes up and is scared…but then she needs me…and I don't know what to do…and I try to be strong…but what if she doesn't want me to touch her…and I try to act normal…but I don't feel normal…I feel like I want to kill the SOB that did this…but I can't because I promised her…but I feel like I will never be able to get past this rage! I just love her so much…that it hurts…and I don't want her to hurt anymore. I've always promised I would protect her! And…I ….I've….failed her, Tank! I couldn't protect her when she…when she needed me!"

When there were finally no more words, nausea from the bile in my stomach broke through and I threw up until there was nothing but dry heaves remaining. Sometime during my intestinal freak show, Tank let go of my arms and I fell forward to hold myself over the mat. He brought over a couple of towels and some water, and sat against the wall while I tried to compose myself.

Normally I guess I would have felt like an idiot after my little mental breakdown, but having not ever had something like this happen to me, I can't say what normal would be for me. But a quick glimpse at Tank verified what I knew deep in my soul. He was my brother in arms and my best friend, besides Steph. There was no judgment in his return glance, only understanding. He had seen me in the vilest of places, and the most desperate of circumstances. Even then, on missions when we really thought there was no hope, I hadn't reacted this way. My guess would be the difference was that I never really knew the true meaning of love until I met Steph. And the possibility of losing her was enough to shake me to my core.

When I finally got myself under control, I threw a towel over the previous contents of my stomach, and slid over to lean against the wall beside Tank. I took a sip of the water, and used the second towel to wipe my face.

Tank spoke softly. "You ok now man?"

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and nodded once.

"You know, you don't have to do this alone. Me, and the guys, well, we're all here for you. We love you and Bomber. And I know you're sitting there feeling bad for breaking down. But man, you needed to get that out. You needed to vent. It's ok to hurt for Bomber. And it's ok to have that anger and rage. But channel it into something useful now that you've got it out. It's going to take some time for Bomber to get back to her normal self. But what Morelli did doesn't change the fact that she loves you and you love her. What you saw that day, and what she experienced, should never have to be experienced by anybody! But your love will pull you both through it. It's tough right now. But it'll get easier. Steph is going to therapy, and you're going with her. And she'll get the help she needs. And when it gets to be too much lean on each other and on the rest of us. You've never been one to ask for help, but maybe, just maybe, you need her as much as she needs you. And as time goes by, it'll make you stronger. Remember that. Everything in life, every moment, every situation, every experience, makes you who you are. Let this pull you closer. You didn't fail her. This situation…what happened..isn't who you two are. It doesn't define you. It's just an obstacle in your path, man. You've got bigger and better things coming one day. Just remember when it gets bad that it's just an obstacle. And obstacles are made to overcome."

Tank was right. I needed to focus on the present. Not the past. Not what happened. And not what might happen. This was an obstacle, and obstacles were made to be overcome. We could do this. Steph and I could do this. Together.

"Tank, thanks man. I'm sorry..you're right. I just…"

"No need for apologies man. Just let me know what I can do. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And I'm here if you want to talk. And Lula is there for Steph too. We're here…whenever you need us. For whatever you need. We're here for you."

I pulled Tank into a hug and held on tight. True friends like this were a rarity, and I was blessed to have him in mine and Steph's life.

As I pulled away, Tank slapped me on the back. "Now go shower and get cleaned up man. I'll have Luis come and help me clean the mats up. And don't worry about the cameras. I scrambled them when I saw you starting to lose control with the punching bag. I texted Bobby and asked him to lock the gym doors, so no one saw anything. He'll be waiting for you in the medical room to check out your hands."

"Thanks man. I owe ya."

"No man, you don't. You'd do it for me. That's what friends do."

I nodded once more as I rose and walked towards the showers, yet again thankful for Tank's friendship.

I fobbed my way up to the apartment after a hot shower and a quick check of my hands by Bobby. Nothing was broken, and besides a few cuts, I was lucky. Bobby used a few butterfly strips to hold the edges of the wounds together and only had to stitch one small area with a couple of stitches.

As I entered the apartment, I glanced at the clock and saw that it was time to wake Steph. Her appointment with Rebecca was in a couple of hours, and she needed time to shower and eat breakfast before we left.

I tossed my keys into the dish on the side table in the foyer, and made my way to the bedroom. I decided after my little breakdown that I was going to do everything in my power to continue to help Steph through this. And we would get through this. We have a wonderful life waiting on us, and I won't let this stop us from living it. I decided to put aside all my feelings and worries about messing up or doing the wrong thing for Steph. I decided to bite the bullet and just let her know how I felt. Open communication was key to good relationships. I'm not good at that, therefore I've never been good at relationships. But Stephanie was worth the effort.

I sat on the edge of the bed and gently touched Steph's face. "Babe, wake up. It's me, Carlos. Good morning."

Stephanie smiled and stretched slightly. "Good morning Batman. Whattimeisit?"

I laughed slightly at her words that ran together in her sleepy haze.  
"It's around 7:30am Babe. We need to get dressed and eat breakfast so that we can head to the therapist."

"Mmmm kay."

Stephanie started to get up from the bed, and I stopped her by placing my hand gently on her arm. "Babe, I want to ask you a question."

Stephanie blinked the sleep from her eyes, and sat up gently. "Ok, Carlos. This sounds serious."

"Babe, it's nothing to be scared of. I just was thinking, and I want to make sure you know that if I am here for you. And I love you. And more than anything I want to hold you and make all of this go away. But if I ever overstep my bounds, or if I'm hovering, or if I touch you or hug you and you're not ready for that, you'll let me know, right? I want to be here for you more than anything, but I don't want to make you feel smothered or uncomfortable in any way. Does that make sense, Babe?"

Stephanie sat for a moment collecting her thoughts, and then turned her head to look into my eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes glistened with unshed tears as she smiled at me and cupped her hand to my face.

"Carlos, I could never misconstrue your love for me, or your touches, your hugs, your kisses, as anything remotely similar to what Joe did. I admit I am still jumpy since the attack, but not because I'm scared or fearful of you. It's just going to take some time. I know you want to protect me, and that you want to be here for me. And I love you for it. But there will be times that I just need to be alone. Thank you for realizing that, and bringing it up. If you hover or smother me, I know it's meant only in love. And I'll let you know. But please know that I love you and know that I realize you're doing it out of love for me. And right now I need you. So promise me that you'll let me know if I'm being too clingy and needy. I don't mean to be. It's not in my nature to be needy, but right now I want to be near you as much as possible. It's just that I truly feel safe when I'm with you."

I pulled Stephanie to me gently and kissed her temple. I took a deep breath and for the first time since the attack felt reassured. I felt like she needed me and that I was capable of being what she needed. Likewise, I needed her to rely on me and depend on me. I wanted to be that cornerstone for her, and it sounded like instead of feeling smothered, as I'd feared, she actually wanted help. She needed me. Stephanie has never been one to admit needing someone. She's very independent. Much like myself. So the gravity of her confession wasn't lost on me. It was saying a lot and probably took a lot to admit that she needed me to feel safe.

"Carlos, this has been bothering you since the attack hasn't it? You've worried that I might not want you to touch me? And that I might not need your help or want it?"

I nodded a slight nod. "Yes, Babe. To an extent. I've wanted to hold you and comfort you, and have when you've let me. But I don't want to make you uncomfortable or hover over you. And I don't want you to think that I'm not still attracted to you. Because believe me, I am. But I'm not rushing you. I love you. I will always love you. I guess I just needed reassurance that I'm balancing on the fine line between attentive and smothering."

Stephanie chuckled slightly. "Carlos, don't be afraid to love me. I need that now more than ever. Will you hold me for a few minutes before I go shower? I'd really like that."

"I thought you'd never ask, Babe!" I pulled her to me and we snuggled down in the covers for another 20 minutes. As I held her, our fingers laced together, and Stephanie turned her head and put several soft kisses to my lips. It was a very intimate moment without being sexual. We laid there cocooned in our love, and it was exactly what we both needed at that moment.


	16. Chapter 16

Notes & Disclaimers:  
Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story.

_Previously:_

_Stephanie chuckled slightly. "Carlos, don't be afraid to love me. I need that now more than ever. Will you hold me for a few minutes before I go shower? I'd really like that."_

_"I thought you'd never ask, Babe!" I pulled her to me and we snuggled down in the covers for another 20 minutes. As I held her, our fingers laced together, and Stephanie turned her head and put several soft kisses to my lips. It was a very intimate moment without being sexual. We laid there cocooned in our love, and it was exactly what we both needed at that moment._

Stephanie showered while I changed and we had breakfast together in the kitchen. Our appointment was in 45 minutes, and we had just enough time to stop in on 5 for me to check in, and then head to the appointment. Last time, Bobby, Lester, and Tank accompanied us. Steph didn't really want an entourage this time, so we compromised on me and her taking the Turbo, and then a Rangeman vehicle would follow us and stay outside.

I wasn't really worried about anyone trying to attack Steph. She hadn't had a stalker in quite a while. The fact that she was mine now, and I had put out word to all of my contacts stating such, had finally given her a break from the usual crazies that plagued her. If only my name could have protected her from Morelli.

Rather, I wanted backup to make sure that none of the publicity hounds were able to get to Steph. After Morelli's arrest this week, I'm sure they're lurking- just waiting to get a quick snapshot of Steph for the front page of the news. She doesn't need that right now. I've tried to protect her where I could: I've put a stop to all of the police bets. The chief was all too happy to accommodate me when I threatened to pull all Rangeman help for any cases if he didn't.

We pulled into the parking lot, and I was immediately at her side to open the door. She stepped out and we headed into the office with my arm around her waist; silently lending support for the emotional race that lie ahead of her.

I signed Steph in and we sat together in the small waiting room. Her name was quickly called, and we stood to go in. I hesitated at the door to the hallway. "Babe, you know it's always your choice. Do you want me to come with you today? I don't mind at all, but if you ever want to go back by yourself, just say the word."

Stephanie took my hand and pulled it to her lips and kissed my fingers softly. "Carlos, I need you with me. I can't do this alone. I know you're respecting my privacy, but until I let you know otherwise, just assume I need you with me. Please."

I smiled at her and she gave me a smile of reassurance. It spoke of everything I needed to hear and she needed to say, without words. She realized I wanted to be with her, but that I was trying to respect her boundaries; giving her my approval if she didn't want or need me here. Other people say that neither of us can communicate worth shit. But to each other, I think we're perfectly in tune. We communicate just fine.

_Stephanie's POV_

We sat down in the neutral furnishings and Rebecca welcomed us both back. Carlos held my hand, gently drawing soothing patterns on the palm of my hand. It was strangely comforting and sensual.

"So Stephanie, how are you holding up? I saw that Joe Morelli was arrested and is pleading guilty. How do you feel about that?"

"I knew he would plead guilty. Or at least hoped he'd keep his word. I spoke to him prior to his arrest."

"When you confronted him? With the pictures, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"We spoke last time about how that made you feel. How did his arrest make you feel, Stephanie? Have you had time to think about that?"

I had thought about it. While a large part of me was glad that he agreed to my terms, there was no guarantee that the judge or DA's office would agree. But a secret part of me was glad he was behind bars. And I had also worried that he wouldn't hold up his end of the deal.

"Well, I want him to get the help he needs."

"Stephanie, you _do _realize that Joe is not your problem to solve, right? He does need help, but it's not your responsibility to get it for him, or to ensure that it happens. He is his own person and he is responsible for the mistakes he makes. Don't let yourself feel like he's your charity case. It's ok to be mad at him, even if you did share a large part of your lives together. He wasn't the person you thought he was. And it's ok to mourn the friend you thought you had. And its' ok to be pissed as hell at what he did. Now tell me, how do you really feel about him being behind bars?"

I took a deep breath and let it out. "Relieved. When I confronted him, he agreed to my terms, but part of me is relieved that he is behind bars, if only for a little while. Because that's that much longer that I won't have to look behind my back, wondering if he's around. Wondering if he's going to try to find me."

"Did you believe him when he told you he would plead guilty?"

"A part of me did. A part of me wasn't so sure."

"Did Joe follow you previous to his arrest? Did you feel like you were being stalked previously- before the attack?"

Carlos was still holding my hand in gentle support. I looked up to him and found his eyes as they looked to mine. I hesitated, and glanced down at our intertwined hands. Carlos gently squeezed mine as if to silently say 'It's ok. I'm here'. "Well, um…I'm not sure it was stalking. I'd see him around town. Places that I'd go he'd show up at. He never approached me after we broke up until that day in the apartment. But I had seen him around town. It made me uncomfortable because he showed up at the strangest places; never approaching. When I'd catch a glimpse of him, he'd be gone. So it made me uncomfortable, but not scared."

"Carlos, did you know about this?"

"No. I didn't. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been happening."

"Stephanie, were you not comfortable with telling Carlos?"

"I knew he'd get mad- not at me, but at Joe. And I was afraid he'd go to Joe and start trouble. And I was afraid Joe would do something to hurt Carlos. And things were so perfect with our relationship. And it was so new, and alive. I didn't want anything to mess that up. I didn't want to make trouble for Carlos that would have been my fault."

"But you do realize that it wasn't your fault, right? Joe shouldn't have been following you. And Carlos only wants to protect you, isn't that right Carlos?"

"Exactly. You're my first priority, Babe."

"Stephanie, can you tell me exactly why you and Joe broke up? What precipitated it? And how did he react?"

"I found out that he had cheated on me with a girl named Terry. I confronted him. He got mad. I'd never seen him that mad, but he didn't hit me that day. Although he was livid. I had already packed my things that were at his apartment before confronting him. Something told me he was dangerous then, but I ignored it."

Rebecca made a few notes and nodded thoughtfully. "Stephanie, it sounds like your internal radar has been telling you for years that Joe was bad news. But you didn't listen to it. I want you to work on trusting yourself and your instincts. Usually your first thoughts or senses about someone are right. Don't let others make you doubt yourself. Trusting yourself and listening to your inner voice will be one of the first steps you can make towards healing. Don't doubt yourself when you've proven yourself to be trustworthy time and time again. Does that make sense?"

I thought about it for a minute. "Yes. It does. I always knew that Joe was dangerous. Even back when I was 6 in his dad's garage. And I've always trusted Carlos, even when my mother was constantly saying he was dangerous. It's like I always knew he was safe."

Carlos pulled my hand up to his lips and brushed a chaste kiss across my fingers. He whispered softly, "Proud of you Babe."

Rebecca spoke again. "Stephanie, how are you sleeping? Are the nightmares continuing?"

I took a deep breath. "Unfortunately, yes. I can go to sleep fine, but it's the staying asleep that's hard. So I get up once I wake up so that I don't dream again. When I'm asleep, I dream a lot. And the dreams usually turn into nightmares. I sometimes wake myself up, and sometimes Carlos has to wake me up. Then, it's hard to go back to sleep. So usually I just get up. If Carlos is there, he holds me and I go back to sleep sometimes. But he has to work. It's not like he can put his whole life on hold while I lay around sleeping. That's not realistic. He has a business to run."

"What are the nightmares about?"

"Usually they are about the attack. Sometimes they are a play by play of what actually happened. Sometimes they are different. Sometimes Carlos is there watching what is happening, but can't get to me to help me. And sometimes I kill Joe in my dreams. And then I'm the one put in jail, and I never see Carlos again."

"Carlos, do you think she is getting any _restful_ sleep?"

"Honestly, only when I'm there. Since the attack, she's napped some in the apartment. Usually those end up with dreams as well. Ella, our housekeeper, found her the other day tangled in the blanket having a nightmare. It was pretty severe, and she couldn't wake Steph. I came in and found her, and woke her up. If I hold her while she's sleeping, the nightmares aren't as bad, although they are still present. If we get separated during our sleep- like if she turns over; or if I get up before her and leave- for the gym or work-then the nightmares are present and sometimes worse than when I'm there. I have tried to be there as much as possible. She's what is important. Nothing else matters if she's not ok. But I worry that I'm smothering. We talked about that this morning. She assured me I wasn't. So I'm going to trust her to tell me if I am.

But to answer your question, she sleeps more soundly if I'm holding her or there with her." Carlos stopped for a minute, hesitant to continue. He looked up at me and tucked an errant curl behind my ear. "And I don't mind holding her. It's nice, actually. Like she needs me and is drawing strength from me while she sleeps."

Rebecca smiled knowingly, and made a few more notes. "Stephanie, it sounds like Carlos wants to be there for you, but that you're not used to depending on anyone. Is that right?"

"I guess you could say that. I have always tried to be self sufficient, although he's had to bail me out of jams more times than I can count in the past few years. But since the attack I've needed him to be with me. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want him to resent me. And I'm not used to being needy or clingy."

Carlos interrupted. "Babe, I would never resent you and you are not a burden. I like being there for you. I like the fact that you need me. And I've always wanted to be the one that you turn to for help. And wanting someone with you to lean on is very different than being clingy. You're not clingy- I promise." And with that, he placed a quick kiss on my temple.

Rebecca spoke softly. "Stephanie, it's wonderful that you are such a strong individual. And you're doing remarkable considering what happened to you. But it's ok to lean on others. It's not a sign of weakness, but rather, it's a sign of strength. Because it shows that you are strong enough to realize when you need help, without getting in over your head."

We spoke a little longer about my injuries and how they were healing. I told Rebecca that I had a follow up appointment the next day with my physician and hoped to be released after that with only minimal care afterwards. I asked her about going back to work in the office and if she felt it would be ok.

"Stephanie, how do _you_ feel about going back to work. You're the one who will know when you are ready."

Carlos spoke up. "Steph, you don't have to push yourself if you're not ready."

"I know Carlos. But I'm going to go crazy sitting at home. I'd like to maybe go back work part time until I'm fully healed physically. I need to be around others. I'm still jumpy, and I think the only way I'm going to get out of that is to get back to my normal routine. I know I'm not ready for chasing criminals, but I could work on searches in my cubicle, if that's ok with you, Carlos."

"Anything you want, Babe. As long as the docs say it's ok."

Rebecca nodded. "I think its fine as long as your physician agrees. I am worried that you aren't getting enough rest, so I'm going to ask that you only work half time until your sleep pattern is back to normal and not being interrupted by dreams and nightmares. I can prescribe something to help you with sleep, but I'd prefer you work through the dreams yourself. You said you're falling asleep without help, so I think the dreams continue to be your subconscious mind's way of dealing with the trauma.

Last time you were here we discussed your parents and how you were nervous about telling them about the attack. Have you spoken with them? "

"I spoke with my dad briefly on the phone. He called shortly after Carlos told him about the attack. We are going to dinner at their house on Monday. I haven't spoken to my mom yet."

"How do you feel about Carlos telling them? Is that what you wanted?"

"Yes, I asked him to and he met with my dad. Dad was going to let mom know. I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at my dad and tell him what happened. And I couldn't bear to hear from my mom how disappointed she was."

Carlos took a deep breath and I knew that he was stilling himself from the anger he felt towards my mom. She had always pushed me to be with Joe, and if it weren't for the fact that she was my mother, he would have probably already had her dropped off in some foreign third world country.

Rebecca looked at me and spoke firmly. "Stephanie, it's good that you allowed Carlos to help you. But remember you did nothing wrong. Your dad was probably hurt that this happened to you. And we have established that Joe was not the right person for you. Which means your mom was _wrong_- whether she admits it or not. Parents are wrong sometimes Stephanie. They usually want what's best for their children, but they aren't always right. It's ok to want to please them, but remember, not at the cost of losing what you want and what you hold dear. That's why the internal voice we talked about is so important. Let your heart guide you. Listen to your instincts. You are your own person and have permission to disagree with your parents. You're an adult as much as they are."

I'd never really thought about it that way. I had always assumed that my mother knew best. And I'd always struggled with pleasing her because our ideals never lined up. It was liberating to realize that I didn't have to agree with her. She was wrong. All this time I'd lived my life thinking I was the wrong one. I'd wanted her love and acceptance so much, that I almost lost sight of _who_ I was and _what_ I wanted in the process!

The thought gave me a strange sense of empowerment. "You're right Rebecca. I never really thought of it that way. She's wanted me to be like her for so long, that I almost lost sight of what I wanted and who I was. No wonder we've clashed so much. I never gave myself permission to disagree with her and accept that she could be the wrong one instead of me without feeling guilty!"

I looked up at Carlos and he smiled a half smile that told me he was proud of me, and that he loved me. I swear he could say more with his eyes and half expressions than most men can say with their words, and cards, and letters. No wonder I love him so much.

"Ok, Stephanie. I think we're definitely making some progress. I have homework for you."

I interrupted her with an "Ugggh!"

She laughed, as did Carlos, and then continued. "When you go to your parents for dinner, I want you to make sure you don't let your mom berate you or sucker you into believing that you did anything wrong. Remember- no more guilt. And because it's so early in your progress, if she continues, I want you to tell Carlos. Carlos, you're there as Stephanie's advocate. She has her own mind, but she's still in a fragile position. This is all new to her. So if her mom gets to be too much, you have permission to step in. Does that sound ok, Stephanie?"

I nodded emphatically. "Carlos, just promise you won't ship her off to a foreign country if she makes you mad, ok?"

Carlos laughed under his breath. "I hear that Zimbabwe is nice this time of year."

I gouged him lightly in the side as Rebecca continued. "Part two of homework concerns you while you're sleeping. When we meet next time, I want to know how the nightmares are. If they are continuing, we'll resort to some sleep aids or something to relax you at night until you can get past the dreams. But for now, when you have a nightmare and wake up, I want you to stay in bed. Practice some deep breathing exercises to clear your mind and focus back on reality. Concentrate on the fact that you are in your bed, and you are safe. Nothing is going to happen to you, and the dreams were just that- dreams. They are not reality. Let your mind focus on the things that make you feel safe and secure. We've already established what those were last time. If Carlos is there, let him hold you if it makes you feel comfortable. If he's not there, try to relax, and don't get up and try to go about your business. I want you to stay in bed for the full time you would normally sleep, whether you are asleep or not. This will help retrain your body and your mind that when you're in bed, you should be relaxing- not having nightmares. Before going to bed, take a hot bath or do something to relax and clear your mind. Make what you do a ritual, so that as you are getting ready for bed, you're retraining your mind to start relaxing and focusing on sleep. If you wake up from a nightmare, it's ok to let Carlos hold you. He's told you he doesn't mind and it sounds like he enjoys it. Let him love you. Let him help you. Lean on him. That's part of what he's there for.

Finally, we haven't talked about the elephant in the room that everyone avoids. Intimacy. Often times, when women are raped or abused, they wonder if they'll ever feel like they once did. If they'll ever recover enough to enjoy that aspect of their lives again. And I'll be honest with you. For some women, it _is_ difficult. But for others, they are able to put the trauma behind them and move on. I truly think you'll be one of those women, Stephanie. I know it's too early now, but eventually you'll feel normal again. It's obvious that you and Carlos have a connection. And I don't doubt that intimacy was a big part of that, no?"

I blushed furiously, but was intrigued that she knew what I was thinking. Secretly I had wondered if Carlos and I would have the same magic, sexually speaking, that we once did. He had assured me that he still found me attractive, despite the attack, but I secretly wondered if I'd be able to handle being intimate with him again anytime soon. I must have gotten lost in my thoughts, because Carlos cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Stephanie and I had a remarkably close intimate relationship. It wasn't what our relationship was built around, but it certainly was an important aspect of the relationship to both of us. But I am very patient, and there's no rush to continue that part of our relationship. At least, not until Stephanie is ready."

Rebecca spoke up again. "Stephanie, how does that make you feel to hear what Carlos said? And am I correct in assuming that this is a topic that you've given thought to?"

I swear that Carlos needs to hire this lady to give ESP lessons to new hires for Rangeman! I nodded with my eyes slightly lowered. "Yes. I've thought about it. And I know that Carlos wouldn't push me to do something I'm not ready for. It makes me feel…what's the word…treasured. That he feels that way. And that he's sticking by me. But I have wondered when I will be better enough- physically and emotionally- to be intimate with him again. There's a large part of me that is still getting over what happened. But then there's the part of me that has hormones and eyes and a brain. And that part sees Carlos every day, and sleeps with him every night. You've seen him, Rebecca! He can scramble a woman's' brains with just a smile! I just want to be normal again. I want that intimacy back between us. I find myself wanting to touch him and have him touch me. Not that I'm ready for…umm..well, sex. But I miss the caresses that we shared. But then I think what kind of person thinks about that when she was raped a few weeks ago. And what kind of person must Carlos think I am if I'm thinking about that already. I wonder 'should I be having those thoughts? Does that make me a slut? And then I remember the attack and I feel guilty for even thinking it when I know I'm not ready. I just worry that I'll screw it up when it comes time for it."

Carlos held my hand and turned me towards him. He took my face in his hands as he leaned in to me. He placed a sweet, tender kiss on my forehead and pulled away to look into my eyes. "Babe, you could never screw it up. We've got all the time in the world. And there's no hurry. And when the time comes we'll go slow, and if you're uncomfortable, then we'll stop. No problems. Don't let it worry you. Those thoughts don't make you a slut. You're far from it. You're perfect, Steph."

I took a deep breath and nodded. Carlos was sitting here, reassuring me about our intimate relationship, as if it were everyday conversation. I was blushing horribly as Rebecca looked on, but Carlos' eyes never left mine as he reassured me. He spoke to me as if Rebecca wasn't even in the room. I was his sole focus. And it made me feel loved. And important. And worthy.

"Stephanie, it's obvious that Carlos loves you. And you love him. Trust that love to get you through this. You both sound committed to this relationship, despite what happened to you. Don't let the attack shake that foundation that you've built. And don't let it make you second guess your femininity, your worthiness, or your ability to be desired. I'm observing the two of you, and you're right. He can scramble brains!" I tugged at the hem of my shirt, and laughed nervously as Carlos and Rebecca chuckled in unison with me. She continued. "But I'm also seeing that he only has eyes for you. He's hopelessly in love with you. And he's genuine. Trust what he's saying to you. It's obvious that what he's telling you is from his heart. And he's right. Having those thoughts and feelings are normal, and in no way make you a slut. The attack didn't take away the fact that you love Carlos and he loves you. Nor did it change that you are an attractive woman who had a normal, healthy, intimate sexual relationship with an attractive man.

Over the next few days, when you're in bed, work on holding each other. Touch each other but only as much as Stephanie is comfortable with. If your mind is ready, and your body is ready, then I say by all means. However, I'm not saying have sex. I don't think you're ready for _that_ Stephanie. But if you're missing some of the intimacy of your relationship, it might help your subconscious mind relax. Carlos, let Stephanie take the lead. Whatever she's comfortable with. And Stephanie, talk to him. Let him know what you're feeling. Use the time to reconnect. Don't keep it bottled up inside, okay?"

I nodded and smiled.

"Ok, make an appointment for next week on your way out. How about Wednesday and Friday?"

We both nodded our approval and stood to leave. I took Carlos' hand as we stood and made our way down the hall. After making the appointment, we buckled ourselves in the Turbo and left the parking lot. As we waited for traffic to clear, I leaned in to kiss Carlos. "Thank you."

Carlos returned my kiss, and smiled as I pulled away. "For what Babe?"

"For reassuring me. For letting me know I'm not crazy for secretly wanting you despite what's happened."

"Babe, you're not crazy. And I want you too. But there's no hurry. You take all the time you need to heal. Now, how about we get you some lunch? Do you feel up to going out? Or would you prefer to have Ella fix us something to eat in the apartment?"

I hadn't been out since the attack, and the bruising was faded on my face enough to cover with makeup. My body was healing, although not quick enough for me. I would probably have a scar from the surgery and the bite marks on my body still hadn't healed completely. My eye was still slightly puffy, but it looked remarkably better than it had. Still, I wasn't comfortable with going to Pinos or Shorty's since I knew I'd be fodder for the gossip mills. I still needed time. Maybe in a few days we could venture out to one of those.

"How about the diner? We haven't been there in a while. And I don't think anyone we know would be there."

"Babe, you know you don't have to hide. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know. I just need a little more time before we go to anywhere near the Burg."

Carlos pulled the car out into traffic. "The Diner it is then, Babe. Besides, it'll give me a chance to reminisce over how we first met. You looked so cute when you walked in that day. You didn't look scared a bit."

"Inside I was shaking like a leaf."

"But you didn't let it stop you. You overcome your fear and became my Eliza Doolittle. You are truly a pillar of strength, Babe."

I smiled at his reference to _Pygmalion_. "You'll always be my Professor Higgins, Carlos. Always and forever."


	17. Chapter 17

Notes & Disclaimers:  
Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. I know this is a long chapter, but I couldn't find a cutting off point. Hopefully, you'll enjoy anyway.

_**Previously:**_

_**Carlos pulled the car out into traffic. "The Diner it is then, Babe. Besides, it'll give me a chance to reminisce over how we first met. You looked so cute when you walked in that day. You didn't look scared a bit."**_

"_**Inside I was shaking like a leaf."**_

"_**But you didn't let it stop you. You overcome your fear and became my Eliza Doolittle. You are truly a pillar of strength, Babe."**_

_**I smiled at his reference to Pygmalion. "You'll always be my Professor Higgins, Carlos. Always and forever."**_

We ate at the diner, and it was nice to visit there again. We sat in the same booth that we had years ago when we first met, and I got butterflies as if I was back on my first date with Carlos. I must have looked nervous, because after we ordered, Carlos held my hand and spoke.

"Babe, you ok? You seem…almost…nervous."

He ran his fingers gently over my palm and the sensations were doing funny things to my head and other parts too. It was nice. And scary. After the attack I had worried that I'd never feel these sensations again. And here he was making me feel them in the middle of a crowded diner by simply touching my hand. It was strangely reassuring and yet sensual- all at the same time.

I felt my face redden, and I cast my eyes down to my napkin and utensils. "I'm not nervous, per say. I guess…well, I kinda feel butterflies. I know it's strange, but I almost feel like we're starting out on our first date. Does that make sense?"

"It's not strange Babe. We're taking this opportunity to reconnect and take our time. To go slow. I don't want you to worry about the intimate side of our relationship. I wish you had told me before the therapy appointment today that you were worried about that. We could have talked about it. I'm a patient man, Babe. You should know that from the past several years. And there's no reason to be worried. I'm here for you- whatever you need, let me be it for you."

I leaned forward and kissed Carlos over the table. It was gentle yet full of promise and love. Unfortunately, our waitress chose that time to bring our food over and the kiss was interrupted by our plates being sat down on our table. _Drats!_

After we left the diner, we made our way back to Haywood. Carlos planned to stop off on the fifth floor, and made me promise to call if I needed anything. I assured him that I had my cell phone (and that it was fully charged), and my panic button. After the attack, I had started carrying it on me everywhere I went- even in the apartment. I know it was silly, but it made me feel safer, and Carlos assured me that whatever it took to feel safe was not silly. I had long ago promised to keep it in my purse, but nowadays I kept it safely tucked in my pocket. Sometimes, I'd absently run my hand in my pocket to feel it's weight and smoothness- silently reminding myself that I was safe and nothing could hurt me.

I went up to the apartment on seven to take a quick nap. On the way back to Haywood, I had told Carlos that I would like to go back to work this afternoon, but since I'd already had the therapy appointment, he gently _asked_ if I would mind waiting until Monday to start back to work because he didn't want me to overdo it. I didn't argue, because he _did_ ask, and in reality, I _was_ a little tired. Not so much physically, but emotionally. It felt like the therapy sessions seemed to drain me a little. I hoped that they got easier, because all I wanted was for my life to feel normal again. Well, as normal as my life could feel. Well, who was I kidding? My life was actually never normal.

I checked my messages on my cell phone as I lay down on the bed. There were a few from Connie, Lula, and Mary Lou- just checking on me and telling me that they were thinking of me and that they loved me. How sweet is that? It's so nice to have good friends!

I had three messages from my Grandma. The first one sounded very emotional, and she told me she loved me and would always be here for me. The second one reiterated the same thing, but sounded less emotional. From that, I assumed the first one had been left the day Carlos told my dad about the attack. And the second one must have been left after she gathered herself together. The third one was to remind me and Carlos that we were invited for dinner on Monday, and that Mom was making grilled chicken and vegetables. I tried to not let myself think about the fact that mom hadn't called. I silently wondered for a moment if the menu was her decision, or if it was strongly suggested by my dad or grandma.

The final message was from my dad. He told me he loved me and that he was here for me. He promised that he'd always be here for me and asked that I let Carlos take care of me. He said he knew how stubborn I could be, but that right now, I needed someone to lean on. He promised he'd call again soon, and that he hoped to see us on Monday night for dinner.

After deleting all my messages, I settled down under the covers to nap. I didn't think I was that tired, but after settling into the warm, soft covers, I was asleep within a few minutes.

I must have been asleep for about an hour or more, when I woke up with a start. My heart was racing, and I sat straight up in bed. I couldn't remember all of the details of the dream I was having, but I did remember running down the steps in my apartment building. I don't know who was after me, but I could clearly see the details in my mind. As I entered the stairwell, I heard a loud sound that sounded like the elevator bell ringing. I was so scared that whoever was after me had beat me down to the lobby, and was going to be waiting there as I exited the stairwell!

I took a couple more deep breaths and realized that the ringing sound that I thought was the elevator was actually the phone in the apartment. I quickly answered it and must have sounded out of breath. "Hello."

"Babe, I was getting worried when you didn't answer the phone right away. Are you okay? Why are you out of breath?"

I took a couple of quick, deep breaths. "Carlos, I'm fine. I was asleep, and when I woke up I was a little disoriented. Really, I'm fine."

"Are you sure Babe? Do you need me to come up to the apartment? I can work from my office. Or put these contracts off until later."

"Carlos, really, I'm fine," I said as my heart rate settled back to normal.

"Babe, you said you were sleeping. Did you have any nightmares? Any dreams?"

I must have been silent for too long because as I started to say something, Carlos interrupted. "Steph, I'll be there in just a second."

I knew there was no use in arguing with him, so I hung up the phone since I was listening to dead air. A few moments later I heard the front door open and Carlos' voice announce his entrance. "Babe, it's me."

I laid there in the bed, trying not to get angry at him for coming up to check on me. I appreciated his attentiveness, but I didn't want to be a burden. And I knew for a fact that he had work to do.

Carlos walked into the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed. I sat up and he hugged me to him. The scent of him never failed to calm my nerves and put me at ease. I sat there soaking in the comfort and finally he spoke. "Babe, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not much to tell, really. Someone was chasing me in my dream. I was running down the stairs in my apartment building, and heard the elevator bell ringing. I was afraid they would beat me to the landing, and I kept hearing the bell ringing. When I woke up, I realized that the ringing was actually the phone. I felt silly, but in reality, the dream wasn't as bad as some of the others I've had."

Carlos sat there quietly, rubbing my back in a comforting way. "Steph, you know you're safe here, right? I mean, you do feel safe here, in our apartment don't you? You know I'd do anything to make you feel safe."

"Of course Carlos. I couldn't be any safer anywhere else. I know that in my mind. But I guess I lose sight of that in my dreams. Besides, the dreams never center around me being here. They're always at my old apartment."

"Steph, why don't I go back down and get the contracts I was working on? I'll finish them up here in the apartment, and then we'll call Ella for dinner. We can watch a movie or whatever you want to do."

I pulled away from Carlos and ran my hand down his chest. The feel of his chest beneath my fingers was reassuring and reminded me of his strength. I knew deep down that I was safe here and I had to get control over my dreams and thoughts. Maybe if I kept reminding myself that I was safe, and that Joe promised he'd never hurt me again- well, then maybe my subconscious mind would believe it too. I knew I had to do something. The lack of sleep was starting to get to me, and I was exhausted from the constant nightmares each night.

"Carlos, thank you for checking on me, but you can go back to work. I'll be fine. This is something that I am going to have to get in control of, and I can't always depend on you to run to my side after every bad dream. This one was mild in comparison to the others. Trust me, I'm fine. I just need a little time alone. Why don't you go back to work for a few more hours, and then I'll call Ella and have her bring something up for when you come back up. How's that sound?"

Carlos considered my offer and didn't seem convinced. "Steph, are you sure? It's no trouble for me to…"

I interrupted him again. "I'm sure, Carlos. Please."

He kissed me once more and then stood to leave. "Promise me you'll call if you need something…anything…anything at all."

"I promise."

He kissed me once more and hesitantly left the apartment.

I decided to go ahead and get up, so after washing my face and giving my hair the once over, I made myself busy by organizing some of the things that were brought over from my apartment. Ella had unpacked most of my belongings and hung most of my clothes in the dressing room. But there were a few small boxes that she hadn't gotten to yet that contained some movies, cd's, and books. I placed all of the items where they needed to go, and then called Ella to place our order for dinner. I asked her to just fix whatever she wanted to fix, and told her that Carlos would be back around six.

I sat down on the couch to relax and turn the television on. I flipped through the channels and settled on a Lifetime movie to pass the time until Carlos came home. When he came in from work, we settled into the dining room to eat together. Ella had brought a wonderful dinner of stew and wild rice along with a plate of grilled veggies. We ate and Carlos told me about a few of the accounts he was working on. We watched a movie from my collection that I had unpacked. I kidded Carlos that we were going to watch Ghostbusters, and he even agreed to it. But I didn't have the heart to make him watch it. I settled on Fried Green Tomatoes- which he had never seen before. It was another of my favorites. He grinned as I recited lines along with the actors and chuckled out loud when I quoted along with Sipsey by saying "the secret's in the sauce!".

Later, we got ready for bed and Carlos snuggled me into his arms. I swear- being held by him is the best feeling in the world. I was feeling overly emotional for some reason, and the warmth of his body, along with him holding me started me thinking about how very lucky I was despite all that had happened. Carlos must have felt a tear escape and drip onto his chest, because he instantly lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. "Babe, are you ok? What's wrong?"

I smiled a watery smile. "Nothing is wrong. Actually, it's just that everything is right. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you with me- to have your support and your love. I can't repay all that you've done for me if I tried. I just want you to know how much I love you and appreciate you."

Carlos kissed me gently. "Babe, you don't have to repay me. What we do and give to each other has no price whatsoever. Always remember that. I'm here for you and you're here for me."

I fell asleep knowing that regardless of what happened, Carlos would be there for me. As much as I needed to be alone earlier, after the nightmare during my nap, now I needed to be in Carlos' arms. He seemed to sense my need, and held me even tighter and rubbed my back gently until I fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up still being held by Carlos. I could tell that he wasn't asleep by his breathing. I stretched gently and smiled. "Good morning Carlos."

Carlos started running his fingers through my hair. "Good morning Babe. Sleep well?"

I thought for a minute. "I don't remember any nightmares. I don't remember waking at all."

He placed a kiss to my hair and pulled me towards him. "You didn't wake up totally last night. In fact, I'd say it was probably the best night of sleep you've had in several weeks. You did mumble something that I couldn't understand a couple of times, and got restless; but I held you and you calmed down. I think we may have figured out the formula to holding the nightmares at bay."

I frowned and sighed. "Carlos, as much as I am thankful that I didn't wake up with nightmares, I can't hardly expect you to keep watch all night. There's no way you could have slept much if you were waiting on me to have a nightmare all night long. I'll speak to Rebecca when I go back next week and see if she can prescribe something. This is getting to be ridiculous!"

"Stephanie it's not ridiculous. I slept plenty last night and you know that I can get by with less sleep than you. My body is conditioned to need less than you from my days in the military. Once you settled back down, I went right back to sleep. And if all it takes to keep the nightmares contained is me holding you all night long, then that's a price I'd be honored to pay. I get to be the lucky one out of the deal. I get to hold my beautiful girlfriend all night long. Do you really think there's anywhere I'd rather be? Remember what Rebecca said, Steph. Let me help you. Let me be there for you. You don't have to do this alone."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Ok….ok. As long as you promise to let me know if it gets to be too much. I don't remember dreaming at all last night, so hopefully the nightmares will come to an end soon. I hope so."

"Me too, Babe. Me too."

I rolled over- halfway lying on top of Carlos- and kissed him. "I love you Carlos. I know I don't say it enough. But I love you with all that I am. With all that I have. I love you completely."

Carlos kissed me back and held me close. _"__Bebé, te amo también. Usted es mi vida, mi corazón, y mi amor. I can' la espera de t hasta el tiempo correcta para que usted sea mi esposa. Mi vida era vacía hasta que le encontrara."_

**(Babe, I love you also. You are my life, my heart, and my love. I can't wait until the time is right for you to be my wife. My life was empty until I found you.) **

I had no idea what he had just said. And as much as I wanted him to translate for me, I didn't want to spoil the feeling that I had at that moment. Carlos speaking Spanish had always turned my brain into mush, and this morning was no different. For whatever reason, this language never failed to make me warm in lots of places.

I nuzzled his neck, taking in the scent that was uniquely him. I kissed the trail from his neck up to his ear, and back down to his collarbone. As I ran my hand across his chest, I heard a faint growl from him. Normally, Carlos would have flipped me over and started reciprocating my affections full throttle. But this morning he lay there and let me take the lead. I tilted my head slightly and he took the invitation to kiss my neck gently and lovingly. Finally, after a few minutes, he pulled away and turned me so that we were spooning in our favorite position. His arms were around my waist and I held on to his forearms, with my back to his front. We both took some deep breaths and just lay there, feeling complete in each other's arms.

I felt sure that my earlier worries about losing the intimacy of our relationship was probably no longer a valid concern. It was obvious that Carlos was still was attracted to me despite the words Joe had said during the attack. Sometimes they kept playing in my head during my dreams. As a matter of fact, the evidence that Carlos was still attracted to me was currently poking me in my backside!

I had also worried that I would no longer react to Carlos in the same way. That fear, too, was probably no longer a concern since it seemed that my love for Carlos was, if anything, growing stronger. I felt a whole new level of intimacy with him that had nothing to do with sex. Rather, it had to do with us knowing the good and bad about each other and loving each other anyway.

After a few quiet moments, Carlos reminded me that I had a follow up with my surgeon.

"But Carlos, it's Saturday. Are you sure about the appointment date and time?"

"Bobby made special arrangements so that the office wouldn't be crowded. He wasn't sure if you would be feeling up to sitting in a waiting room full of people. So this time, the doctor will meet us there. If you're feeling up to it, and if any future appointments are needed, then you can decide if you'd prefer an appointment during the week. Sound ok?"

I nodded my head, thankful for the blessing of friends like Bobby who knew what I needed before even I did. Luckily, most of the bruising was gone so by looking at me, one really couldn't tell that I had been hurt.

We dressed and got ready for the day, and ate a light breakfast before leaving for Newark. Once we arrived, we met with Dr. Savalas. He seemed impressed by how much I'd recovered thus far. He talked with me about how therapy was going, and asked about my sleep and appetite. I told him most of my appetite had returned- to which Carlos raised an eyebrow. Dr. Savalas laughed at Carlos but said nothing. Guess he didn't agree with me, but I figured eating something was better than nothing. And at least I was getting to the point that I was hungrier now than I had been in recent days.

Dr. Savalas- or Eddie as he asked to be called- was very patient and took his time with me. When it came time for me to change into a gown, for the exam, he gave me a sheet to cover up with and asked if I'd prefer Carlos or a nurse be with me during the exam. Of course I wanted Carlos with me, and told him such. He left me to change and Carlos helped me into the dreaded hospital gown.

Once he returned, he examined my temple where Bobby had already removed the stitches. He also checked my incision from the surgery and removed the stitches there as well. He talked to me about the stitches he'd had to place in my vaginal area, and said the stitches would dissolve by themselves, and thankfully he didn't do an exam down there. However, he did suggest that we refrain from sex for at least a couple more weeks, just to give the area time to completely heal.

He turned me lose with directions to see him again if anything new cropped up, but said that otherwise, Bobby could handle the remainder of my care. (That being to check the suture line in a couple of days to make sure it was continuing to heal.)

The rest of the weekend passed much like the previous few days had. We ventured out for a drive on Sunday afternoon, but returned to the apartment early in the evening to get ready the work week to begin.

Monday morning greeted me bright and early, and I smiled as I turned to look into Carlos' beautiful eyes. "Good morning. Today I get to go back to work!"

He laughed lightly. "You sure do Babe. And you know what else?"

I kissed him and nipped his bottom lip. "Mmmm. What's that?"

"I didn't hear you wake up or get restless one single time last night. Do you remember any dreams?"

I smiled and thought for a second. "You know what? I don't! I slept soundly all night long!"

I was met by Carlos' 2000 watt smile, as I jumped up and straddled his waist. He pulled me into a deep hug and whispered in my ear. "I told you Babe. Just give it some time and things will continue to get better. I promise!"

I kissed him again, this time hard and with lots of feeling. He reciprocated, and then turned me until I was lying on the bed, and he was above me- tickling me until I cried 'uncle'! It was a great way to wake up and it finally felt like things were normal.

We finally got out of bed and Carlos went to the kitchen to put the coffee on. I walked into the dressing room to pick out my clothing for the day- Rangeman black of course- and when I returned to the bathroom I found Carlos' shower already in progress. Part of me really wanted to join him- especially after having such a great night with no nightmares. But part of me was really scared.

I finally bit the bullet and quietly opened the door to the bathroom. Of course, Carlos was immediately aware of my presence. I could see his silhouette through the frosted glass of the shower and saw him standing very still with his back towards me.

"Babe, I'll be done in just a minute."

"Umm…well…I was just. It's just that…" I hesitated. What had seemed like a great idea _outside_ the bathroom door suddenly seemed a little hasty once I was actually _inside_ the bathroom.

"Steph, are you ok?"

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Why was I embarrassed? This was Carlos. _My_ Carlos. We lived together for Pete's sake!

"Well, umm… I sorta wanted to ..umm…join you." Eeek! There! I said it! I wasn't sure I was ready. But I'd never know if I didn't try. I knew I wasn't ready for our normal shower activities, but I really missed our morning shower time together.

Carlos silently opened the shower door, and looked at me with a smile. "Sure Babe, if you're ready. I promise to be a gentleman."

I stepped into the shower and was immediately surrounded by warm steam as the scent of Bvlgari assaulted my nose. I stepped under the spray as Carlos lathered up a shower puff and began to wash my back. His caress was gentle and when he finished my back and legs, he held the puff out to me. "Babe, since I promised to be a gentleman, I think maybe you should take care of the front." His wolf grin was firmly in place.

I appreciated his honesty and realized that he was probably right. I quickly soaped up and stepped back into the spray to rinse off. Carlos then helped me wet my hair under the warm water and proceeded to wash my hair while giving me the best scalp massage I'd ever had. When he finished, he gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and stepped out of the shower; leaving me to finish rinsing my hair. I caught a glimpse of him, and noticed that he almost kept his promise of being a gentleman, and I felt sure that his early departure from the shower was meant to give him a few minutes to gather control of himself before I exited the shower.

I hurriedly finished my shower and stepped out to finish getting ready for the day. When I finished, I met Carlos in the kitchen and we had a quick breakfast together before we headed down to 5.

When we stepped off of the elevator, Carlos held my hand a moment longer than usual. I looked up at him in surprise and he pulled me to him for a quick kiss. I smiled and cupped his jaw line in my hand. "What was that for Batman?"

"Just to wish you a good day at the office, Babe. Remember, you're only cleared for half days. Let me know when you're ready to go back upstairs, and maybe we can have lunch together."

"Will do, Boss."

He raised an eyebrow at my sassiness, and then turned to go to his office. I made my way to my cubicle and was greeted with a round of 'hello's' and 'good mornings' from the morning shift that was beginning to arrive.

Lester walked by and did a double take when he realized I was sitting in my cubicle. He quickly pulled me into a friendly hug. "Beautiful! I've missed you!" I returned his hug, and was glad to see that he wasn't being stand-off-ish. Normally, Lester would be full of some smart comment or flirtatious affection. But his genuine hug was nice. I had worried that things might be awkward when I returned to work.

I passed the time waiting on my computer to boot up by talking with Lester. He filled me in on a date that he had went on over the weekend, and I playfully smacked his arm as he recanted the story of how he had to do some evasive maneuvers and quick talking when he realized that one of his previous dates was their waitress for the evening.

"Les, you're such a gigolo."

"True, Beautiful. But you love me all the same!"

I started in on the overflowing amount of searches in my inbox, and quickly worked through about a third of them. I prioritized them by importance, and briefly wondered who had been doing the searches while I had been out.

My morning was interrupted several times by Merry Men stopping by to say hello. Several said that they missed me, but no one spoke of the reason I had been out. Thankfully, there were no looks of pity. I don't think I could have made it through the morning if there had been. I felt sure that most of the guys had helped assault Joe in one way or another. Since I felt certain that Tank, Lester, Bobby, and Carlos would never betray my trust, I was sure that none of them knew the details surrounding the vengeance except that I had been hurt in some way. I'm sure most of them had pieced the story together by reading the newspaper stories surrounding Joe's arrest, but thankfully, no one said anything.

Carlos arrived exactly four hours after my arrival to remind me that my time was done for the day. I was surprised that he hadn't come by to check on me several times throughout the morning, but I felt sure that he had received regular reports or instant messages on his computer or cell phone as the other Merry Men walked by.

I think I surprised him when I jokingly asked about it. "So, how many text messages did you get from the Merry Men this morning about me?"

He was silent for too long before replying "Babe".

I laughed and gave him my best Burg glare as he tried to maintain the patented blank face. Finally, he relented. "Ok, Babe. You're right. I might have gotten a few texts and instant messages saying that you looked good and that it was great to have you back."

As we stepped into the elevator I figured I'd go for broke. I smiled as I got in one last quip. "Well, did you actually get any work done today? Or did you spend all of your time answer texts and watching me on the office cameras?"

"You think you know me so well, huh?"

"Go ahead and try to deny it. Can you honestly say you didn't check on me at least four times today?"

"I cannot tell a lie."

I gave him a genuine smile and pulled him to me in our usual elevator pose. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my temple. "I don't mind Carlos. In fact, I appreciate your checking on me. But it was nice to get back to work today. I feel almost energized. In fact, I feel like I could finish my shift after lunch."

"Not so fast Steph. I know you're glad to get back to work. And the guys _are_ right. You are looking like you feel much better. But I don't want you to overdo it. How about we talk to Rebecca next week, and if she agrees that you're ready, then we'll work on easing you back into full time work after that. Does that sound ok?"

I blew out a sigh. I knew I was pushing things, and I honestly had no hope of him agreeing to my working full time already. But you can't blame a girl for trying. I nodded my agreement as we stepped into the apartment.

We enjoyed a filling lunch together and as I put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, Carlos kissed me and told me he'd see me around 5. "Babe, get some rest. Do you still feel up to going to your parents tonight? If not, I can call and cancel for us."

"We might as well get it over with. I'll only continue to dread it until we do."

"Babe, things won't be as bad as you think. I promise. Remember what Rebecca said. If things get too bad with your mom, you let me know. And I'll handle it. Worst case, we leave and your dad and grandma can come here to visit. They're welcome here anytime."

"Carlos, you might not want to tell Grandma that. She'll be here daily! You'd go broke paying hazard pay to the Merry Men."

"You've got a point. Let's keep it between me and you!"

I kissed Carlos goodbye and he headed back to work as I lounged on the couch. I wasn't cut out to be a couch potato, and had a hard time settling my thoughts down enough to actually rest. I rarely had this much free time, and had trouble finding something to occupy my time. Maybe that's why I was so adamant that I not turn into a typical Burg wife. If I spent too much time at home, it felt as if the walls started closing in on me.

I checked my personal email on the office computer, did some online shopping for the coming holidays, and balanced my checkbook using my online banking account. Ella kept the apartment spotless, so there was no need to clean or dust- not that I enjoyed either- but I figured it would have been a way to pass the time. I finally sat down with a couple of photo albums from my apartment and picked a few pictures of Carlos and I that I wanted to get frames for the next time I went out. Over the past few months, Carlos had started displaying more personal items to make the apartment feel like home. I thought a few pictures would add a nice, homey touch. Watch out Martha Stewart!

I never thought 5:00 would arrive, but it did and Carlos entered the apartment to find me sitting at the kitchen counter making lists.

He stood behind me and placed a tender kiss into my temple. "Babe, did you have a nice rest?"

"No."

He turned me until we were eye to eye. "Why not?"

"I'm bored. There's no way I can do this every day. You have got to let me work. I'm going to go mad."

He had the audacity to laugh, but stopped immediately when he saw my glare. "Steph, you've got to take it easy. You've been through a lot."

I relented. "I know Carlos. It's just that I'm not used to all this down time. I'm even making lists about things I want to do once I go back to work full time. I'm becoming organized with all this time on my hands! Me! Organized! _Imagine_!"

We laughed together and walked with his arm around my waist into the bedroom to change for dinner at my parents. I selected a pair of gray slacks and paired it with a cobalt blue sweater. After touching up my makeup and spritzing on a bit of perfume, I slid my feet into a pair of heeled boots and was ready to go. Carlos chose a pair of black slacks and a button up charcoal gray shirt. He looked good regardless of what he wore, but tonight he looked especially handsome. He had tied his hair back with a leather tie, and a single diamond stud (that probably cost more than I make in a month) was in his ear. Yum!

We made our way to the garage and Carlos beeped open the locks to the Porsche and settled me inside. He walked around the car and after buckling himself in, we pulled out of the garage and made our way to my parent's house.

We arrived with five minutes to spare. Instead of getting out of the car immediately, Carlos held my hand for a few quiet moments. "Babe, remember that you're an adult. If you don't like something your mom says, we can leave. Remember that you didn't do anything wrong. Don't let her make you feel otherwise. You were the victim in all of this."

I nodded my agreement and took a few calming breaths. Carlos exited the car and came around to open my door. He gave me his hand, which I took, and he led me to my parents' house with his arm around my waist.

I was surprised to see that neither Mom or Grandma were waiting at the door, and it felt odd to actually knock on the door of my childhood home. I couldn't think of a time when my Mom or Grandma hadn't met me at the door.

Dad met us at the door and immediately pulled me into a tight hug. "Pumpkin, it's so good to see you. I've missed seeing your pretty face. How are you feeling?"

Dad was never an emotional person, and rarely showed affection, so his hug caught me off guard. My eyes immediately filled with unshed tears as I repeated the mantra silently in my head 'I will not cry! I will not cry! I will not cry!'

I managed to finally speak. "I've missed you too, Dad. I'm doing okay, really."

Dad shook hands with Carlos, and I asked where Mom was.

"She's putting the finishing touches on dinner. Your Grandma is in the kitchen with her. Go ahead and have a seat at the table and I'll let them know you're here."

Normally, my mother would have summoned me to the kitchen to help bring the food out. During this time, she would also get her digs in, chipping away at my choices in life like bark off of a tree. I wasn't used to these family dynamics and it was unsettling. I felt like I was waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Dad went to the kitchen and returned, and offered Carlos and I a drink to go along with dinner. He poured us each a glass of wine, and sat down. Grandma came out of the kitchen, carrying a platter of grilled chicken, and immediately came to hug me.

"Baby girl I've missed seeing you! You're looking good, Steph. How are you?"

Now I knew something was up! Usually the first thing Grandma did was to try to get her hands on Carlos. Of course, it probably helped that he was already sitting down, but maybe Dad had threatened her with the nursing home again.

Finally, Mom came into the dining room carrying the rest of the meal. "Stephanie, Carlos, it's good to see you both. I hope you're hungry. I made plenty."

Ah! Now I see! My Mom was living in the land of denial. If she wanted to play that game, I could too. I guess I learned from the best.

Dinner was actually nice, and Carlos and my dad talked about the military. Turns out my dad was stationed at one of the bases that Carlos was, and they talked of a few mutual acquaintances. Grandma filled me in on the latest viewings and her new boyfriend. She'd met him at Bingo and they had been dating a couple of weeks.

Mom was pleasant enough but subdued. I wasn't sure if she'd been threatened by my dad or if she was already on her way to be snockered. When dinner was over, I helped clear the dishes and made my way to the kitchen.

"Thanks for dinner, Mom. It was really nice of you to fix Carlos' favorites."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it Stephanie."

Uh oh. My full name used in a short sentence! Now I was 99.9% certain that Dad had threatened her behavior tonight. While I appreciated his concern, I just wanted to get the confrontation over with.

"Mom, are you okay? You seem…well…not yourself."

"I'm fine Stephanie. I guess I _should_ ask how are you feeling?"

I wanted to scream. How am I feeling? _How am I feeling?_ I was brutally raped and attacked by my ex boyfriend that _she_ pushed me to be with and _now_ she wants to know _how I'm feeling? _She wasn't too concerned after it happened. And she sure as heck hadn't called to check on me!

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I didn't appreciate her tone, nor did I like her condescending words. "Mother, I'm doing okay. _Thanks for asking!"_

My last comment held some attitude in it, I'm sure. But I didn't care.

"No need to get testy Stephanie. I was just asking how you were. Your dad told me about what happened, although I feel sure that he exaggerated it a bit. I can't imagine Joseph doing any of he's accused of, but what do I know?"

Mother's tone didn't vary. It was almost syrupy sweet. But the underlying message in her words chilled me to the bone. To think that she would take Joe's side over her own daughter infuriated me.

"Mom, your precious Joe doesn't deny what he did! Newsflash! He's pleading guilty! Or has that tidbit of information not made its' way through the gossip channels to you yet? Furthermore, I don't know what Daddy told you! But Joe brutally raped and assaulted me until I almost died. I had to have emergency surgery and stayed in the hospital for days! I've been home for weeks and have you called even one time to check on me? To see if I was alive? No! And you call yourself a mother? I care more about Rex than you do me! Admit it!"

By this time my temper was flaring and my voice had grown loud. "Stephanie, calm down and quiet your voice. Everyone will hear you and what will the neighbors think?"

"They'll think that you're the bitch of a mother that doesn't give a shit about her daughter. They'll know what kind of person you really are. The kind of person that doesn't accept anyone who is different than you. You are so self centered that you can't see that not everyone is cut out to be the mirror image of you! Tonight I've finally realized that I'm thankful that I'm nothing like you! And to think that I've always been scared of having children because I was scared to death that I'd have to turn in to you. I finally see that what you possess isn't _true_ motherly love. It's _conditional_ love. You only love me if I do what you want. Well, no more Mother. That's not true love. I'm an adult and I won't stand by and let you control my life anymore! If you can't accept me as I am, and believe that I did nothing to provoke Joe's attack, then we have nothing else to say to each other."

"Honestly, Stephanie. Get a hold of yourself! Surely you did something to make Joe get a little rough with you. You know, it might do you good to not fight him on these things so much! Men have needs, you know."

I inhaled sharply, but before I could retaliate Carlos, Daddy, and Grandma were at my side. Carlos put his arm around my waist and spoke firm and loud.

"Helen, I will not have you disrespecting Stephanie like that. She is the victim and did nothing to provoke the attack. I have Joe Morelli's taped confession in my office if you would like to see it. A real man wouldn't have done what he did to Stephanie, regardless of the situation. As you know, Stephanie and I have been together for over six months now. During that time, I've tolerated your interfering in her life to keep the peace. But no more. Neither I, nor Stephanie, will step foot back in this house as long as you keep this attitude. I made the mistake of sending Stephanie back to Morelli once. I won't make that mistake with her where you're concerned. I won't allow you to hurt what's most precious to me. She deserves far better than you for a mother."

And with that, Carlos turned me and led me to the door. Daddy helped me into my coat, and Grandma kissed my cheek. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes, but I held them back with the anger that was simmering inside me. Carlos told Daddy and Grandma that they were welcome anytime at our apartment, and Daddy promised to call and check on me later that evening after he "dealt" with Mom. I left my childhood home that day for probably the last time. But as I walked down the steps, safely tucked to Carlos' side, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from me. No longer did I have to worry and fret over what my mother thought about my life. I didn't have to worry any longer about being the source of constant disappointment in her eyes. In a way, it was liberating. In the short time span of one family dinner, I had given myself permission to be my own person.


	18. Chapter 18

Notes & Disclaimers:  
Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. I know this is a long chapter, but I couldn't find a cutting off point. Hopefully, you'll enjoy anyway.

_**Previously:**_

_**And with that, Carlos turned me and led me to the door. Daddy helped me into my coat, and Grandma kissed my cheek. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes, but I held them back with the anger that was simmering inside me. Carlos told Daddy and Grandma that they were welcome anytime at our apartment and Daddy promised to call and check on me later that evening after he "dealt" with Mom. I left my childhood home that day for probably the last time. But as I walked down the steps, safely tucked to Carlos' side, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from me. No longer did I have to worry and fret over what my mother thought about my life. I didn't have to worry any longer about being the source of constant disappointment in her eyes. In a way, it was liberating. In the short time span of one family dinner, I had given myself permission to be my own person.**_

… … … … …

You would think that my showdown with my mother would have spun me off on an emotional breakdown, but I found myself feeling strangely at peace during the ride home.

Carlos held my hand tenderly, as he always did, and occasionally stroked calming circles on the top of it as it rested on his muscular leg. I let it lay there, soaking in the attention that he was lavishing, as he tried to acquire his usual zone. I let my thoughts stray as we drove quietly from the Burg. I had always done my best to turn from this part of the world that I grew up in. In some ways it was deeply knitted within me, and yet, in other ways it was as foreign to me as the sands of the Mojave Desert. The Burg was a place where people married, had families, cooked 6pm dinners, and worked normal jobs. Children grew up to repeat the same process. Like a never ending song with the same chorus- refrain after refrain after refrain. A broken record if you will.

The peace that I had found tonight came with a loud and resounding reverberation within my soul. Like a clanging cymbal. Why had I never listened to it before? Why did I always think my choices were limited? Why did I walk the path for so long that others had chosen for me? Why had I feared the path that I was born into? Why had I never given myself permission to be me? The person that God himself intended me to be when he set the Heavens in the sky.

The ride home that night was sort of a rebirth for me- an emotional cleansing if you will. I let all of the anxiety from my life fade away as our car wound the narrow streets toward my new home and to my new life. I wasn't sad for me. I was sad for my mother. I pitied her for all of her foolish thoughts and ways and for the part of me that she would never know. I pitied her for never realizing the person that I was that she chose to ignore for so long. For too long I tried to please my mother and never succeeded. The reality of the situation is that nothing would have ever pleased her. It was an unobtainable goal. Thankfully, I realized that before it was too late.

As we neared the streets of Haywood, I glanced at Carlos. One hand was strongly gripping the steering wheel while the other continued to hold my hand. But I could tell that he wasn't in his usual zone. Fine lines of anger were present around his eyes. His lips were set and I could feel the buzz of his emotions simmering just below the surface. He was a man on edge and I knew that it wouldn't take much to make the dam break.

"Carlos, are you ok? You seem angry."

He hesitated a moment but finally spoke in a low, menacing tone. "Stephanie, of course I'm angry. I should have never let her get you in the kitchen by yourself. After all you've been through, and she tore into you like that? How could she? I just don't understand how a mother could…"

I interrupted. "Carlos, it's okay. Really. Don't let yourself get so worked up over her. It's over now. And I don't plan on going back. She's made her decision, and remarkably, I'm glad that it's over. I've always tried to live up to her expectations and do what she wanted me to do. But in the process I forgot to live up to my own expectations. I lost sight of what _I_ wanted. If I hadn't let her have such control over my life, maybe I would have cut ties with Joe long ago. And then, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be sitting in a jail cell right now. And I wouldn't…well let's just say maybe things would have been different. But I can't turn back time. Tonight is going to be the start of the new me. I realized tonight that I can be my _own_ person. And if that person isn't what my mother expects or approves of, then _that's ok_. I don't ever think I've given myself permission to do what I want to do without all of the guilt that she instilled in me.

Carlos looked at me like a fish out of water. He shook his head slightly, which in his terms equated to a full, exasperated sigh. As he parked the car in his usual parking space, he turned to me. He took both of my hands and looked deeply into my eyes…searching for an answer. I wasn't sure to what question, but thankfully, he relieved me of my wonder.

"And what is that Steph? What do _you_ want?"

I smiled and kissed the knuckles of one of his hands. "I want to be happy. With you. I want to build a life with you that makes us both happy. I don't want to worry about what everyone else sees, or thinks, or does. I just want to live our lives to please each other."

"Babe, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard come out of your lips. Even after the scene your mother caused, you're strong. You never cease to amaze me."

"I realized tonight that I can't change her. It's time I stop trying. It's exhausting, and in reality, she doesn't truly _want_ to be happy. She thrives on bringing everyone else down. I can't live like that. And I won't allow any future generations that have anything to do with me live like that. I'm ending the cycle. I'm not sure what happened to make mom the way she is. But I don't have to be a part of it. I don't have to be like her. I can just be me."

"I'm so proud of you, Babe. So very, very proud of you."

And with that statement, Carlos pulled me to him gently and kissed me. It started off as a sweet kiss, but I quickly deepened it. Within a few minutes, we had the windows fogged up. Reluctantly, Carlos pulled away from me and took a deep breath. "Babe, as much as I'd love to continue this, I'm sure that the guys in the control room are already placing bets on how long we're going to sit here. We better get up to the apartment before they come down to take pictures."

Carlos opened his door and came around to help me out of the car. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips, and then held his hand to my back as we made our way to the elevators. As we stepped off the elevator, and into the foyer, Carlos pulled his keys from his pocket. His demeanor was much more relaxed now, and I hoped that he would forget about the drama that my mother had caused.

Carlos led me to the couch and I sat down. He went to the kitchen and poured us both a glass of wine, and then joined me on the couch. He picked up the remote and instantly a soft jazz song filled the silence. We sat there, in silence, drinking the wine and allowing the music to wash over us. Carlos held me and I realized that I finally knew the true meaning of home.

… … ….. …..

The next several weeks' appointments with Rebecca went remarkably well. We talked about my mother, and her reaction to the news about Joe. Rebecca suggested that my mother really needed counseling as well, but I digress. Rebecca was really proud of me concerning my reaction to my mother. And to be honest, I was as well. Carlos, as always, was my Rock of Gibraltar. He always went to the sessions with me and it had become a time that we almost looked forward to. It was a time that we spent together. We were totally "offline" together. No one ever dared to interrupt Carlos while we were at a counseling session, and he always made time to take me to lunch afterwards. It made me feel loved and respected. And important. Carlos never complained about how long it took, or that he was too busy. And I never had to remind him. He made it a point to schedule time for us to go together.

My nightmares were getting better, although they weren't totally gone. They hadn't been coming as frequently as they once were, but I still was awakened by them occasionally. Carlos did his best to make sure that he was with me as much as possible when I went to sleep- even if it meant he had to get up later to finish work in the office. I had tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn't hear of it.

Carlos never told me that he had put off work to be with me, but I woke up during the night a few nights ago and found him in his office, steadily working while he thought I was asleep. I noticed a blue and white walkie talkie device sitting on his desk while he worked. I quietly padded into the room, and slipped onto Carlos' lap while he worked.

"What time is it Carlos? I thought you came to bed hours ago."

"Babe, it's a little after 2am. I got up after you fell asleep to finish this contract estimate. Tank hates doing them and we promised the quote to the customer by tomorrow."

"Oh. I see. What's that, Carlos?"

"Hmmm?"

"On your desk. The blue and white thing that looks like a walkie talkie. Is that some kind of new equipment you're trying out?"

He laughed slightly as he pushed away from the desk with me in his lap. "Babe, it's a baby monitor."

I quirked my head to one side looking perplexed. "Why do you have a baby monitor?"

"So that I can hear you if you have a nightmare. Normally, I can hear you if you so much as turn over. You must have slipped out of the bed in stealth mode. I didn't know you were up until you came in."

"How long have you been using a baby monitor to listen to me sleep?"

"Since I found out that you sleep better when I lie down with you and hold you until you go to sleep."

"Carlos, I know you want to be there for me. But that's kinda going overboard. I feel like …a burden. Like a child. If you have work to do, you don't have to put it aside for me."

He pulled me to him and held me close. "Stephanie, listen to me. You are the most important thing to me. Work comes second. Always. Don't forget that. There's nothing wrong with needing to feel safe. And if this is what it takes to help you beat this nightmares, then it's a small price to pay. Besides, it's a cool toy. It's a top of the line baby monitor. We can always use it later."

"For what?"

"Our kids!"

I was speechless! Carlos and I had never discussed having children, but I had to admit that a small part of me wondered what our children would look like. Would they have tanned skin like him? Would they have wild hair like me? Would they have his calm demeanor or my wild sense of abandonment? Did I even want kids? And what about his no kids policy? You know, 'my life doesn't come with a ring, but a condom might come in handy'?

I didn't realize that I hadn't spoken in reply to his comment. Carlos took his fingers and gently tilted my head up so that I was looking at him eye to eye.

"Hey, where did you go all of a sudden? You looked like you were miles away, Babe. I didn't mean to upset you. I know we've never talked about it, and if you decide you don't want kids, then that's fine with me. I know we've never talked about it before. Please don't be upset."

I took a deep breath. Did I really want children? Yes, a small part of me did I suppose. I had always been scared when Joe brought up the topic, because he had assumed I would change my lifestyle to accommodate his hopes and dreams. Carlos had a way of helping me live my life so that my hopes and dreams were included. A compromise if you will. Give and take. That's what was missing in all of my previous relationships. I did all of the giving, and everyone else did all of the taking. But things were really different with Carlos. We were equals in the relationship.

I took a deep breath and looked up into Carlos' deep brown eyes. "Carlos, we've never discussed it. But do _you_ want more children?"

"Babe, I want whatever you want. I have Julie, and I'm glad that I've gotten a chance to get to know her. And she loves you as well. But someday, if you agree, I'd love to have another child. With you. I'd love to make another life with you. And see you growing round with my child. But if you decide that you don't want children, then we won't. It's not a deal breaker for me. As long as I have you, that's all that matters. Besides, we've got plenty of time to decide. For now, I'm happy to have you with me- lying in my arms each night. I'm truly blessed beyond what I deserve, Babe."

"Carlos, I love you. Thank you for giving me time to heal. And time to think about things. I was always scared of having kids with Joe. I guess because he wanted me to give up my life to fulfill his dreams and desires. But when we talk about the future, I'm not scared. In a way, it's comforting. To know that what we have is real, and honest, and trustworthy."

"Babe, you can always trust me. I'll always be here for you. "

Carlos shut down his computer and we went to bed together. We kissed and cuddled until I had worked myself up into a hormonal frenzy. Carlos was gentle with me, and let me guide how we kissed and how close we were. I felt no pressure from him to do anything other than what I was ready to do. In many ways, our nightly make out sessions had mirrored our relationship. Carlos never pressured me to do anything. Yet he was always there to support and offer encouragement, love, and affection.

I finally pulled back from a steamy kiss and ran my hands up his abs and towards his chest. "Carlos, I think we better go to sleep. If I keep this up, I don't know that I'll be able to stop, and I'm not sure I'm ready…yet."

Carlos gave me a sweet kiss to my temple, and then another to my lips. He kissed me softly and tenderly. "I understand Babe. There's no hurry. You tell me when you're ready. Until then, you lead the way. I love you Babe."

And with that we made our way into the bedroom and he pulled me into our nightly sleeping position. He held me close to him and I rested my head on his shoulder. His arms came around to hold me secure, and his hands traced soothing circles on my back. I looked forward to this part of the day every day. Being in his arms made me feel like all of the world was right.

Lying there I couldn't help but think about what Carlos had said. He had given me the reins to take the lead where our intimacy was concerned. And to be honest, I was driving myself crazy each time I kissed him and touched him. Was I ready for more? What if we started getting intimate and I freaked out and couldn't go through with it? I'd be mortified! Would Carlos understand? Or would he see me as damaged goods? Would he be supportive if I couldn't actually go through with our lovemaking? How would I know if I was ready? What if I had a flashback? God, why does it have to be so difficult? It's like my brain is telling me one thing but my body is saying something totally different? In my heart I know that Carlos loves me. And he has proven it time and time again. But why does it feel like I'm damaged? He deserves better right? Why would he want someone like me that can't even make love to him? No! That's my insecurity talking, right? Carlos _does_ love me, right? He's said so. And he told me to take all the time in the world to figure things out. But do I want more time? Am I ready? _Geez_ I don't know. I need to talk to someone about this. It's so hard to figure out!

The next day I awoke to the smell of coffee and freshly showered Carlos. Double yum. As I stretched, I remembered that I had a session with Rebecca today. All of my thoughts and feelings from last night started to resurface in my brain. Maybe Rebecca could shed some light on the situation. That's what she's there for, right?

Carlos came into the bedroom wearing his cargos and a tight black shirt. I could smell the aroma of his shower gel as he neared the bed and it sent shivers up my spine- in a good way. A very, very good way.

He handed over the coffee and sat down beside me. I took a long sip of the steaming goodness as he kissed me sweetly.

"Good morning Babe. Did you rest well?"

"Mmmmm. I did. Another night without nightmares is a good night. Plus, I woke up to find my handsome boyfriend brining me coffee in bed. It doesn't get much better!"

He kissed me again and pulled me into a hug. "Babe, it's almost 8 and your appointment with Rebecca is at 9:30 this morning. She was booked up for all of the lunch time appointments. If you want to shower, I'll have Ella bring some breakfast for us and then we'll be on our way."

"Ok. Well, umm…." I hesitated for a moment. If Carlos went with me, then I'd probably chicken out on talking to Rebecca about my intimacy concerns. How did I explain this without hurting his feelings? And without making him feel like I didn't want him there? When in reality, I did. Just not for this one particular session!

"Babe, is everything ok? Something wrong?"

"No…not wrong. It's just that…well, I was thinking."

"Yes. Go on…"

"I was thinking that maybe for today, and only today, I'd like to go to my therapy session alone."

"Babe, is something wrong? You know you can tell me anything. Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?"

"NO! I mean no. Not at all Carlos! You've been wonderful. Perfect, actually. It's just that I want to talk to Rebecca about something without an audience. I promise nothing is wrong. In fact, it's just the opposite. But I'd really be more comfortable doing it alone. If you don't mind. But can you maybe go with me to my next appointment? It's not that I don't _want_ you to go…I just _need_ to go to this one alone. Okay?"

Carlos held my hand and looked into my eyes for a moment. I think he was searching to see if I was telling him the truth. I guess he must have found the answer he was looking for. He pulled me to him once more and kissed me gently.

"Babe, of course. As I've said before, just let me know when you want me there. I understand if you need time and space. And it's ok if there are some things you'd rather me not hear. I understand. But I would like for you to take a driver with you. You can pick any of the guys on duty. Or I can take you and wait in the waiting room. It's your choice. It's just that you haven't been out alone yet, and until the hearing for Morelli is over, I'd prefer if you had someone with you. If that's okay with you."

Honestly, I hadn't even thought about driving myself. While I felt that I was definitely making progress, I hadn't ventured outside of Rangeman without someone with me. And I wasn't sure I was ready to yet. I liked having someone with me. It made me feel secure. And to be honest, I was still a little jumpy with loud noises and strangers. I'd love to go by the mall and get something for whenever "it" happened again with Carlos. But if he went with me, then he'd see what I bought. Maybe if Lester was available, he'd take me. And he wouldn't complain too much about having to go to the mall.

"Is it okay if I take Lester? I have a few things I'd like to pick up at the mall, if he doesn't mind."

"Babe, I'm sure Santos will do whatever you ask. Honestly, the men would bend over backwards for you. I'm not sure where I lost control of them and turned it over to you." This was said with a smile and a half hearted chuckle.

"Carlos, they'll do anything for donuts. I sneak forbidden food in to them. It's like Merry Men currency!"

"Babe, that stuff will kill ya!"

I got up and got ready for the day and Carlos and I ate breakfast together. Ella's cooking was orgasmic, as always, but I still hadn't gotten my appetite back fully. Plus I was nervous about the upcoming session with Rebecca. Carlos must have sensed my anxiety.

"Babe, are you okay? You've hardly touched your breakfast. Are you feeling alright?"

"Hmmm? Oh! Yes. I'm fine. I'm just not that hungry. "

I was saved by a knock on the door. Carlos went to answer the door and Lester entered with his goofy smile on his face. "Your chauffeur has arrived. Where to Mi Lady?"

I took a final sip of coffee and put the dishes in the sink. I gave Lester a quick hug. "Lester, you big goof. Looks like you drew the short straw. Do you mind taking me for my appointment today? And running a few errands?"

"Not at all Steph. Besides, it was my scheduled day for monitor duty. Because you saved me, I'll even treat for lunch. That is, if you're up to it."

Carlos came over and hugged me. "Babe, here's your cell phone. Call me if you need anything. I'll be in the office for most of the day catching up on paperwork. "

I kissed him and ran my hands around to his back. "I love you Carlos. I'll be home in a little while."

Carlos glanced at Lester as we were leaving. I'm sure there was some ESP communication going on between the two. I wasn't sure what it meant, but Lester seemed to comprehend. As we were leaving the apartment he looked back to Carlos and said "I'll keep her safe Boss. I promise."

Lester and I arrived at the office and I signed myself in. We made small talk, and my name was called back quickly. As I entered the room, Rebecca stood up to welcome me.

"Hello Stephanie. How have you been? Will Carlos be joining us today?"

"I'm doing good thanks. Umm…no. Carlos won't be with me today. I decided to come alone. If that's okay."

Rebecca motioned for me to take a seat and she did likewise. "Of course it is Stephanie. This is your time. It's totally up to you. May I ask what made you decide to come alone? I know that Carlos has provided a great deal of support to you during your sessions. Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes. Everything's fine. I just needed to talk to you about something and I didn't really want him to hear me. Not that I think he wouldn't approve. It's just that…well…it's kinda awkward to talk about."

Rebecca smiled and offered me some water. Something about her personality automatically put you at ease and made you want to spill your guts to her. I guess she had truly found her calling in life.

"Okay Stephanie. Why don't you tell me about what you'd like to discuss. You know you can talk about anything at all. What seems to be on your mind?"

"Well, it's just that after the attack, I was really worried about how Carlos would react to me. Joe told me that he would never want me again. And that I was damaged. I almost believed him."

"Stephanie, you did nothing to provoke the attack. And you're not damaged in any way, shape, or form. Carlos loves you. You have to trust and believe what he says. Hasn't his actions proven his love for you?"

"Yes, they have. And that's why I need to talk to you. My hormones are driving me insane. I mean, have you seen Carlos? He's like sex on a stick! He's been nothing but attentive and loving. And before you ask, he hasn't pressured me in any way at all. But I think I'm ready for the next step. I think that…well, I hope that…"

"Go ahead Stephanie. It's okay. Just take your time."

"I want to make love to him. I think I'm ready. It's been a while since the attack, and I miss that part of our relationship. I don't want to miss out on anything else. Joe has taken enough away from me. I don't want to lose that part of me. The sensual part of me that loves Carlos and is able to make love to him. I miss that. But part of me wonders am I doing the right thing. I mean, it's not like there's a guidebook about how to handle your love life after you've been raped. There's nothing that says 'wait this long until you kiss a man again', or 'wait this long until you have sex again and you'll be fine'."

I glanced up at Rebecca and instead of condemnation or disgust, as I thought I might see, I saw understanding and compassion. I smiled at her nervously.

"Stephanie you're right. There is no guidebook. And even if there were, I'd tell you not to read it. Everyone is different. For some people they need that intimacy sooner rather than later. And for others, it takes months or years to be able to participate in lovemaking again. Whatever feels right for you is what matters. You're lucky in that you have a caring and compassionate partner. I really believe Carlos wants what is best for you. And you said he hasn't pressured you. So from this, I assume that you have thought about things and are ready for the next step. As I said in our first meeting, trust your instincts. If your body and heart are telling you it's time, then I see no problem. Tell me, what are you concerns?"

"Rebecca, I'm scared. What if I have a flashback? Or what if we get started and I can't finish it? Or I need to stop? Or I panic? My dreams are finally getting better, but what if I freak out on Carlos? He'd think I was crazy and he probably would never forgive me for ruining things!"

"Stephanie, do you really think that's how Carlos would react?"

I thought for a minute. "Well, no. I suppose not."

"Has anything he's ever done given you the indication that he would react that way?

"Well, no I guess not. Now that I think about it. Carlos has never done anything to make me doubt him."

"Exactly. Joe did things throughout your entire life to make you not trust him. But Carlos has earned your trust, yes?"

"Yes."

"And your body is telling you that you are ready, yes?"

"Yes."

"Good. I think you've answered your own questions. Whenever the time is right, I think you're ready to take the first step. If you're ready. Just take your time. Don't be nervous. Just let things play out as they will. But I do have some suggestions to lessen the chance that you'll 'freak out' as you say."

We both laughed slightly and I realized that I finally felt at ease talking about this. While it was hard to begin with, it was important enough to me to make the effort. Carlos was important enough. I wanted this for us. I wanted this for me.

Rebecca continued. "Some people find it helpful to keep some sort of light on during lovemaking. Maybe a lamp or a nightlight. And keep your eyes open. If you find that you are panicking, make sure you are looking at Carlos and seeing that he is the one with you. It is him that is pleasuring you. Give yourself permission to enjoy it. You're not damaged goods, and what has happened to you in the past does not negate your right to enjoy a healthy sex life and to be pleasured. No matter what Joe told you, Carlos does want you. He's demonstrated that, and told you that right?"

I nodded.

"And finally Stephanie, it might be a good idea to talk to Carlos. Let him know your fears. That way, he can reassure you and be prepared if something does happen. The first time you are together may not pan out. You may need to stop and give it some more time. But talk to him. Communicate with him. Communication is the basis for everything that goes good or bad in any relationship."

"I understand Rebecca. Thank you for the suggestions. I guess I'll go home and talk with Carlos. I just needed another person's viewpoint, 'ya know?"

"I understand Steph. And trust me. The feelings that you are having are perfectly normal. You'd be surprised how many people just aren't sure how to be intimate again after an attack like you experienced. But you're doing remarkable. Don't forget that. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not. You're right on track for where you are supposed to be. Only you know how long it will take to heal. Listen to your body and your mind. Don't push yourself."

I hugged Rebecca and thanked her again. She gave me some really good ideas and encouragement and I left the office feeling much more confident about my concerns.

As I entered the waiting room, I found Lester flirting with the receptionist. I made my appointment for the next therapy session, and as I turned to leave, I caught the receptionist slipping Lester an appointment card out of the corner of my eye.

Lester opened the car door for me, and as I buckled in, he slid behind the steering wheel. "So Beautiful. Everything go okay?"

"Yep. Sure did. You needing therapy too, Les?"

"Huh? What?"

"That appointment card you slid into your back pocket? Do I need to see if we can get a two-for-one discount next time? Maybe we could carpool!"

Lester reached out to tousle my curls. "Beautiful, if I play my cards right, I'm hoping that the receptionist in there will give me lots of hands on therapy!"

"Lester, you're such a man whore!"

"Indeed, Beautiful, indeed! But you love me anyway!"

I laughed. And I realized that it felt really good to laugh again. "Yea, I guess I do, Les. I guess I do."

"Where to next?"

"The mall, of course!"

"Now why did I even have to ask?"

Lester pulled out into traffic and headed towards the mall. The parking karma was on Lesters' side today, since we got a front row spot in front of Macys. As we made our way towards the entrance, I was deep in conversation with Lester. He was telling me about his date last weekend and how she ended up being the sister to a girl he had been out with a few months ago. As we were walking towards the entrance, a man walking out of the store had his arms full of bags and accidentally crashed into me and his bags went tumbling to the ground. I immediately let out a startled yelp and panicked. Lester helped the poor guy pick up his purchases as I stood there panicked and still. I clutched my shirt at my chest and realized that my breathing was not coming at it's normal rate, and if I didn't do something soon I was going to pass out.

The stranger thanked Lester and apologized to me again, but I could barely hear it for the sound of my heartbeat in my ears. Lester immediately noticed my panicked state and pulled me to him quickly.

"Beautiful, are you ok? You didn't get hurt when he crashed into you, did you?" He took my hand and led me over to one of the benches located near the entrance.

I took a few deep breaths and tried to focus my thoughts. "No. I'm ok. It's just that I haven't really been out in public much since…well…since what happened. And I guess I sorta panicked when he bumped in to me."

Lester took my hand with one of his and rubbed my back with his other hand. "Steph, it's okay. It's understandable. We'll just take things slowly and if you decide it's too much, then tell me and we'll go. No problem, okay?"

I nodded my agreement and hugged Lester quickly. I took a few more breaths and he took my hand and led me through the entrance doors.

I held onto Lesters' hand and pulled him towards the sales section. I tried to let my thoughts drift to bargains and shoes instead of the panic that I felt earlier. I finally made my way through the clearance racks and picked out a few things. I found a couple of long sleeved tops for the coming cooler weather and a nice jacket to wear with jeans and boots. As I was making my way towards the register to pay for my things, a dress caught my eye. It was a beautiful steel gray chiffon dress. The color was not something I would normally pick out at all. The top layer of chiffon was a dark, stormy gray but the underneath layers were sapphire blue satin. The chiffon allowed the color from the blue to peek through, and it created an illusion of color. At first glance the dress was gray, but after looking again, it was a darker hue. It had thin straps at the top that criss crossed in the back, leaving the majority of the back open. Small crystals were sewn here and there throughout the fabric, making it look like stars twinkling in the night sky. It was exquisite.

As I stood there staring at the dress, Lester pulled me from my thoughts. "You should try it on Beautiful. It'd look great on you. And the Boss would love it too."

I don't know if I can pull it off, Les. This dress is made for someone ….with class. It deserves to be worn somewhere special. I'm usually rolling around in garbage.

"Just humor me Steph. Try it on."

I quickly glanced at the tag and saw that it was way beyond my price range. "Lester, I can't. This dress costs almost $200. There's no way I can afford that for one dress."

"Bombshell, just try it on. Besides, look. It's on the sales rack."

"Lester, I doubt that it's really on sale. Someone probably just left it hanging here instead of putting it up where it belonged."

"Try it on, and then we'll find out."

I let out an exasperated sigh and jerked the dress off the rack. "It's probably not my size."

Lester tugged on the tag and made a big 'to do' about showing me the size on the dress. "Size 6. Your size. Try it on already."

I made my way into the dressing room as Lester held my other items to be purchased. I took my time getting out of my clothes as I continued to eye the dress.

"How's it coming in there Bombshell?"

"Just a minute, Les. Almost done."

I slid the dress over my head and turned to look in the mirror. The dress was all that I imagined it would be and more. The color made the blue in my eyes really stand out, and I could hardly believe that it was the same person looking back at me. I twirled around and watched the hem of the dress flow around my knees. The length hit barely above my knees, but was light and full of movement. It made me feel….beautiful.

My thoughts were once again interrupted by Lester. "So did it fit?"

"Umm…yea. It did actually."

"Well, let's see it!"

I opened the door and stepped out to the mirrored area of the dressing lounge. I looked up at Lester and his mouth was open, but he didn't say anything. I took that as a bad sign.

"Les, what's wrong? Does it not look okay? I thought it fit, but if you think…"

Lester interrupted in a serious tone. "Steph, you look beautiful. Elegant. I just…I'm sorry. I just lost my train of thought there for a second. That dress needs to be worn by someone that can do it justice. It's like it was made for you."

Normally Lester is full of piss and vinegar. We joke and cut up like siblings. But I could tell that he was being serious about the dress. And it made me smile. It made me feel beautiful and loved.

I smiled at him and returned a soft reply. "Thanks Lester. I don't know about doing it justice, but I do like it. It makes me feel…pretty."

"Bombshell, you _ARE_ pretty. The dress is just extra bling on an already beautiful package."

"Do you think Carlos will like it?"

"I think the Boss man will _love_ it."

"Ok. If it's on sale, then I'll get it. Otherwise it's a no go. Deal?"

"Deal."

I went back into the dressing room, and changed. I found Lester waiting on me outside the door to the dressing area and we made our way to the counter. A sales clerk reached out to take the things I'd selected and she smiled.

"I was hoping someone would buy this dress. Isn't it beautiful? It was a special order for an engagement party, but was never picked up. Since we'd already done alterations on it, we couldn't send it back. Did it fit?"

I was happily surprised. "Umm..yes. It did. It fit like it was made for me, actually."

The clerk smiled again. "The girl was about your size. The dress was actually a bit longer, and she asked us to cut off some of the length. We held it for 30 days and she never came back."

"Is the price on the tag the actual price?"

She looked at the tag and frowned. "No, not at all. I was sure I had told our floor associate to mark this one down. It's 75% off since we're trying to clear out things on the floor for the change in seasons."

I looked at Lester and smiled enthusiastically. "I'll take it!"

Lester carried my purchases and we made our way to the shoe department. I found a beautiful pair of 3 inch FMP's in silver that would compliment the dress. After purchasing them, I made my way to Victoria's Secret. Thankfully, Lester stayed near the door while I made my selections, but only after I begged and pleaded, and finally resorted to threatening to tell Carlos if he watched me pick out underwear.

I purchased a couple of bra and panty sets, some thigh highs, a midnight blue thong and strapless bra set to wear with the dress, and a pretty negligee in black. It had a push up bra top with see through fabric running down to my hips. It came with a matching see through thong that had bows on each side at the hips. It was exactly what I was looking for.

I finished up and met Lester at the door with my bag of goodies, and was met by his crooked grin and flirty eyes. "Find something the boss will like, Bombshell?"

"That's for me to know and you _not_ to find out, Les!"

He took my bags from me and led me through the mall, laughing and joking all the way.


	19. Chapter 19

Notes & Disclaimers:  
Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. I apologize for the long time since my last update.

_**Previously:**_

_I purchased a couple of bra and panty sets, some thigh highs, a midnight blue thong and strapless bra set to wear with the dress, and a pretty negligee in black. It had a push up bra top with see through fabric running down to my hips. It came with a matching see through thong that had bows on each side at the hips. It was exactly what I was looking for._

_I finished up and met Lester at the door with my bag of goodies, and was met by his crooked grin and flirty eyes. "Find something the boss will like, Bombshell?"_

_"That's for me to know and you __not__ to find out, Les!"_

_He took my bags from me and led me through the mall, laughing and joking all the way._

… … … … … …

Lester's POV:

I carried Steph's bags as I walked with her through the mall and towards the exit. I'd promised to treat her for lunch, so I put my arm around her shoulders and quickly asked what she had a taste for.

"Ummmm…how about we just get something from the food court."

"Steph, we can go anywhere you want. Are you sure you don't want something like Pinos? Or Shorty's?"

"No. Let's just get something here. Besides, we can people watch while we eat." She said with a grin.

"Ok. The food court it is." We made our way to the food area, breathing in deeply as the wonderful aromas from all of the food options clung in the air.

"Name your poison, Beautiful. What'll it be? Pizza?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Wendys?"

"Nah. Had it last week."

"Chinese?"

"Not feeling it."

" Burgers? Steak and Salad?"

"Nope. How about Chick-Fil-A?"

"Works for me. Come on, let's get in line."

We made our way to Chick-Fil-A and ordered. As we were waiting for our food, my phone rang. "Santos."

"How's Steph doing?" It was Ranger. I wondered why he was calling me instead of Stephanie, but figured he had his reasons. I turned my back to Steph and placed a finger in my ear that wasn't currently covered by my cell phone in an effort to drown out some of the food court noise.

"She's okay. Did you need to talk to…"

He interrupted. "Is she there with you?"

"Affirmative. Of course."

"Listen, I just wanted to check on her. I don't want her to think I'm checking up on her. But I was …well, I was just worried. This was her first appointment without me accompanying her. I just wanted to know how she did."

"Hold on a sec." I got Steph's attention and told her I was going to grab us a table while she waited on our order since the area was filling up fast. I took her shopping bags with me and found a table in direct sight of her not too far away. "Okay, Boss. Now I can talk."

"Where's Stephanie? You're staying close, aren't you?"

Geez! Did he think I was a newbie? "Of course I am. I am sitting here looking at her. She's waiting on our food at the food court, so you've only got a minute. If you don't want her to think you're checking up on her, then you probably need to talk fast, or else she'll know it's you on the phone when she gets here. So what's up Boss? Why didn't you call her instead of me?"

"Lester, I just wanted to check on her. I wanted to give her the freedom to spread her wings a little without me hovering. Did she say how the appointment went? Could you tell?"

"No. She didn't say, but when she came out she wasn't upset or anything. No tears, if that's what you're asking."

Ranger let out a quick sigh. "Good. That's good."

"She's done really well. Except for…" I didn't get the words out fast enough before Ranger was interrupting again.

"Except for what Santos? What happened?"

"Chill dude! Just a minor mishap. Some dude bumped in to her on our way into the mall. She freaked for a minute and got a little upset. But we sat down on the benches outside until she felt better and more in control. I didn't realize what a number her attack had done on her. She said she's still not real comfortable out in public. But she's done really well today. She's gotten a few things at the stores. You know Steph. Shopping always cheers her up."

"But she's okay, right. She didn't get hurt or anything? And there's nothing you're not telling me?"

"Boss, you know me better than that. She's fine. I'm beginning to be more worried about you."

"Santos!"

"Sorry, Boss. It's just that you're normally not this worried."

"Lester, where Stephanie is concerned, I worry. Her therapy appointments have been going really well, and I was just afraid that she was having some issues that I'm not aware of besides the nightmares."

"Nightmares?"

"Yea. They've been pretty bad. But it's getting better."

I saw Stephanie with our food as she stopped at the condiment counter to load up on ketchup and mayo packets. "We're almost done here at QuakerBridge, and will be headed back towards Haywood after we eat. Anything you want me to tell her?"

"No, I'll meet you in the garage when you get back."

"Affirmative."

"And Lester…"

"Yeah Boss?"

"Thanks. For taking care of her. It means a lot. To both of us."

"Always, Boss. You know that. Always."

Stephanie made her way over to me. "I'm glad you got us a table. It's really busy in here today."

I nodded in agreement as we divided up the food and began to eat. I chanced a quick glance at Steph every now and then as we made small talk. I noticed that she was enjoying her food, but occasionally, she would glance around as if making sure no one was watching her or nearby. She seemed a little on edge, but after all she'd been through over the past couple of months, it was a miracle that she was still sane.

I found myself looking at her with a whole new level of respect. All of the guys had always respected her determination and gumption, but today I saw a new side of her. Steph was not one to stay down for long. Even with the horrible things that had happened to her, she was still able to find a positive outlook on life. Sure she was nervous about coming out today and going to her appointment alone. But she pushed aside the panic and pushed forward. Slowly but surely, the fear that she had been living with was ebbing away.

As we finished eating, I realized we had fallen into our usual playful banter of her picking on me and me reciprocating. It felt really good to have a glimpse of our "old Stephanie" back, and I finally believed she was on her way to overcoming the demons that had haunted her for weeks.

~TBC (Feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think.)


	20. Chapter 20

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_As you are aware by now, p__lease use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. We're past most of the angst and bad parts, but if you've stuck with me to chapter 20, I figure you're in for the long haul! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. Thanks to all of you that have reviewed and let me know that you're enjoying the story. _

_**Previously:**_

_I found myself looking at her with a whole new level of respect. All of the guys had always respected her determination and gumption, but today I saw a new side of her. Steph was not one to stay down for long. Even with the horrible things that had happened to her, she was still able to find a positive outlook on life. Sure she was nervous about coming out today and going to her appointment alone. But she pushed aside the panic and pushed forward. Slowly but surely, the fear that she had been living with was ebbing away._

_As we finished eating, I realized we had fallen into our usual playful banter of her picking on me and me reciprocating. It felt really good to have a glimpse of our "old Stephanie" back, and I finally believed she was on her way to overcoming the demons that had haunted her for weeks._

… … … … … …

Stephanie POV:

We pulled into the garage and as Lester parked the black Navigator, I saw Carlos step out of the elevator. Lester had no sooner turned off the engine, than my door was being opened and my eyes met the warm, brown, inviting ones belong to Carlos.

He leaned in to kiss me softly and I reciprocated, quickly deepening the kiss until I heard a chuckle from beside me.

"Geez! Get a room!" This, coming from Lester, as he got out of the vehicle and started carrying my bags towards the elevator.

"Wow, Batman. If I'd known that my being away from you for a few hours would get me that kind of welcome home reception, I'd have had Lester accompany me to all of my therapy appointments!"

"Babe, I missed you. " Carlos took my hand and helped me out of the mammoth vehicle. I was no longer bruised or in pain physically from the attack, but his actions were protective just the same. He pulled me in for a warm hug, and held me while he spoke. "How was the appointment, Babe?"

I gave him a quick squeeze before pulling back just enough so that I could see his face. "It was good. Probably the best one yet. I really think the sessions are helping. Plus, Rebecca gave me some pointers and suggestions that I'd like to talk to you about when you have some free time later on."

Carlos gave me a look that told me he was trying to figure out what I was talking about, before raising one eyebrow. "Babe, what kind of pointers? For the nightmares?"

"Ummm…no. Not exactly. I'd prefer to have this discussion in private. Do you think maybe we could go out to dinner tonight? Just us? Alone?"

I saw Carlos' wolf-grin make an instant appearance. "Of course, Babe. Anything you want. Did you have somewhere particular in mind?"

"How about Marsilio's? We haven't been there in a while."

"Sure Babe. I've got to sign a couple of contracts in my office. Wanna come with me? Or are you going up to seven?"

"I think I'll come with you. I'm kinda ready to start getting back into the swing of things full time. Maybe I can work on some searches or help you out with some paperwork until it's time for us to get ready to go out."

Carlos smiled and then kissed me quickly before pulling me to his side. We walked together to the elevator, with his arm around my waist and mine around his. "Steph, I've been thinking. What would you think about maybe broadening the scope of what you do here at RangeMan? You've got some excellent experience in business, and the degree to back it up. We'd really benefit from someone like you to assist us with customers. You put them at ease and know enough about what we do to give them accurate information. Maybe you could start sitting in on some client meetings; that is, if you feel up to it."

I turned a genuine smile in Carlos' direction. Here was my chance to finally do something and give back to Carlos and all that he's done for me. And it was something that I felt like I could do well. "Of course. I'd love to. Just name the time."

We stepped on the elevator and made our way to Carlos' office. He sat down on the supple leather sofa in his office, and pulled me down in his lap. "Steph, you've got plenty of time to decide what you'd like to do. But I was just wondering if you've given any thought to what you'd like to do in the future as far as BEA. Do you want to eventually return to bounty hunting? There's no pressure and no hurry. And you know you don't have to do anything at all. If you don't want to work, you don't have to. I was just wondering…"

I interrupted him by placing a finger gently over his lips, and then kissing them. "Carlos, as a matter of fact, I have thought about it. I don't want to necessarily rule anything out because I enjoy my work as a BEA. But I'm not sure that I'm ever going to be comfortable doing bounty hunting alone again. Even with Lula as a partner, there's a lot of stuff that could happen on a take down, and I've seen now what I stand to lose. If and when I ever do work as a BEA again, I will want to work through Rangeman and have a RangeMan partner. I'm done with the solo act. It's just too dangerous, and I've used up enough of my nine lives. I think I'm probably in the negative double or triple digits by now. I had planned on asking you about working more in the office, but it seems that you've beaten me to it by suggesting I work more with clients. I think I'd like that. And I like doing research for you. But there is one more thing that I wanted to talk to you about regarding work. And I'm not sure you'll be very happy, but I'm hoping you'll understand and won't be disappointed."

Carlos looked worried and took one of my hands in his. "What is it Babe? You know whatever it is, you can tell me."

I took a deep breath. "Carlos, I'm not sure that I want to do distractions anymore. At least for a while. I don't want to totally rule it out because I feel like it was something I did really well. But right now I just don't know if I'd be comfortable enough to do them. And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize your business or a takedown. Plus, I've got several…umm…scars. From the attack. And most of the clothing I would wear would show them. So…."

Carlos pulled me even closer to him and hugged me tight. "Babe, it's perfectly understandable that you don't want to do distractions. Hell, I'd actually prefer that you never do them again. It kills me to watch you try to seduce a sleaze ball, even if it is just to get him to follow you outside. You don't have to worry about that at all. We can find someone else, or find another way when the situation calls for it. I could never be disappointed in you.

As for the scars, they're not as bad as you think. But any mark on your beautiful body is a sin. I hate the fact that they are there at all. And that I couldn't protect you from what happened to put them there. But when you are ready, and feel up to it, we can explore having the scars removed. You have insurance, and even if you didn't, we have plenty of money to cover it. I'd do anything to help remove the memories of what happened, Babe."

I sat there a minute and thought about what Carlos had said. "Do you think Bobby could set up an appointment for me to see someone? About the scars?"

"Sure, Babe. I'll let him know. And I can go with you, if you'd like."

I smiled. "Okay. I'd like that. Are you sure you're not upset about me not doing distractions for a while?"

"Honest. Scouts Honor." He held up a mock scout salute and laughed. "Babe, as long as you're here with me and healthy, nothing else matters."

I pulled him into a kiss and decided that since our earlier conversation went so well, I might as well go for broke. As we ended the kiss, I nuzzled his neck and tried to think of a way to bring up the next subject. I knew he had questions about why I didn't want him to go with me to the appointment earlier, and he deserved to know why. Also, Rebecca kept reminding me that open communication was key, so I figured there was no time like the present.

Carlos was rubbing my back gently as I sat there with my eyes closed. "Deep thoughts, Babe?"

"Ummm hmmm. I was just thinking about my therapy appointment earlier."

Carlos continued to gently rub my back and shoulders, easing all of the tension that was trying to build up. "How did it go?"

I hesitated, unsure of how to tell him what Rebecca and I had discussed. My face was halfway hidden in his chest due to the way I was sitting. Somehow, not actually looking him in the eye would make the conversation a little easier to start. I wasn't scared of what Carlos would think, but rather was slightly embarrassed by how silly I was being. Carlos and I had been intimate before, and you'd think I'd be able to talk openly about it. But in light of what had happened I felt unsure. Not unsure of his love for me, but of my ability to follow through with what my body and heart so desperately wanted. Finally, I decided to clue him in.

"It went well. It was good. Really good."

"So you've said. Want to let me know what you talked about? Or would you rather not?"

"No. I mean, yes, I'd like to tell you. I want to tell you. It's just…"

"Babe, just take your time. You can tell me anything."

"We talked about what I want."

Carlos was silent for a minute. Finally he spoke softly. "And what is that Steph? What do you want?"

I turned to finally look him in the eyes and took a deep breath. "I want you, Carlos. My body and my heart have been screaming for days. I need for you to touch me and make me yours. I need for you to wipe away every thought or trace of what happened, and I need for you to make love to me."

Carlos ran a gentle finger over my cheek and held my face lovingly. "Babe, are you sure? There's no hurry. We have all the time in the world."

"I'm sure. I'm sure that I want to try. Rebecca gave me some suggestions on how to …um….well, how to keep my mind where it needs to be. I won't lie to you and say I'm not scared. I am. But not of you. I'm scared that I won't be able to do it. I'm scared that I'll freak out, or ruin it, or …."

"Babe, you could never ruin anything. But if you're scared we can wait. I don't want you doing anything that you're not ready for."

"I know Carlos. And you've been great. More than great. But I'm ready to try. I need to try. For me. It's what I want. I just need for you to be patient and understanding if I…well, if I mess it up."

Carlos shifted me so that I was sitting in his lap facing him. I was straddling him with a leg on the outer portion of each of his thighs. I could feel him harden against me as he pulled me into a gentle kiss.

"Stephanie, feel what you do to me. There's no way you could ruin what we have. Just being around you is so easy, so comforting. I love you Babe, more than anything. And if you're sure that you're ready, then we'll go slow and see what happens. And if not, then you let me know and we stop. Okay?"

I nodded my understanding to him as I was pulled in for another gentle kiss. I nipped his bottom lip lightly and heard him growl in response. The sound made me smile and almost forget my anxiety. "Carlos, why don't you finish up here and I'll go and work a couple of hours at my cubby. Then I'll head upstairs to get ready for tonight."

"Babe, was there something for me in any of those bags that Lester was carrying earlier?"

"Only if you like silky, lacy things."

"I happen to love silky, lacy things as long as they are on you!"

Carlos stood while still holding me and slowly lowered me to the ground. I turned to leave as he swatted my butt playfully. I laughed a genuine laugh and realized how good it felt to finally be getting back to normal.

… … … … …

I finished shutting down my computer and made my way upstairs to get ready for our evening out. I showered, buffed, shaved, exfoliated, and moisturized until I couldn't do anymore. After drying my hair, I applied my makeup and made my way into the dressing room to pick out something to wear. I really wanted to wear my new dress, but was afraid that the scars left from Joe's bite marks would show.

Ella had unpacked all of my things when I arrived in the apartment. She must have run into Lester on his way up from the garage. She had hung the dress on a hook in the dressing room. I stood there, lightly touching the fabric. As I stood in thought, wishing I could wear the dress, Ella called out from the living room.

"Steph, are you here? It's me, Ella."

I smiled as I heard her voice. I was sure that Carlos had asked her to announce herself when she came in the apartment since I had moved in. I wasn't sure if it was because he wanted me to have my privacy, or because he didn't want her startling me. But either way, I was appreciative. I grabbed my robe and put it on, quickly tossing the towel in the clothes hamper. "In here, Ella."

Ella knocked lightly before coming into the bedroom. "Hi Stephanie. I just wanted to check and see if you would be needing dinner tonight, and if so, what time? Do you have a taste for anything specific?"

"Oh Ella. I'm sorry. I should have called you already. Carlos and I are going out for dinner. But thanks for checking on us."

"No problem at all sweetie. I'll just grab the laundry and be on my way."

Ella took the basket from the dressing room and started to leave. "That's a lovely dress, Stephanie. It'll look beautiful on you!"

"Thanks, Ella. But I'm afraid I won't be wearing it anytime soon."

"Why not child?"

I hesitated. "Well…it's because of the scarring I have. I want to have it taken care of first. Carlos is going to get Bobby to get an appointment for me to have it looked at later. It's rather embarrassing and I can't wear the dress due to the cut of the neckline. But it was so pretty, I just had to buy it in the hopes that one day I might be able to wear it."

Ella made a "tsk tsk" sound and pulled me down to the bench in the dressing room. "Stephanie, we all have scars. Some are on the outside. Some are on the inside. But the thing about scars is that while we think everyone else sees them so clearly, it's often times our own selves that focus so much on them. Do you mind if I see what you're talking about? I might be able to help."

I sat for a second, and quickly glanced up at Ella, expecting to see curiosity but was relieved to find love and warmth looking back at me. Ella wanted to see the scars, not to embarrass me or to be nosey, but to actually help me. Although how she would be able to help, I wasn't really sure.

I slowly unbelted my robe and pulled the side down, baring my shoulder and upper chest area near my shoulder. "It's healed fairly well. But my doctor said the remainder of the redness and discoloration will likely remain. I hope to find a plastic surgeon to help."

"It's really not that bad. It's noticeable, but only because I'm looking for it, and because you have such lovely, milky white skin. I have an idea. Do you have a few minutes to spare before you get dressed?"

I nodded to indicate that I did, and quickly pulled the robe back to its' rightful place. Ella bustled out of the apartment, and I went about trying to find an alternate dress in case she couldn't help me. I so wanted tonight to be perfect, and I really wanted to wear the dress. It was a silly thing, I know. I had a closet full of clothes. But I had bought the dress with tonight in mind. Although at the time, I'm not sure why I didn't think about how the scars would affect me wearing the dress.

In no time at all, I heard Ella once again announcing herself as she entered the apartment. She entered the bedroom and had a jar of something in her hand. Upon closer inspection I realized it was stage makeup. "Ella, why on earth do you have stage makeup?"

One of my friends is a stage manager for a local play house. A while back one of her makeup artists for the evening was very sick and couldn't work unexpectedly. When I was younger I went to cosmetology school and I've always enjoyed working with hair and makeup. She was in quite a bind that day and she asked if I'd help with the preparation of the cast. I took some things that I had here of my own to the play house, and several containers of the stage makeup somehow got thrown into my things as we were packing up. I told my friend about it, but she assured me that they just buy small, trial sizes so that they can be tossed out between each play that's presented. That way, the makeup doesn't go bad. I kept it- not wanting to waste it since it stays good for a long time. I'd forgotten all about it until our earlier conversation since it's a much lighter color than what I normally wear. Lots of people use the thicker foundations like this to cover age spots, or blemishes along with their normal makeup. If I'm not mistaken, just a little amount here and there will probably cover your scars up enough so that you'll be comfortable wearing your dress. Want to give it a try?"

I quickly agreed and started to pull my robe off. "Ummm…Ella. I don't have anything underneath. How about I go put on my underwear for the evening."

"Good idea. I'll wait here."

I made my way back into the dressing room and selected the blue undies I had purchased to match the dress. I quickly slid them on, and then pulled the robe back on, and went back into the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed, and watched as Ella went to work. Within a few minutes, she had lightly applied the makeup and dusted it with some sort of setting powder.

"Have a look and tell me what you think."

I went to the mirror and looked at my reflection. I could faintly see the outline of the scar, but the redness was gone along with most of the discoloration. "Ella, you're amazing. Will it stay on all evening?"

"Yes, my dear. It'll only come off with soap and warm water. It won't even rub off on your dress."

I quickly hugged her to me and squeezed. "Oh Ella. Thank you so much! You don't know how relieved I am."

Ella returned the hug and smiled. "Stephanie, I was glad to help. But remember, they're actually not as bad as you think. Now get dressed and enjoy your evening."

"Thanks again Ella."

I hurried into the dressing room and got dressed in my new outfit. I added the new shoes and was placing a few things in a clutch when I heard Carlos enter the apartment. "Babe, it's just me."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness as I entered the bedroom. Carlos was busy taking off his watch as he walked through the door, not expecting me to be standing there, dressed, waiting for him.

"Babe, I'll just be a minute in the shower, and then we can…"

He looked up as I stepped from the dressing room and stopped mid-sentence. I smiled a hesitant smile at him as he stood frozen. At first I wasn't sure if I looked okay, since Carlos wasn't saying anything. But I soon realized that his expression gave his true feelings away. He stood there with nothing but love showing in his eyes. I finally decided to snap him out of it by asking him if I looked okay. As I smoothed down nonexistent wrinkles, I asked "Does this look okay?"

Carlos took a deep breath and let it out. He was in front of me in two strides, and had his arms around me instantly. "Babe, Dios! You look amazing. I'm speechless. This dress…it…it's almost like it was made for you. Did you buy this today?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yeah, Lester talked me into buying it. The original price was far more than I'm usually willing to spend on a dress. But it was on sale."

"Remind me to thank Lester! You know money shouldn't be an issue. What's mine is yours. But Babe, I'd be willing to have paid thousands of dollars just to see you in this dress. You look amazing!"

I kissed him on the lips, and ran my tongue across his lips lightly. "Yum. Seems like you've said that once already, but feel free to keep saying the amazing part. A girl never gets tired of hearing that. And even though you have lots of money, it doesn't mean that I'm going to start spending it willy nilly. I've always been conservative when it comes to money and I don't plan on changing that now. Carlos, I'm not with you for your bank account. I hope you know that by now."

Carlos took my chin and tilted it up to look at him. "Of course I do Babe. But I want to give you everything that I can. I want to provide for you and see that you have nice things. Whatever you need…"

I kissed him once more. "Thanks Batman. But right now I only need you."

"Hold that thought, Babe. Give me five minutes and I'll be ready."

I finished placing my things in my clutch while Carlos took a shower. I've never understood how men can get ready so fast when they have basically the same amount of skin as women do to wash. True to his word, within five minutes he was standing in the dressing room selecting a suit to match my dress. He selected a dark gray Armani suit with a deep blue shirt to match. His tie matched the gray in the suit. I'd never seen the blue shirt before, but I stood in awe at the fine specimen of man in front of me. Whatever fears I'd had about not being able to feel like a woman any more were instantly gone. Just being around Carlos ignited a part of me that I couldn't ignore.

Carlos must have caught my lustful gaze in the mirror as he tied his tie. "See something you like, Babe?"

"Of course. And you know it. If we aren't careful we're not going anywhere, and I'm going to have my way with you here on the floor."

"Babe, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea."

I giggled as he made another playful swat at my backside. He pulled me in for another quick hug and inhaled deeply as wrapped my arms around him. "Dios! Babe! You smell so good. I just can't get enough of you."

I moved to kiss him and it quickly turned passionate. I moaned as I took him deeply into my mouth, loving the feel of him pressed against my body. Carlos was the first to end the kiss, and as he did he took my hands in his and held them to his chest. "Babe, I'm serious. If we are going to make our reservations, we need to leave now. Otherwise, we won't be going out. And it's a shame to waste such a beautiful dress."

"Okay. You win. Let's go."

Carlos took my wrap from the bench where I had laid it and placed it over my shoulders. He looked slightly confused as his hand brushed gently over my shoulder where the scar used to be evident. I smiled up at him as he questioned, "Babe?"

"Ella."

He raised one eyebrow as he gently ran a finger over the skin.

"Ella knew I wanted to wear this dress tonight, so she covered the scars with stage makeup until I can have something done about them."

"Aaah. I see. You know it wouldn't have bothered me, right Steph. For you to not cover them."

I nodded. "I know. But it bothered me. And that's what matters."

Carlos seemed in thought for a slit second, then agreed. "True enough. But just for the record, Babe, you are perfect. In every way, to me, you are perfect."

"Thank you Carlos. I love you."

"Te amo Babe. Let's get going."

We made our way down to the garage, and he helped me into the Porsche. I leaned back into the supple leather as Carlos rounded the back of the car and slid in. I was finally feeling more and more like my old self. If I had my way, tonight would be the start of many good things to come.


	21. Chapter 21

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_As you are aware by now, please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. We're past most of the angst and bad parts, but if you've stuck with me to chapter 20, I figure you're in for the long haul! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. Thanks to all of you that have reviewed and let me know that you're enjoying the story. _

_**Previously:**_

_Carlos seemed in thought for a split second, then agreed. "True enough. But just for the record, Babe, you are perfect. In every way, to me, you are perfect."_

_"Thank you Carlos. I love you."_

_"Te amo Babe. Let's get going."_

_We made our way down to the garage, and he helped me into the Porsche. I leaned back into the supple leather as Carlos rounded the back of the car and slid in. I was finally feeling more and more like my old self. If I had my way, tonight would be the start of many good things to come._

… … … … …

Our ride to Marsilio's was quiet and relaxed. Soft music played through the radio and Carlos held my hand on his thigh as he drove. He softly caressed my skin as we made small talk. I could feel the electricity between us. It was almost palpable. I was trying really hard not to concentrate on what was to come later. Or rather, what I _hoped_ was to come later. I was afraid that if I thought about it too much, I'd end up even more anxious and panicky. I don't know why I was nervous about it. Carlos and I had been together lots of times. But tonight would be…different. It would be the first time since…well, since the attack. And I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted it to be a new start for us.

I chanced a glance over at Carlos and he met my eyes with a soft expression and a slight smile. He exuded confidence and calm. Why couldn't I be that way? He never seems nervous or out of control. How does he do it?

"Deep thoughts Babe?" Carlos asked, while taking my hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

"Not really. Just thinking about how you're always so calm and confident. You never seem to get anxious or nervous over anything. I wish I could be more like that."

"Steph, I get anxious over a lot of things, especially where you're concerned. But I've had a lot of practice at hiding my emotions. I tend not to do that so much anymore around you. You're one of the few people I've let inside to see the real me. And besides, if you were more like me, you wouldn't be you. And I love you just the way you are. I don't want you to change a thing."

"Yeah, right. My face is like an open book. Most everyone can read my expressions as the thoughts run through my mind. Sometimes it's a little embarrassing."

"I think it's cute."

"Yeah, well. You wouldn't like it too much if it were you and you weren't able to automatically use the patented Manoso blank face. You're always in control."

"Not really. Not when I'm around you. You make me lose control, Steph. I think that's one reason why I resisted a relationship with you for so long. But eventually, I couldn't stay away. I can't imagine my life without you in it. And as far as being nervous, tonight I feel about as nervous as I did on our first date. If not more."

I snapped my head in his direction and gave him my 'that's unbelievable' look. "What do you mean you were nervous on our first date? You didn't seem nervous at the time. I don't remember that."

"I told you. I hid it well. But inside, I was a wreck. We'd had dinner several times, out at Pinos, in my apartment, in your apartment. We were slowly growing closer. But the night I asked you to come to Marisilos with me, alone, was what I consider the start of our official dating relationship. Do you remember that night Steph?"

"Of course I do. I wore a black dress and you brought me a lily when you picked me up. I still have it, pressed in a book in some tissue paper."

"They're your favorite."

"Umm hmm. And you knew that, even though I'd never told you."

"I make it a point to know things about the woman I love."

"You loved me then?"

"Of course. I'd told you before."

"You always qualified it when you said it."

"I was scared. I was afraid of opening up. Of being vulnerable."

"Hmm. Interesting. Were you really nervous for our first date? I thought I was the only one."

"Babe, I changed clothes three times before I picked you up that night. I made Lester wash the Porsche- twice. I brought you _one_ lily because the other _eleven_ I had bought didn't look nice enough for you. They were either too small or too big. The bloom was open too much or not enough. I had to pick the one that was just right. So I figured bringing you one lily would be romantic. And not too pushy."

I laughed out loud. "Oh my God! I can't believe this! The mighty Batman was really nervous! Who would have guessed? I don't feel so bad about changing shoes three times now, and changing outfits twice that night."

"You looked beautiful. But you look even more so tonight, Babe. I'm glad that you suggested we go out tonight."

"Me too Carlos. I wanted some time alone for us to talk about my appointment today. And to relax."

Carlos pulled the Porsche into the parking lot and was immediately at my door, holding my hand as I stood from the car. He placed a hand around my waist as we walked into the restaurant together.

We were seated at the table we had sat at on our first official date together. It was in an intimate corner of the restaurant where the lighting was low and strategically placed green plants formed a nice barrier from the remainder of the dining area. Carlos pulled out my chair for me and then seated himself as I began to look over the menu.

Our waiter came by and took our drink and food order, and then Carlos turned to me and smiled. It never failed to take my breath away to see him smile. When I first met him, it was a rarity, but the closer we became, the more frequently I saw him smile. I liked to think that maybe I had something to do with it. Lord knows he's responsible for the one that's usually plastered on my face.

"So Babe, wanna talk about today's appointment with Rebecca? Or would you rather dance?"

"How about we talk and then dance?"

"Sounds like a plan. I know you said things went well. And that she gave you some suggestions?"

"Yes. But first I wanted to tell you why I went alone today, without you."

Carlos interrupted. "Steph, you don't have to explain why you…"

I took his hand in mine and leaned in to him. "Yes. I do. I want to. Carlos, you going with me to my appointments has meant the world to me. I honestly don't think I could have done it without you. But today I was kind of embarrassed to talk to Rebecca about my fears concerning us being intimate. I didn't want you to know how scared I was. And I guess it sounds kinda silly to you but…"

Carlos interrupted again. "Steph, it's not silly at all. These are valid feelings that you have that are perfectly understandable. Especially considering what happened. But Steph, really there's no hurry. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I'm not going anywhere."

I could feel my skin blushing as we talked about our intimacy. I wasn't used to talking about things like this, but I knew if I didn't do it now, I'd chicken out. "That's the problem. I _am_ ready for more. I've never been comfortable talking about things like this, even before the attack. But I miss that part of our relationship. I talked to Rebecca about how I was scared that I wouldn't have the same feelings. Don't misunderstand me. My feelings for you are as strong as ever…if not even stronger. I feel like what we've been through has somehow bonded us together and made us stronger as a couple. I'm talking about _my_ ability to feel _sexy. _My ability to _be _sexy. I was scared that I was broken in some way, and that I'd ruin things between us. Making love with you is a wonderful experience. And I miss that. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to live up to what we once had. I also talked to her about my fear that I would panic in the middle of things and not know what to do. But Rebecca told me that all of those feelings were normal. And that I should talk to you about them."

"I'm glad she suggested that. Steph, you can always talk to me. About anything at all."

"She reminded me that 'anything that goes good or bad in a relationship usually centers around communication'. Whether it be good or bad. And I don't want anything going wrong with us, or hindering our relationship in any way. So as hard as it was to talk about, I'm kinda glad I did. I'm glad it's out in the open. I don't want any secrets between us."

"I agree, Babe, and I really do understand your concerns. I can't wait to make love to you again. But only when you're ready. You said something about suggestions. What examples did Rebecca give you?"

"Well, simple things like leaving a light on, going slow, keeping my eyes open and focused on you. That kind of thing."

"Sounds easy enough. But for now, how about we just take tonight as it comes, and enjoy ourselves with no expectations. It'll be kind of like our first date again."

"I like that idea."

"Come on, Babe. Let's dance."

Carlos led me out onto the dance floor and as we started to dance to a slow jazz number, I placed my arms around his neck. He held me close as we swayed to the music, and I couldn't remember ever feeling as loved as I did tonight. I closed my eyes as I relaxed and Carlos began to whisper to me in Spanish, and even though I couldn't understand much of it, it made me feel treasured and supported. The words soothed my soul and warmed me like a blanket on a chilly night. I forgot all of my anxiety and fears, and just let the music, his words, and the moment surround me, surround us, until I could no longer remember why I was even nervous about tonight in the first place.

When the music ended, Carlos continued to hold me for a moment before tilting my head up so that my eyes met his. "Stephanie, you are my light, my heart, and my love. I love you."

Tears filled my eyes as I looked into his eyes. Gone were the fears that I had felt earlier, along with all of my insecurities and doubts. I'd never felt more loved or cherished. All of my anxieties were replaced with a love that I could see clearly mirrored in Carlos' expression. "I love you too Carlos. You are my world."

We made our way back over to the table. The food was excellent, and after we'd eaten, and I'd had dessert, Carlos paid our server and we headed home.

The ride to Haywood was made in comfortable silence, and before I knew it we were pulling back into the garage at Haywood. Carlos turned off the engine and came around to my side of the car and opened my door. As I stepped out, he pulled me into a hug and soft kiss, before leading me towards the elevators that would take us up to seven.

As we stepped through the doors, I turned to Carlos and asked to see his keys. Carlos handed them to me, but only after hesitating slightly and raising one eyebrow. "Babe, I can get the door upstairs."

I leaned into him as I pressed the button on his key fob to scramble the cameras. "I'm not worried about the door upstairs," I stated, as I gently nipped his bottom lip. His slight intake of breath told me that I'd surprised him, so I ran my tongue over his bottom lip to soothe the skin. Carlos pulled me even closer to him and continued to kiss me, making a growling noise when I raised both of my hands to his collar to loosen his tie and unbutton the top button of his shirt.

We continued to kiss each other, lost in the emotions we were feeling until the bell dinged and the doors opened. I was surprised when Carlos broke apart from the kiss and was breathing just as heavily as I was. He scooped me up bridal style and carried me to the entrance of the apartment where I unlocked the door with the keys in my hand. Carlos pushed the door open with his foot, and after stepping into the foyer, gently pushed it closed with his foot. I reached a hand out to lock the door, while Carlos' lips found mine and we continued where we had left off.

We were both lost in the emotion of what we were feeling but Carlos was able to speak before me. He pulled away from me slightly and rested his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed and I could tell he was working to regain his control. "Babe, if I'm reading you correctly, you're telling me that you're ready and wanting this as much as I do. But if that's not the case, and I'm totally misunderstanding, please tell me now. I won't be upset, but I need to know."

I silenced him by placing a kiss on his lips. "Carlos, I'm ready. Please take me to bed. Make love to me." Those words were all that was needed to spur Carlos into action. He carried me into the bedroom and gently stood me up beside our bed. His hand went to my cheek, as he looked into my eyes, as if he were searching for an answer. I met his gaze back, hoping that my expression showed just how much I loved him and was ready for tonight. He continued to look into my eyes until he seemed to find the answer he was looking for.

"Stephanie, if you need to stop, just tell me, okay? Don't be afraid to tell me what you're feeling…what you need. We've got all the time in the world."

I nodded to him, understanding that he wanted to make me comfortable. "Carlos, I'm not nervous anymore. I'm ready. I love you. Always have, always will."

I ran my hands under his jacket and pushed it off of his broad shoulders. It fell to the floor and I began to unbutton the rest of the buttons on his shirt. I pulled the tail of his shirt out of the confines of his pants as he slid a warm hand underneath the thin straps of my dress. Carlos bent to kiss me, and I moaned as his tongue dueled with mine. Our passion was like a dance, starting slow but building with intensity as each item of clothing was removed. Finally, after I'd removed all of his clothes, Carlos slid the zipper of my dress down, making the dress fall to my feet in a puddle. I stood in front of him in the dark blue lace bra and thong set that I had purchased earlier. Carlos' deep intake of breath told me he liked what he saw.

I took a shaky breath and tried to speak. "Was this the kind of lace you had in mind earlier?"

"It's exactly what I had in mind, Babe. More than I could have imagined. God, you're beautiful."

I unbuttoned the clasp on my bra and tossed it to the growing heap of clothes in the floor. "I think it'll look better on the floor, Carlos. What do you think?" He looked at me and smiled a playful smile, before quickly picking me up again and tossing me on the bed. He gently pulled the thong down my legs and tossed it over his shoulder before coming to lie down beside me. We continued kissing, touching, nipping, and petting until we were both breathless.

Carlos gentle fingers ran up my thigh and dipped into folds, finding them slick and ready. "Dios, Babe! You're so wet. I can't wait to taste you." His words fueled my desire even more as a finger circled my clit. When he finally landed on the sensitive nub, my hips shot up and I moaned in appreciation. "More, Carlos. Please…more." His hands knew my body better than even I did, and he quickly plunged one, then two of his fingers deep within me. I moaned in ecstasy as I felt a fresh flood of warmth between my legs. I'd never felt so full of need and desire. Carlos continued to gently pump his fingers into me while still circling my hidden nub, and when I felt the slow burn that signaled my orgasm, he immediately sensed it and bent his fingers in a 'come here' motion, rubbing against my g-spot. His ability to always sense exactly what I needed never ceased to amaze me. The waves of pleasure poured over me, surprising me with their intensity.

As I came down from my pleasure high, Carlos began kissing his way down my body. He started with my lips, and slowly and methodically moved to my ears, my neck, and down to my breasts. He suckled and nipped them, causing me to gasp in pleasure. I ran my hands over his taught muscles as he continued to work his way to my center. When he reached his desired destination, his tongue explored and licked until I was a bundle of electricity, and before I knew it I was moaning his name, begging and pleading for more.

"Please Carlos, I need you. Please…more. God I want you!"

Carlos rose from his place between my legs and covered my body with his. As he did, he reached and turned on the bedside lamp, casting a soft glow on our bodies. "Stephanie, you are so beautiful. I love you, mi amor."

He caressed my body as he hovered over me, resting his weight on his forearms. He pulled one of my legs over his, and gently slid inside me, inhaling deeply as he slid home. This sheer act of intimacy reaffirmed our love for each other. Finally I felt whole again, no longer unsure of myself or my ability as a woman. Our lips found each other and in between kisses he spoke to me, telling me how much he loved me and adored my body. He talked of how lucky he was that I was in his life. I'd never felt so loved and our lovemaking had never felt so intense. I closed my eyes, lost in the moment and the feeling of him filling me and possessing me. Carlos ran his hand into my hair, gently turning my face to him while speaking softly. His voice was almost a whisper, his words almost reverent. "Stephanie, my love, open your eyes. Look and me and see what you do to me, what no one else can do."

Our bodies moved in a slow, languid dance together, reacquainting and falling in love over and over again. When we both came together, it was not in wild passion, but was a deep, soulful moment that was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I felt him spill his seed into me as I convulsed around him, milking him, taking from him until I was overflowing with emotion.

Carlos held me afterwards and pulled me to him, placing my head on his chest. He kissed my forehead while gently caressing my back. "Babe, are you okay?"

"Mmmmm. I'm more than okay. That was…wonderful. There aren't words to describe it. They've not been invented yet."

Carlos chuckled. "I agree Babe. Tonight was perfect in every way, just like you. Sleep now, mi amor. You need your rest."

I snuggled in closer to Carlos and felt peace wash over me. I felt like I'd just taken one more giant step in reclaiming my former life. Once again I was reminded how lucky I was to have Carlos by my side. Sleep came quickly, with Carlos holding me tight. And thankfully it was peaceful and full of wonderful dreams.

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

_Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. _

_Thanks to all of you that have reviewed and let me know that you're enjoying the story. We're winding the story up, and I appreciate all of the private messages and reviews that have encouraged me along the way. I hope that you've enjoyed this story. After this chapter, we only have the epilogue left to go._

Previously:

_Carlos chuckled. "I agree Babe. Tonight was perfect in every way, just like you. Sleep now, mi amor. You need your rest."_

_I snuggled in closer to Carlos and felt peace wash over me. I felt like I'd just taken one more giant step in reclaiming my former life. Once again I was reminded how lucky I was to have Carlos by my side. Sleep came quickly, with Carlos holding me tight. And thankfully it was peaceful and full of wonderful dreams._

_Oooo0000oooo0000oooo0000_

The next morning I woke before Carlos and found myself lying tangled between his arms and legs, feeling very loved, sated, and secure. I turned my head to look at the handsome man lying behind me. Even in sleep he was gorgeous, looking relaxed and younger than when awake. The fine lines of worry that I often noticed were absent and a look of peacefulness washed over his features. I knew that the past several months had been almost as hard on Carlos and they had been on me. Sure, my body was battered and abused, but Carlos carried the weight of the incident like a burden, almost as if he was responsible for not getting to me sooner. We'd talked about it several times, both in therapy and here in the apartment, but still I knew that he would always carry the "what if's" in the back of his mind. However, I was happy to see him more relaxed this morning than I'd seen him in quite a while.

A sigh of happiness escaped me as I stretched and smiled, thinking back to the previous night and how wonderful it had been. It reaffirmed my abilities to be sexy and to feel sexy. It was nice to know that those two things had not been taken away from me. Sure, I'd been scarred both physically and emotionally, but the road to healing had brought Carlos and I closer than we had ever been before. I wouldn't dare go so far as to say I was thankful for the attack, but during the past several months I realized that I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

I heard Carlos sigh in return as the arms around me tightened slightly. "Can I assume I'm at least partially responsible for that nice smile on your pretty face this morning, Babe?"

"Mmmmm. You are more than partially responsible, you're totally responsible. I was just thinking about last night. It was everything I'd hoped for. I'm so very lucky."

Carlos shifted us so that we were face to face. "Babe, I'm the lucky one. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're right, last night was perfect. But this, lying together with you and waking with you every morning, _this_ is perfect to me. Having you in my life and in my arms for the rest of my life is more than I ever thought I'd get to experience."

I leaned forward and kissed Carlos, morning breath and all. One thing was for sure, he'd seen me at my best, and had seen me at the lowest point of my worst. And he'd always been there for me. He gave me hope when I was hopeless, and strength when I had none. He gave me wings to fly. We continued to kiss and caress until we had worked ourselves into a frenzy. Last night had gone a long way in restoring the passion between us, and it had left me feeling powerful and womanly . His words gave me strength and confidence and I found myself gently pushing Carlos until he was lying on his back and I straddled his waist. A slight grin broke out on his face as I bent to kiss him again. "See something you like, Batman?"

"Everything. I like everything about you. I love everything about you, Babe. Dios! You're beautiful, so sexy."

Carlos closed his eyes while sensuously grazing his fingertips over my entire body as I nipped and kissed over his chest and up his arms, finally laving on his neck and tender skin behind his ear. Our playfulness quickly turned passionate and before he knew it, I'd shifted my hips and came down forcefully over his impressive erection. I inhaled sharply as the tip of his member grazed my cervix, and noticed that I'd actually managed to surprise Carlos. His eyes shot open as his hands grabbed my hips, stilling me from further movement. I smiled as muttered Spanish rolled from his lips and he took a deep breath, obviously trying to gain his infamous control.

I started to move back and forth, up and down on top of him and I could tell that he was struggling to hold on. "Babe, slow down. Dios, I'm not gonna last! Por favor…"

I smiled and moved faster. I wasn't interested in slow and languid this morning. I needed to feel him inside me and I wanted him to see that I was capable of passionate sex. I _needed_ to see that I was capable of it as well. Last night was wonderful but this morning, I needed to be able to make him lose his self control.

I continued and clenched my muscles inside as I felt my orgasm building higher and higher, gripping him as I continued to move my hips. His thumb found my clit and after only a few strokes, the waves of ecstasy rolled over me and I felt Carlos lose the battle he was so valiantly trying to win as his orgasm came with a shout of my name. My walls contracted as I felt his warmth pulse through me. I smiled again as I continued to slowly move my hands over his chest and arms, finally bending to rest my head on his chest.

"God, Babe. That was…my God! What's gotten in to you this morning?"

"Well, it appears you have!"

He met my sassiness with a laugh and we kissed and loved on each other until suddenly he flipped us and he was on top, while his still partially erect member was still inside me. "Stephanie, I love you."

I smiled. "And I love you Carlos. Always."

I found myself deeply involved in another passionate kiss, and felt Carlos reaching for the bedside table. When we parted, I realized that the playfulness was gone and something deeper was there. I met his serious gaze with my eyes and wondered what happened. What could have made him go from playful to serious so quickly?"

I gazed into his eyes, and was startled when he spoke two words full of emotion, his voice sounding full as if the rest of his life depended on my answer to this moment, this single question.

"Marry me."

My breath caught as my eyes flashed to his. There, I found eyes full of love and support, passion and strength-all of the characteristics that I'd fallen in love with that this man possessed. My mind was moving at warp speed, and was finally interrupted when he spoke again. "Please, Stephanie. Marry me. Make me even happier than I am now, although I'm not sure it gets any better than this. I've waited to do this until I thought you were ready. I've been ready for so long. I know I told you that my love didn't come with a ring. But it does, if you'll have me. I said I wasn't relationship material, but we've always had a relationship. And we've had one quite successfully for some time now. You're the other half of me. I had planned on asking you the night you moved in. I want you to know that I don't have a future without you in it."

I looked to see Carlos open a black velvet box, and was met by the most beautiful ring I'd ever saw. It was a platinum three stone ring that had to be at least 2 carats. Baguettes were on each side of the band, and small diamonds adorned the intricate setting, giving it a touch of elegance and originality that I had never seen on any other ring before. I briefly wondered if it were custom piece, before he removed it from the box and held it as he spoke. "I've had this for a while, actually. And although it may not be a typical engagement ring, I thought the three stones were perfect for us. It's supposed to symbolize the past, the present, and the future. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, my biggest being trying to deny the love that I've always felt for you. But I promise to do all that I can to show you how much you mean to me every day, while we look forward to our future together. Please, Stephanie. Marry me?"

My eyes were filled with tears as I looked into his eyes. I nodded my obvious answer, almost unable to speak. Carlos spoke softly, "The words, Stephanie. Please, Babe. My love, I _need_ to hear the words."

"Yes! Yes, I'll marry you. I can't believe you are asking! I never thought…we'd ever…you just…Oh God! Yes!"

I threw myself into Carlos' arms as he pulled me into a deep kiss while he slipped the beautiful ring on my left hand. Later, I'd look at it and realize how beautiful it was, and how it sat on my finger as if it'd always belonged there. Later, I'd let my mind wonder how long he'd had the ring and how he could have kept it from me for so long. Later, I'd realize that also in the box were matching wedding bands for both of us so that we could get married as soon as we wanted to. Later, I'd come to learn that it was indeed a custom piece that'd he'd designed and drawn himself, and had made to his specifications. But right now, I was going to make love to my fiancée. Wow, my fiancée. Yea, I'd do all that other stuff…later, much later.


	23. Chapter 23 Epilogue One Year Later

Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story.

Thanks to all of you that have reviewed and let me know that you've enjoyed the story. Thanks also to everyone that's stuck with me through this story to see the end. Your reviews have meant a lot and helped me find the encouragement to continue with this fanfic.

_Previously:_

_"Yes! Yes, I'll marry you. I can't believe you are asking! I never thought…we'd ever…you just…Oh God! Yes!"_

_I threw myself into Carlos' arms as he pulled me into a deep kiss while he slipped the beautiful ring on my left hand. Later, I'd look at it and realize how beautiful it was, and how it sat on my finger as if it'd always belonged there. Later, I'd let my mind wonder how long he'd had the ring and how he could have kept it from me for so long. Later, I'd realize that also in the box were matching wedding bands for both of us so that we could get married as soon as we wanted to. Later, I'd come to learn that it was indeed a custom piece that'd he'd designed and drawn himself, and had made to his specifications. But right now, I was going to make love to my fiancée. Wow, my fiancée. Yea, I'd do all that other stuff…later, much later._

One Year Later…

"Carlos, have you seen my black heels with the silver buckle?" I yelled from the walk in closet that I shared with my husband. I was currently on all fours looking through the pile of shoes that were scattered across the floor of the closet. How can one lose a pair of shoes in a one bedroom apartment? I swear I just wore them yesterday.

"Babe, looking for these?" I turned around and looked up to find my handsome lover standing in the doorway with my black heels hanging from his fingertip. A half smile was on his lips as he took in my appearance. I was trying to get dressed but thus far had only managed to put on my black lace bra and matching lace underwear. The black skirt, matching jacket, and blue silk shirt that I planned to wear was currently hanging on the closet door, waiting for me to find the missing in action shoes aforementioned.

"Thanks Carlos." I stood and kissed him languidly on the lips as I took my shoes from his hands. His arms came around me and pulled me to him as the kiss deepened. "Carlos, we're going to be late if we don't hurry."

"Babe, _I'm_ dressed. _You're_ the one standing in the closet with next to nothing on. You know that you're asking to get burnt by walking around like that. I'm only a man after all. You're giving me ideas."

"Technically, I wasn't walking around, I was on my hands and knees looking for my shoes. Where did you find them?"

"In the foyer, Babe. Remember last night? They were the first thing to go when we came home from dinner."

I smiled and hugged him to me as I thought about last night. We'd barely made it home before we were tugging each others' clothes off. I'm sure that whoever was on monitor duty last night got an eye full as we tried to get the door to our apartment open and make our way to the bedroom, where we planned on celebrating even more. It kind of reminded me of our honeymoon in the Caribbean. After Carlos' proposal, we left the next day to elope to Antigua. The wedding was all that we wanted; private, intimate, and spiritual. We were married by a minister on a sandy beach with water (that Carlos swore was the color of my eyes) lapping at our bare feet. It was perfect. The minister took a few pictures for us to share with our family and friends once we returned home. The honeymoon was the best part, of course, and sometimes I still shiver as I think back to the two weeks we spent in the islands. Carlos did _not _disappoint!

We'd had dinner at Rossini's last night to celebrate the opening of the Trenton Women's Center. The past year seemed to have flown by as we prepared for its' opening, but everything was finally ready. It had been a year of hard work, sweat, and tears but today was the grand opening, and I was excited beyond belief. It was nice to share the evening with those closest to us that had helped with their time over the past year. Most of the Merry Men had volunteered in one way or another, along with Connie, Lula, Mary Lou, and Ella. They were all there for dinner along with my parents and grandma. Daddy had been a source of constant encouragement over the past year, and Grandma had continued to be one of my most fierce supporters. After the fiasco with my mother, the relationship with her seemed beyond repair. We would probably never have a genuine mother-daughter relationship; too much water had passed under that bridge. But I did love my mother, and I couldn't hate her just because of her ignorance. She grew up in the Burg, and was Burg through and through. Thankfully, I'd learned to live my life for myself and disregard the silly notions and expectations that came along with Burg life. During a visit at Haywood from my grandma, she reminded me that living that way took guts, strength, and character.

It was during one of grandma's first visits that my mother showed up. Carlos was livid and was ready to have her removed from the premises, but she assured him that she wasn't there to cause trouble. I agreed to talk with her, and she apologized to me for the way she treated me after the attack. She told me that she went to visit Joe in jail just before his sentencing hearing, and that he told her the truth. He explained how he had gotten drunk and that he was guilty. He also explained that he was willing to do jail time because he knew what he had done was wrong. Mom said that Joe felt like he was getting off too easy, and would forever be indebted to me for the plea deal he was given. Once his time was served, he planned on relocating to a different area to begin putting his life back together. Mom let it slip that Joe also suggested that she seriously take a hard look at herself if she was willing to believe a rapist over her own daughter. As we talked she told me that she was getting counseling herself for her own inadequacy issues and would forever regret the way she treated me.

After my recovery, and after deciding that I wasn't comfortable doing distractions and BEA work anymore, I'd struggled with what I'd like to do with my time. Although he assured me I was wrong, part of me felt like I was disappointing Carlos by not returning to distraction and BEA work. And, if I'm honest, a part of _me_ was disappointed in _myself_. I'd always prided myself on picking myself up and persevering, despite whatever punches life threw at me. Lord knows I'd had enough destroyed cars and clothes to prove that point. But as hard as I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to continue doing that work.

Believe it or not, I actually tried-once-but it ended in disaster. Lula called me shortly after our return from our honeymoon and asked if I'd like to do a ride along to pick up Henry Stipinksi. We'd picked Henry up before, and he usually came along easy enough. Seems he had a fondness for tequila, but it didn't seem to agree with him. For some reason, whenever Henry had been drinking tequila, it reacted on him by making his clothes come off. Therefore he had been arrested for public drunkenness and indecent exposure. Carlos tried to talk me out of going by saying that it was still a little too soon for me to be picking up FTA's, but I assured him that Lula and I could handle it. Thankfully, and unbeknownst to me, Carlos and Tank decided to follow us.

We arrived at Henry's apartment and all went well until, as we were leaving, Lula was assisting him down the steps of his apartment to the car and he tripped. Lula mistook his tripping for him being "difficult" and tasered him. Henry fell forward and knocked me to the ground, knocking the breath out of me, and landing on top of me.

Looking back now I'm sure it was a funny sight. Lula standing in her Via Spigas while wearing pink spandex and holding a taser, Henry sprawled out on top of me on the ground, and me- well I was just lying there trying to breathe. But as I tried to take a breath I felt very out of control. I couldn't move and I couldn't get Henry off of me. My mind frantically tried to process everything, but somehow I kept feeling like I was back in my apartment the night Joe attacked me. When I could finally breathe I heard screaming, and then realized that it was me. I was desperately trying to get and unconscious Henry off me when Carlos shoved him over and pulled me to his chest. He sat there on the ground in front of Henry's apartment, rocking me and whispering words in Spanish to me as I got control of myself. When I finally could speak I turned to Carlos and whispered, "I don't want to do this anymore. Please, just…I can't do this anymore, Carlos. Take me home, please!"

Carlos wiped my tears and picked me up without saying a word. He gently put me in the SUV and took me home. We crawled into bed and stayed there the rest of the day while he held me and spoke words of love to me. He didn't judge me for what happened. And he didn't tell me 'I told you so'. He simply gave me the support that I needed. He reminded me that recovery was like a roller coaster. There would be good days and bad days. And he reminded me that a minor setback didn't mean I wasn't continuing forward in my healing, it just meant that I needed to take time to reevaluate and give myself time to heal.

It was shortly after this, while I was working on some searches in the office, that I realized I'd like to do something to make a difference. I was running a search on an FTA for Carlos and realized that the person in question had been arrested numerous times for domestic abuse, but was never convicted. His neighbors had reported domestic disturbances several times over the past few months, but his wife would never press charges. After I finished up the research on him, I started to wonder why the wife wouldn't put a stop to the abuse that her husband was so clearly delivering.

After telling Carlos about what I'd found in the search, I brought up my question about why the wife continued in the abusive relationship. He explained that often times, abuse was a vicious cycle that was hard to break. Abused women often live in denial and don't want to believe that their husbands or boyfriends would do something like that. Sometimes women are brought up in abusive homes, and then they unconsciously seek out love from men who are abusers themselves. And sometimes women who find themselves in these situations just don't have the support, finances, or ability to leave and make a fresh start.

The last part that he said- about not having the support of anyone to help them- really struck a chord with me. I thought back to all of the love and support that I had received during my recovery and I realized how lucky and blessed I had been. If I hadn't had all of the encouragement and love from my friends, my Dad, and my Grandma, then there's no telling what would have happened to me. I went back to my desk, deep in thought and determined to make a difference.

Later that night as Carlos and I were getting in bed, he pulled me to him. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, Babe? You've been thinking about something all evening. What is it?"

"Carlos, I was just thinking about our conversation earlier, when we were talking about abused women not having a way to stop the cycle. What if we could help them? What if we could make a difference?"

"What do you have in mind, Babe?"

"Well, after I went back to my desk I looked online and realized that there's not an organization here that assists women in domestic abuse cases. I was really lucky because I had you and all of the guys supporting me. I was able to afford therapy because I had insurance through Rangeman and a good job. What happens to women who don't have that? How do they deal with everything?"

"Babe, that's the problem. Often times, men have the women they abuse so dependent on them that there isn't an easy way out." Carlos pulled me to him and kissed my temple as he ran his hands over my hair. "Something tells me you have a plan in mind, Babe."

He was right. I did have a plan. And that plan was what would eventually develop into the Trenton Women's Center. We were able to start the center with donations and grant money. It would house a center for women to receive counseling, medical attention, and assistance with everything from medical bills to childcare. We even had a job assistance program set up along with a tuition scholarship program that was largely funded by Rangeman and other business donors. Throughout the past year, Carlos always believed in me and was my constant source of encouragement. It was hard to believe we'd been able to get the Center up and running in just under a years' time.

My thoughts brought me back to today and how excited Carlos and I were to see all of the hard work come to fruition. "Babe, we're going to be late for the ribbon cutting ceremony if we don't hurry."

"I know. I was just enjoying the quiet and peace. Today's going to be hectic."

Carlos made a contented sound. "Babe, you've done a great job with everything. I'm so proud of you. A lot of women's lives will be better because of the work you'll be doing at the Center."

"Thank you Carlos. But I couldn't have done it without your help and encouragement. Now go on so I can get dressed! If we stand here much longer with you touching me like that, I have a feeling that we won't be going anywhere." Carlos chuckled and placed one last kiss to my lips as he placed a quick pat to my ass. I finished dressing and after one last check in the mirror, I turned to make my way out of the bedroom. I grabbed my purse and a gift bag from the closet, and made my way into the kitchen where Carlos was patiently waiting for me with a bottle of water in his hand.

I handed Carlos the gift bag as I slid onto one of the bar stools in the kitchen. Carlos gave me an inquiring look, while raising one eyebrow, and said simply, "Babe?"

"Just open it. It's nothing much, really. But I wanted to give you something for all of your help over the past months. Carlos, I love you so much. And your love and support over the past year has meant more to me than you'll ever know. I hope you like it."

"Babe, you shouldn't have…"

"Carlos, just open it. Please?"

Carlos took the bag from me and pulled the tissue paper from the top. He reached inside and pulled out the one lone plate that was left over from a year ago. I'd broke all of the rest of the set, along with the cups, bowls, saucers, and a large bathroom mirror shortly after I was attacked. He'd understood what I needed that night and gave it freely. He knew what I needed even though, at the time, I didn't. And now, I hoped he understood what I was trying to say. I hoped he could see and feel how much love I had for him. His eyes met mine and then dropped to look at the plate held gently in his hands. I'd had it done at a local pottery shop and had asked the artist to paint a quote on the plate. When I picked it up, I was very pleased with the results and found that they'd also included a display stand for the plate. I thought it was a fitting gift for today, and a reminder of how far we'd come.

Carlos started to read the quote aloud, but had to stop to clear his voice as it broke with emotion. _"__Nothing happens unless first we dream."_

I touched his cheek gently and smiled. "Carl Sandburg. He's one of your favorites. I hope you like it."

Carlos pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. "Babe, Stephanie. You have no idea how precious this gift is to me. Not only because of today, but also because of the love we share. There was a time when I could only dream of having you as my wife. I'm so proud of what you've done and how you've turned what could have been total devastation in your life into something positive. I'm so honored to call you my wife, and I'm so proud that you chose me as your husband. Te amo, Babe."

"Te amo, Carlos. I couldn't have done it without you. I have a feeling that today will be the first of many dreams that we find coming true throughout our future together. I can't wait for the journey, as long as you're by my side."

"Always, Babe. Always."


End file.
